My Scribbling Space

random ones....

2011-03-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

Shoulders brushed and glances exchanged...something felt strange; but there was no time to think it through...had to finish up so many things before catching the flight late night...

Everyday on her way to the office, saw this old couple sitting beside the temple...thick glasses, lean figures, sad faces and droopy shoulders...they say their son left them here; they also say their son cried while leaving them here...today she sees only the old man...they say the old woman sobbed the previous night missing her son...

A big rock of jaggery lying at that corner of the top shelf...let me quickly call my friends...looks like evening's gonna be party time...ain't a cool way to relax after a long hard day!? What are you guys thinking!!?!? Can't we ants have some fun for a change!!??!?!

beautiful eyes is what I see...hazel in color....serenity all inside...while I was watching him, he quickly stood up to grab his book...its'exam time tomorrow...wish I could help him...but then I don't know BRAILLE....

Girl with the yellow balloon

2011-03-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

Girl with the yellow balloon,
Sleeping in her father's lap,
Holding the balloon tight in her hand,
Perfect moment for a snap.

Looks like she's watching a dream,
That subtle smile on her face,
Balloon in one hand, dad's finger in the other,
A perfect moment to embrace.

I think she went to that fair near the temple,
White ribbons and a pink frock,
Eyes twinkling with the lights around,
People around in a flock.

The subtle smile goes,
That tiny tear at the corner of her eye,
Looks like she is missing her mom,
Want this moment to just die.

Father trying to wake her up,
Home seems to be near,
Still holding the yellow balloon in her hand,
I see the one tiny little tear disappera...

2010-03-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

ruthless questions and a blank mind...
crossing the fingers, untying the knots...
balloon in the air,on that mysterious journey...
strings of guitar and notes turning up,melodies in the making...
have I heard that song before?
I guess I have...
He sang it for me...
have I been on that journey ever?
I guess I have...
He walked along with me...
Did I cross my fingers at that moment?
I guess I did...
He uncrossed it for me...
Did I ever have a blank mind?
I guess I didn't...
just to watch a beautiful dream...

The dark side...

2010-03-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

The dark side of me...
looks like me though...
but is that me...?
don't think so...
trying to find the difference in similarity...
but failing to have that clarity...
do the dark sides come at night...?
don't think so...
looks more like a passing thought...
I can see the shadows only when there's light around...

Birthdays...

2010-02-19T07:57:00.000-08:00

Diamonds, Rubies, Emeralds and Pearls,

Chocolate Cakes n' Icecream Swirls,

Gift boxes square n' round,

so many in the hiding, waiting to be found,

Games n' Prizes,Friends in all sizes,

Whatta B'day bash it used to be!

Life so easy, mind so free,

take me back, I want more...

relive the moment and grab a score!

2010-01-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

dark sunshine, rusted gold...

layered stories,waiting to unfold...

missing links,chained thoughts...

what IFs,what IF NOTs...

white, black or grey,

but someone has to say...

say it out and say it loud,

raise the head and face the crowd...

2009-12-26T11:18:00.000-08:00

The sunny afternoon on a cold day,
The chilly wind makes her sway,
She sways with her thoughts,
And the thoughts sway with the wait,
Waiting for the wind to stop,
And the winter holding the sunshine in a lock,
Locking the warmth forever,
Locking the life of trees as never,
How many winters will it take?
How many trees will be at stake?
She knows, it won’t be many…

Drop...

2009-11-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

Dew drop in the sunlight,
Drops forming rains, showing their might,
Drop in the eye, about to fall…
The held drop that says it all…
People fighting for that drop to drink,
Farmer staring in the sky sans a wink,
Drops together rising in a tide,
Life running around finding a place to hide…
Drops on the forehead after a hard day,
Digging shortcuts leaving the drops astray…
Are we done, or still something is left?
Do we see the light or the darkness has crept?
Wake up and hold the drop,
Hold it tight till you drop,
Let it go and lose it forever,
Act quick, its’ gonna be now or never…

dormant roots...

2009-10-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

This one was a combo of me and Jags composing together!!

Can you fly high holding your roots?

maybe you can, if your dreams have wings,

And these roots of stone spread the deepest cracks,

in parched groundholding for ever the dream of fruit,

and in those deepest of cracks, lie the deepest of wounds,

that'll never see the light of the day...

will just lie there in the cracks,

will just die there in those cracks...

and yet the roots remain...these forgotten roots,

lost of purpose that once destined to sustain,

hardly pertinent...keep feeding memories,

hunger is avaricious...and yet they remain as strong as ever..stay rooted,

it ought to get worse, unless...

unless a shower soaks these roots, nurtures it back to life...

giving back to the world a beautiful plant,

a plant that the sun had scorched down back in time...

but the roots remained...dormant...but alive...

pearls of thoughts

2009-10-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

An oyster in the sea,
Thy thoughts that flee,
Thoughts that flew in the depth of the sea,
And turned into pearls,
Waiting to be found,
Waiting to come out and touch the ground,
And then fly high in the fresh air,
Pearls of thought in my mind,
Leaving the dark pearls behind,
I throw the bright ones around,
to be searched and found...

tag along...

2009-09-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

fading memories,
smiles to start,
sobs in between,
a paining heart,
tips of fingers,
turning blue,
am I gonna die?
all by myself...without you,
blood comes rushing,
in my head,
silent whispers,
prompt me ahead,
will I go or will I stay,
come along to find which way...

2009-07-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

When was the last time the world saw me,

When was the last time I was felt,

When was the last time I was wanted,

When was the last time I was dealt...

I stay there, waiting to be seen,

waiting to be felt,

waiting to be wanted,

and waiting to be dealt...

I am the tear in your eye,

that never kissed your cheeks...

that kept hanging in there...

and got dried up in months days and weeks...

Happy Birthday Palak..

2009-07-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Remembring Palak on his Birthday...May his soul rest in peace...

Bright Darkness

2009-04-23T12:18:00.000-07:00

Sun’s shining bright,
And there I see the light,
Beautiful and inspiring…
i feel good and I feel happy,
I turn telling people around,
Let ‘em too get a chance to feel the same...
And then I remember my friends,
And remember the lesson they taught me,
Seeing the light ain’t that great,
Be happy, its’ never too late…
Beauty, inspiration, happiness,
Is all in the heart,
and all in the mind,
Its’ yours’ and its’ mine,
Just let the brightly lit darkness shine!!

Blah, Blah, Blah!

2009-03-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

Three weeks since I left Chennai…assorted stuff has been happening…I was too tempted to get inspired and name this post as “General Bakwas” from my friend’s blog…I somehow liked that phrase…but then dropped the idea of “getting inspired”!

So here are the assorted happenings going on with me in the past three weeks: -

Spent the first week in Mumbai…Coming back to Mumbai always feels good…known place, known language…you simply feel comfortable! Though this time my stay in Mumbai was more of a social-catching-up rather than work…the work domain included only to walk in the office, inquire about any project opportunities and getting nothing close to a positive response J So after this chore, I met my friends from office, VMS, parents’ of my friends, etc., etc., etc… Enjoyed my weekend with the VMS kids…happy to realize that few of the kids recognized me! All others joined in after I left for US so couldn’t blame them…met the Slumdog Millionaire star of VMS: Sidhdhesh PAtil…am so excited to know that one of my students actually acted in this movie that’s been appreciated worlwide! The weekend went great with these kids…though I found myself amidst a GK quiz when a group of 6-7 answer-us-else-you’ll-bear-the-consequences surrounded me and started shooting questions! History, Geography, Science, Movies, Sports…you think of a topic and there was a question about it!! I guess I scored pretty decent…maybe an 8/10! J one of the kids asked me New Zealand’s capital and I was completely blank!! Not good, right!? But it actually happened! Another kid had a fascination for Australia! He wanted to know everything about the place, the language, currency, sports, and last but not the least…”the number of cities”! few other questions included: How many rivers and states are there in USA, who are the top actor and actresses in Hollywood, currency of Australia, China, etc. National sport of US, how are volcanoes formed, weather condition of places where I stayed in US, how do people manage in the snow, the list is endless….I just wished my kids to be as inquisitive as these guys!! No harm in wishing…ain’t it!?

Had another interesting experience…I boarded a local from Andheri to Borivali on the 2nd day of my stay in Mumbai…as I got in the ladies compartment, my glance met the eyes of a dame…smart and pretty…holding one of my favorite books…Shantaram…maybe I was biased, but I immediately grew fond of this gal. we just exchanged smiles and the journey began. HOLD ON! Don’t you guys dare to rush your thoughts in the Dostana direction!! The fondness and smiles were VERY MUCH straight! :D anyways, back to the story… More and more people got in the train at each station. A scarf wearing girl got in my compartment at Goregaon…there was something very peculiar about this girl, and her actions made her all the more to-be–noticed kinds. She simply rushed in the compartment and threw her bagpack on the shelf above and ran back towards the gate…the train hadn’t started by this time…I was noticing her, and after her bagpack-throwing-in-the-shelf action, I missed a heartbeat…at this moment my eyes met the eyes of Shantram-holding-girl and we saw the same fear in each other’s eyes…the next moment both of us were frantically searching for that girl in the pool of women standing with a thousand thoughts going in our minds…a couple of minutes after the train started, we finally saw that gal standing at the door...we saw her, felt kind of relaxed and smiled back at each other…this whole incident happened in a span of not more than 4-5 minutes, but the adrenaline rush was something that I experienced for the first time. That incident shook me, for the fear, for the helplessness, for the universal nature of these feelings…and more than everything else, it shook me for the naked fact that how presumed we have become about things, to how much extent our notions and concepts have been preconceived with the past incidents! Wish the world becomes a peaceful place to live in…

Watched Oscars and it was great to see ARR and Rasool to get a worlwide recognition for their amazing work! More than for Slumdog, I feel this Oscar should be seen as more of a tribute to ARR for his amazing work all these years! He ROCKS!

Watched Delhi 6 with my friends…liked the movie despite a few loopholes here n’ there …I loved the songs…Dil gira dafatan is my fav…I instantly fell in love with the word “dafatan”…its’ just so beautiful! I loved Abhishek…didn’t notice his accent that people are complaining about…I was lost in his eyes….(long sigh)….and the sweet romance b/w Roshan and Bittu…it was suchcha pleasant change to see the subtle romance which is not-so-common these days! Infact I loved the line that Bittu says after Roshan proposes her…”mujhe laga tum yeh kabhi nahi bologe…”! (I thought you would never say that…)hayyy! So sweet! For a more professional review visit http://atleespeak.blogspot.com/2009/02/dilli-35.html

Came home, always feels good to be back…unpacked my bags “yet-another-time” not knowing when would I need to pack it again…getting lectures from aai on the ocean of stuff I possess! [she’s still not aware of the 25-30 books that I couldn’t carry with myself from Chennai due to the weight restrictions on the flight!! ;) ]…anyways, apart from that its’ just complete absolute vellagiri happening…ma and pa leave for their jobs and follow a disciplined routine…as for me, I am waiting to get allocated to a project, pass my time with TV, movies, books, cooking and search-for-a-project…tough one at this time! And becomes all the more difficult to maintain your patience and keep your cool when there’s recession all around, and when you get the news from all directions about people being laid off from the company, its’ just a cherry on the cake!! …but then, a-pat-on-my-back…m doing a pretty decent job on this front…though I had almost lost it the day before…infact I have been thinking all the what-if options! :) not a bad time to pursue your ambitions, hobbies and change in your professional profile! Well, in my case, I can go bagpacking to some place, or try my hands on that white-chef-cap in some restaurant, or start writing something more structured and disciplined! Infact, had I got a boyfriend handy, I actually would have thought of getting married and play the role-of-a-homemaker! ;)) there’s no harm in thinking, ain’t it!? On a more serious note, I am trying to find some opportunity so that I can start working ASAP…compulsive vellagiri is strictly not my types! :D

Watched Filmfare tonite…must say IK and RK did a pretty decent job…pleasant change sans dirty jokes, dark humor and sarcasm…though SRK was as always I-am-present kinds…liked Priyanka’s eye make-up…Aishwarya looked pleasant with her simple look, especially the small bindi…flanked by AB Sr. and AB Jr. just helped her catch all the more eyes! ;) Jodha Akbar was overhyped! Shockingly “A Wednesday” didn’t get awards it deserved…loved ARR for his modesty and simplicity…and the thank-you-speech of Manjot Singh for his Best Actor Critic Award was really cute and genuine!

And to end it, this pop up seems to be apt! The iconic fashion doll Barbie turned 50 today! Though she doesn’t look 50, but then she doesn’t look like a doll either! I never liked her anyways! Check out this quotation by Paris Hilton: "One of my heroes has always been Barbie. She may not do anything, but she always looks amazing doing it." so typically Paris Hilltonish!!

Help Gaurav...

2009-02-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

for all of you reading this post, pass it on to everyone you know...

http://helpgaurav.com/

Let's not ignore something like this for once!

2009-02-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

The last time I spoke to Sunita was on Wednesday and was pretty relieved to know that her mum’s been tested negative for cancer…I told her to take some rest herself and that I’ll be calling her in a day or two…the next four five days went by quickly…work at office, planning out my action items after release from the project, attending a colleague’s wedding, sort of a farewell lunch for me over the weekend. I tried calling Sunita once but it didn’t go through. As a normal reaction, I thought of trying after sometime…and that sometime happened to be today…just messaged her to check when she’s gonna be back in office and how well is her mom responding to the medication...after sometime I got a reply from Sunita “My mother passed away early on Thursday”. I was just numb…didn’t know what to say. I have been feeling like a jerk for not calling Sunita since the last four days! Not that my call would have changed anything, but…I dunno…I have seen death very closely but each time it upsets me to the core…the eventuality of losing your loved ones someday suffocates me...For all those who are reading this post, feel lucky if you are with your parents…and for those who aren’t, just call them up to say you love them and you miss them…nothing else will make them feel happier!

Daffodils

2009-02-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Watched The Namesake today…there are some movies that are simply beautiful…this is one of those…my favorite…its’ one of the movies that has done justice to the book (The Kite Runner was a complete disappointment!) Through the movie emotions just flow so effortlessly…watching the movie is an experience in itself…I first thought of writing down my favorite scenes in the movie, but then realized in case of Namesake, I’ll be covering pretty much the whole movie…after the movie, the first thing I did was googling the poem “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth…

"Daffodils"

I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thoughtWhat wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,And dances with the daffodils.

And if anyone of you hasn’t seen the movie, then read the book first and then watch the movie. I can bet that you won’t be disappointed…

mixed bag...

2009-02-02T04:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was quite a mixed bag of experiences and thoughts…gotto spend sometime in the kitchen cooking and I enjoyed that thoroughly! After a sumptuous lunch, I headed to catch up with a couple of friends. Met Sunita @ Barrista over coffee and OZ Open final…she needed the change to feel better…hope her mum gets well soon and test results for the scary diseases come out negative…whoever is reading this, pray for her…on my way to the coffee shop, had an interesting experience…I got into the local bus and was looking for a seat…managed to get one and sat there. At the next stop, a lady boarded the bus, and there was something very unpleasantly peculiar about her appearance…she had these weird and ugly boils all over her face… that I hadn’t seen before…but I instantly fell in love with her smile! She took a seat near me and we started a conversation. She turned out to be a pretty interesting person…educated, intelligent, working in LIC, happily married for 27 years with two kids were some of the things I came to know about her in our conversation…though I didn’t intent to eavesdrop but she had one of the sweetest and most romantic conversations I ever came across with her husband :) For a moment I felt so small and low remembering the last thought I had while getting ready…I had just glanced at the mirror before leaving for the coffee shop and brooded over the mark a pimple had left over my face…and here I was sitting with this lady whose face was nothing but ugly (that’s the crudest but most truthful way to describe her appearance...) who was so happy and content in her life…lesson learnt! :)

I said a goodbye to this lady when she got down and kept thinking…finally met Sunita at the coffee shop…where we talked about her mum’s illness, about writing as a hobby, about thoughts and ideas coming and evaporating before we think of using ‘em…but more than everything else, it was Fred-Nadal match!! Its’ a pleasure to watch these two guys play!!! Though I am a die hard Fed fan and so much wanted him to win yesterday…but whenever you see these two guys play, its’ always the game that takes the precedence over “who’s gonna win”! As always, great game between two of the best tennis players! Feddy breaking down in the presentation ceremony is going to be one of the most sentimental moments in the history of this game…nothing more than the love for the game, he lost his cool and broke down admitting how sad he felt on losing the game…! But then the best man won! Nadal deserved it, he fought for it and achieved it! With the game still on my mind, I met one of my old friends in graduation after a long time! With my stay in Chennai about to come to an end, I’ll remember this city giving me enough chances to catch up with some old pals…

I reach home and catch up with one of my all time fav Jab we met…I can watch that movie any number of times…(will write another post on my all time favs! :) )After I got tired of zapping channels, and reading through each and every word of the news paper…thought to go online and chat with some of my friends…but for some reason I didn’t get into the mood of hanging around for long on the messenger…saw the watch and it was only 23:30!! Tried getting back to my book…but naah, this time the idea was not inviting…so there I lay in bed thinking, where my thoughts wandering in all possible directions! It amuses me at times on the extent to which our brain can think and thought-hopping it can pursue! My thoughts yesterday night included topics all over the place…going back to Mumbai, terrorist attacks on Mumbaià people who lost their dear ones in those attacks-->Moshe, the Jewish baby-->history of Jews-->my limited knowledge on Israel-Palestine conflict-->Israel’s attacks on Gaza strip-->Hitler-->his hatred for Jews-->Mein Kamph-->recent article on the popularity of the book in India that mentioned a statement by Bal Thackrey before the ’92 riots where he stated “Replace Jews by Muslims in Mein Kamph and that’s what I feel about them”-->the fundamentalists--> Raj Thackrey and his illogical idiotic fanaticism on the Marathi manoos-->me going back to Mumbai-->starting from scratch there-->looking for a project-->the sky rocketing rents in the city-->gotten completely tired of packing bags and moving around alone-->idea of settling down-->(call from a friend-->call to another friend wishing him on his Birthday…a BIG and HEARTY laugh when he tells me the story of bags and mobile phones getting stolen on his trip to Simla with his friends. The hearty laugh went on and on after he told me about the status of the hunt-for-the-thief. As per the police officials, they have got hold of “one shoe” of the thief that he left behind during the chase and got his name-address details through the PAN CARD that he had left behind!!! Some food for thought---Indian thieves paying taxes! What more can a country ask for!!! LOL)-->(back to my chain of thoughts)--> excitement of shopping stuff for the new place-->renovation that needs to be done to my home in Dewas -->missing mum n’ dad-->childhood memories-->fun with cousins-->my cousin Vipula in Mumbai-->her sudden call the day before saying she remembered me:) followed by a call from another cousin Mita -->realizing how unexpected things as these make you feel good-->instances when Imade mistakes expecting something, wanting something and it not happening-->feeling tired and checking the time-->getting surprised when I see its’ 3 in the morning! And finally drifted to sleep just to get up in the morning for a new day!

The other side...

2009-01-26T09:34:00.000-08:00

Its’ the 60th Republic Day for India…I did watch the parade (I used to watch it every year back in school) ...and then for some reason I was very glad with myself to decide to stay back in India... Hoping for a world without war, economy moving upwards, no more RAJUs in the making, AR Rahman bagging an Oscar, Obama doing his bit to change the world…and why just Obama!? We doing “our bit” too! Amen! :) As a pop up thought, do watch Slumdog Millioaire…you’ll enjoy it thoroughly! I am not great in writing movie reviews unlike my other pals, so skipping the details :)

While switching channels I came across interviews of the soldiers posted in Kashmir and their experiences in the valley. Couldn’t help but put in excerpts from one of the books that I read sometime back. The book is Curfewed Night by Bashrat Peer and its’ a must read for every Indian! The author is a Kashmiri and was a part of the happenings in the valley in the nineties. On the lines of my previous post, the book just made my belief in “Everything has an other side” all the more strong. Like the author, I was a teenager when things were happening around in the valley; but unlike him, I could never understand what was actually happening, why it was happening, who were the stakeholders for the simple reason that it didn’t affect me in any way. Even today, I have a very limited knowledge on the whole story. But this book made me think, made me realize the flip side of the story that is known to most of us. It’ll take me a decent amount of time to know and understand certain stories that I am interested in now more than ever.

Here are some lines from the book that’ll linger in my mind always…

Sharif Hussain Bukhari was one of those men. In his early sixties, a beak nosed man with soft eyes, wearing a light blue shalwar kameez, he walked in a daze as he crossed the bridge from the Pakistan-controlled part into the India-controlled part, where he was born. He was returning home for the first time after 1950. crossing the LOC had haunted him through the five decades he spent in Pakistan, as a student, a lawyer, a Lahore high court judge and now a professor of law. His two sisters and a brother had stayed in his ancestral north Kashmir village when he trekked with his father across the LoC as a fifteen year old. For years, he neither received nor sent any letters home. There were no phone calls either. He communicated through his dreams. “I would dream of my school, of the apricot and apple trees in our courtyard. I would dream of the house I was born and of the journey back home”, he said. The crossing had become unattainable even in his dreams. “In my dreams I would be arrested at the LoC and turned back”, he said.

The failure of the subconscious was the border. The line of control did not run through 576 kilometers of militarized mountains. It ran through our souls, our hearts, and our minds. It ran through everything a Kashmiri, an Indian and a Pakistani said, wrote and did. It ran through the fingers of editors writing newspaper and magazine editorials, it ran through the eyes of reporters, it ran through the reels of Bollywood coming to life in dark theaters, it ran through conversations in coffee shops and TV screens showing cricket matches, it ran through families and dinner talk, it ran through the whispers of lovers. And it ran through our grief, our anger, our tears, and our silences.

Hundreds of villagers had gathered at the Reception Centre for the visitors from Pakistan-controlled Kashmir at Salamabad village, half an hour from the Peace Bridge as you drive back from Srinagar. School children dressed in traditional costumes, who had waited throughout the day for the bus to arrive, welcomed it dancing to Hindi film songs. A young man rushed towards Bukhari. Bukhari didn’t recognize the excited youth. “I am Showket, your sister’s son”, said the young man. “I am sorry son. I didn’t even get to see a picture if yours all these years,” Bukhari said. Their moist eyes were the line of control.

The buses carrying the passengers from Muzaffarabad traveled under a drizzling grey sky to Srinagar. It is a road that has been deserted after duck for a decade and a half. I watched thousands of women, men and children stand aling the much soldiered road, waving hands and umbrellas, welcoming the ones who had stepped across the line. There was no fear that evening. There were only hands reaching out of the bus windows, waving in the air, as if each wave would erase the lines of control. I raised my hand waved.

I wish for a world without fear, where there are no battles for boundaries and people in places like Kashmir, Afganistan, Gaza, Israel, Palestine are privileged to rights of democracy, peace and freedom as any other normal person in the world; where children in these places can enjoy their childhood and have fond memories to cherish rather than the nightmares that we cannot even dare to imagine…

My Chennai stay: The flip side

2009-01-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

After reading my previous posts on Chennai, I was told by friends that the content was good enough to scare people off from this place! I never intended that though! So I thought to write something on the flip side of my stay in Chennai and when I think about it, it hasn’t been that bad either! I got another chance to visit and “live” in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know the language, the culture…so just added up another bunch of experiences in my kitty! Some of the experiences were hard enough where in I had to struggle to find an accommodation or for something as trivial as hiring an autorickshaw that was never achieved without a fight!

But then as I said earlier, everything has “the other side”… in the day to day struggle of my stay in Chennai, I did come across people who were sweet enough to help me out…be it a shopkeeper to suggest me to take a local train rather than getting into an ordeal with the rickshaw driver, or a rickshaw driver to help me out look for PGs around the place. All these years, whatever places I have visited and lived on my own, I realized something…wherever you go, you’ll always find genuine people to help you out…that there are certain characteristics that go beyond the confines of country, state, region, culture, and language…I still remember one of the experiences had with an autouwala in Chennai…the trend here is to bargain a lot with the autowala to decide on a fair deal (I mentioned in my previous post that the meters here mere showpieces). To avoid the frustration of the arguments; I always prefer to travel in the local buses against an auto. But one of the days, I had to reach somewhere urgently so was not left with a choice but to take an auto ride. Gotten used to the trend, I stopped an auto and asked him how much is he going to charge for the ride…what followed was a pleasant surprise! The auto driver in his late fifties replied back, “Madam, its’ sad to see educated people like you ask this question…my auto has a meter and I’ll charge whatever comes in the meter.” I was zapped for a moment; then I just smiled and got in the rick. On the way, I told him about the trend followed by the autowallas in Chennai that doesn’t leave us with an option but to bargain. He just smiled and replied, “Someone has to start…” The experience did teach me lessons, lesson “to start” wherever possible, and the realization that there are good people everywhere.

All n’ all, my stay in Chennai has been a bunch of learning experiences and fond memories…I made some good friends, gotta chance to catch up with my uncle-aunty and friends…was able to frequent my Bro’s place in B’lore so often…visited home more frequently than I did while in US…tried my hands on learning Tamil (I learnt only the slangs though!), gave my pubbing, clubbing and partying a break for sometime (have been in the “good gal” mode for the last few months! ;)) , walks on the beach (though alone:( ) were something I throughly enjoyed and last but not the least, my quota of reading increased with the ample time I had on my hands here! Interpreter of Maladies, Inheritence of Loss, Lajja, Curfewed Night, Reading Lolita in Tehran, Shantaram (that was a re-read for me) , God of small things, Unaccustomed Earth were long time due! Thanks to my Chennai stay, I finished up with these and few others :) My stay in Chennai is going to end pretty soon and I am happy I have fond memories of the past five months to treasure…

Sunday alone in Chennai...not a very good idea!

2008-11-17T03:35:00.000-08:00

After spending the whole of Saturday in the office, I was looking forward for a nice Sunday…and then the question popped…Anyone around?!? The answer was pretty much anticipated…”NO”! I haven’t spent many weekends in Chennai…mostly I am in B’lore @ bhai’s place or else Sheenu was here…this Sunday, for a change, neither was I in B’lore nor was Sheenu around…Forget about finding a soul in Chennai with whom I could have enjoyed DOSTANA (all my friends are watching it and calling me!!!), I couldn’t think of anyone around with whom I can just sit around over a coffee and have a nice conversation!! Miss my starbucks’ days!!
Then I thought of hanging around in the market to get something for Chunnu’s wedding…but didn’t find anything good other than Kanjivaram Sarees!! Don’t be surprised if you see me in my denims in Chunnu’s wedding!! :D finally I was so @#$%#%*$#%*# that I decided to do something that won’t fail in any case, and so I just went to a bookshop and spent my Sunday there…this was one of the wisest things I did yesterday! The next wise thing was buying a couple of books…nothing could have made me feel better…! I came back to my room after spending almost 3-4 hours in the book store just to see my roomie watching some Tamil movie with a volume that was good enough to be heard by our neighbors!! I really don’t mind that…neither do I have any presumptions about it, but just that its’ going overboard these days…or maybe I am on the verge of losing my patience…haven’t reached the final stage though….!! After reading for some more time, I tried my phonebook…conversations over the phone are not that bad either…but ALAS!! All possible scenarios came up which prevented this from happening…either people were not reachable, or there was no reply, or they were busy with some family function, or they were busy watching movies, or sleeping in US!! I cannot blame them for any of these things…at the end of the day, the only thing that came to my mind was Atul’s post when he was trying to figure out someone from his huge group of friends to spend a weekend with…mine was a similar case yesterday…maybe a bit worse than that…unlike Atul, I do not remember how many people I have on my friend’s list on ORKUT, but I do remember that’s a decent number…but most of them are more of my acquaintances than friends…(if not, they would have turned into acquaintances by now…c’mon! its’ been ages I have logged into ORKUT!!) Also, I have a pretty limited number of people I usually speak on the phone these days…which made the chances of me getting engaged on the phone still meager…I was kinda frustrated yesterday (which I seldom am)…was wondering about it when my friend said,” you need to be frustrated at times…else you get habitual to things that frustrate you…” all I did after hearing that was “smile”….there was another reason for me to smile…after a LONG time I behaved like normal person and got frustrated of being alone…!

List updated...

2008-11-15T01:59:00.000-08:00

Two years back, I had picked things that I had done and wanted to do…and it feels good that I actually did some on the list…thought of updating it! :)

Bold the ones you did.* the ones you really wanna do. Easy ...na!(How about more stars, the more i wanna do those!!)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid*
06. Held a tarantula – Naah!!
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped*
11. Visited Paris*
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise…So many times!!
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game1
6. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa **
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower *
23. Gotten drunk on champagne ***
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope ---the Saturn Ring n’moon look beautiful…simply beautiful…
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment---that was more than a moment…
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Have amazing friends---they all are simply superb!! You ROCK guys!!
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach***
50. Gone sky diving **
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero ( not exactly, but my bro n’ I used to play Vikram-Betal when we were kids!!! Hehehehheeeee)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving *
62. Kissed in the rain ***
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China **
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken---waiting for it to happen…
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married ** not yet…
73. Been in a movie---a 15 minutes TCS movie!! Heheheheeee
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced - See point 72
76. Gone without food for 5 days (if that doesn’t include Salad!! Heheheheheh)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River-----eeekssssss!!!
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"** sochne mein kya hai! (Whats the harm to think about it!?)
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas ***
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house***
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship ***
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children ***
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge***
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you couldn't have survived
105. Wrote article for a large publication** (but did get one of my poems published!!)
106. Lost over 100 pounds – wish that to happen soon!!! 100 se kam chalega ;)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback *
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol*
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents*****
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach----EEEEEKS they are SO SO YUCKCKCKYYY!!
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read ...
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Painted your face and kept it for the whole day
145. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
146. Had a booth at a street fair
147. Dyed your hair--- had got ‘em highlighted…!
148. Been a DJ
149. Shaved your head
150. Caused a car accident (did not cause it, but was a part of the accident...not one of the best things to do!!)
151. Saved someone's life***********************************

My Lunch today...

2008-11-13T02:24:00.000-08:00

Highlights of my lunch today in Chennai office canteen:

A North Indian thali with specialities as: DAWA PARATA and BENDI MASALA!!

Can you beat that!? To top it all the “BENDIs” cooked in water!

Everything else is manageable….but I am missing my kitchen and cooking routine…immensely L Waiting to get to a place I can set up my kitchen and start cooking again!

falling in love again...with Mumbai!!

2008-11-10T02:26:00.000-08:00

Last week was one the best weeks I’ve had after coming to India….especially after coming to Chennai!! All family getting together at Bhai’s place… felt good…still remember Bhai as that stupid little kid who was supposed to hold my hand wherever we used to go…markets, b’day parties, picnic …and suddenly you realize that kid brothers are no longer kid brothers…they are grown up adults…and then BANG!! You realize that you have grown old! Moreover when you celebrate your 28th b’day with everyone around younger than you; the realization is nothing but stronger! Wearing a b’day cap or cutting a cake or people around putting icing on your face do not hold good enough to make you forget that you are growing old…GOSH! I sound so old!! J but I did feel this…not that my 28th b’day will make me stop doing certain things, but there’s no harm to accept your age! Isn’t it!?
But apart from turning 28, the week had lots more in its’ kitty! Nothing can make you feel better than a big family get together!! Mum n’ dad…uncle n’ aunt…grandma n’ grandpa all around…you actually don’t do anything specific; but just being with them is something you can cherish anytime! And just to put an icing on the cake, my vacation was concluded with a trip to Mumbai!! Aamchi Mumbai!! And believe me, I fell in love with that place…all over again!! Most of the times, I get pretty nostalgic about Mumbai…great city, greater friends, memories…all are a part of the nostalgia…but this time, it was just about “being in Mumbai”…I just felt so much at home! My love for Dewas/ Indore will always remain…for the mere fact that my family’s there, I have grown up there…but my affair with Mumbai is on a completely different plane it seems! All the while I was travelling in Mumbai, I had this subtle smile on my face…not because I was nostalgic, the smile owed only to a mere fact that I was in “Mumbai”!! Sheenu was finding it really funny to see me in this form where after every 15 minutes, half an hour I repeated “I love Mumbai”! maybe I was going overboard but that was how I felt! Infact, m seriously thinking to find a Mumbaite ;) but apart from all these things, I had much more important reasons to be in Mumbai and be happy about it…Neha and Sunny’s engagement was one the best things I have ever been a part of…!! It looked just SO destined! There are times when your heart is so happy and content…when all your doubts about “love”…about “finding the right person” take a backseat…when your heart is least bothered about the heartbreaks you’ve had…Neha-Sunny’s engagement was one such moment for me…watching them together makes you believe in love, gives you the courage to fall in love again…yet another time…! I owe a special thanks to Sheenu this time, for being a link to connect me and Neha, and then Neha connecting me with Sunny, Atul, Neha’s family, Sunny’s mum!! At times with so many amazing people around, you just feel lucky…but my connection with amazing people in Mumbai has been an old story…this trip was a combination of both…nothing makes you feel better than catching up with old pals…meeting my Sanu popat was one such thing…!! I met her after almost two years; and the best part was…when we met and hugged each other, it never felt as if it was after two years! That’s the most beautiful thing a friendship can ever have!! Picking it up from the same point you had left…I love ya Popat…and I miss ya! But I know certain things would never change…and I pray they don’t…Amen!! Its’ been almost a week I came back to Chennai and I am still in the Mumbai hangover and its’ pretty obvious! I am trying to get back to my “Yeppedierkinga” mode for sometime at least (‘coz I know its’ only for sometime!) ;) as for my heart…it’ll always be with my home Dewas/ Indore and my second home aamchi Mumbai!! :D

Ri2 reaches Chennai!!

2008-11-07T05:15:00.001-08:00

before you guys start reading, lemme tell you that I had written this post LONG LONG back but got a chance only today to put it on the blog! :)

Life has been on a roller coaster ride…I know its’ been a long long time I have put anything on the blog…really sorry to all my readers not that I was not writing stuff, but nothing worth putting on the blog…
Something or the other has been happening around…good or bad, I dunno, but for a reason for sure! I am still pondering over the reasons though…I came back to India a month back…not to my home, not to Mumbai…but to Chennai!! Packing my bags from USA and coming back happened pretty suddenly…most of my friends may still be unaware of this event! J coming back to India always feels good, but I was sad too…for leaving US, for leaving my home out there…this is one aspect I strongly dislike about my job…you are on a constant move! You go to a place, get a house, try turning it to a home and then its’ time for you to leave…its’ doesn’t let you get attached…as for me, it has just turned out in making me all the more detached…this one was just one of the few events that have happened in the past that has turned me to a pretty detached person…from things, people, places…I guess that’s the best way to avoid getting hurt…I always say this after getting hurt because of an attachment…learning the lesson and repeating the same mistake again!! But that’s the way it happens with me…I learn the hard way! But then its’ only because of my job that I was able to see all these places, go somewhere outside my country, live there, know the people and culture. That’s the flip side and I love my job for that! :D
Being in Chennai has been an experience in itself...No offence meant, but its’ not the first choice of most of the people who belong to any place above AP to live in Chennai. I had my friends, colleagues telling me all sorts of scary stories about the place and cribbing about almost everything here!! For me, I am not the “cribbing” kind, it just doesn’t come to me…maybe that’s one of the reasons I stand here in life, because I could not crib about something or I could not just go ahead and demand something…. So back to the point, anything and everything is fine with Ritu! J As for Chennai, I am not able to call it bad…its’ just very different from the places I am used to. I am pretty sure the Chennai people would be feeling the same when they move out of Chennai to some other place. Its’ just a matter of habits and trends that you are used to…nothing more, nothing less. I am not sure whether to get surprised or shocked about me not feeling bad for living in a place that’s full of strangers and rather finding it nice to be among complete strangers!! I get scared of myself at times…but then I guess it was something that was much needed. Chennai is completely different in all respects: the place, people, food, language, everything. As for the difference, its’ pretty huge as compared to the places I have been before. From Mumbai to US, coming back to Chennai is a big event in itself!
To start with, the biggest barrier over here is the language! Believe me, if you know Tamil, it won’t be that bad a place…though supposedly, I am living in the better parts of the city . So I do have people replying back to me in English In the workplace too, you’ll find people mumbling in some language that sounds like a tongue twister! I am trying my hands on Tamil these days!! Not much, only kunchum kunchum! ;)
Then comes the weather, its’ not that bad right now, again supposedly, I am visiting Chennai in one the best seasons! As for the humidity and heat, I have experienced that in Mumbai too My loyal friends, my blisters have started visiting me more frequently now:-s
Next is the crowd…the crowd here is strictly absolutely traditional. You actually won’t get a feel of being in a Metro when you look at the crowd here. But then that’s the way it is. The “style” element is somewhat missing from the crowd; though it can be found scattered around, but the sight is very rare. The appearance is purely traditional and simplistic in nature. Tradition and Simplicity are a BIG YES for me, just that it seems to go overboard in this place. The parameter of a lady wearing saree, salwar kameez or a pair of jeans as a basis to judge how “modern” she is or how “independent” she is or how “educated” she is seems very unreasonable and somewhat moronish! No offense meant to any place or group of people, but come to think of a lady belonging to the so called “high elite class” living in a “posh” area of delhi who is capable of carrying a designer wear with loads of style but is not educated enough or independent enough to do a job on her own or travel in a state transport bus!! At the same time there’ll be a lady in Chennai wearing a simple cotton saree or salwar kameez who’s highly educated and independent enough to face the world. I always feel that there should be a balance in all the elements; despite of the place you belong to, your personality should have flavors of education, independence, confidence, tradition with a pinch of style, attitude and presentability. Thinking of a person to be better than the other based only on the “style” seems immature to me. I found the people over here very simple…simple to the core and I absolutely loved it! Maybe, they just need to capture a bit of style depending on the situation. At the end of day, its’ all about what’s in your mind and how open your thoughts are…even while I am writing this, I figure out how debatable this topic can be! J so lets close it here for now! ;)
Last but not the least, the food! For a foodie like me, its’ somewhat a pain area…I like South Indian cuisine, but I am having an overdose here…having spent a decent amount of time in USA gave me chance to try out different cuisines from different parts of the world and I absolutely loved the experience! Over here in Chennai, I do not have that many choices…or maybe I am not aware of the right places…so the IDLIs, DOSAs, VADAs, Rice are just getting onto me! I’ve had my share of funny experiences with the way food is ordered/ eaten here…!! I never knew the concept of “meals” till I ordered one; and there comes a big thali with a big heap of plain rice along with tamarind rice, lemon rice, curd rice and tomato rice on the sides!! Rasam, Sambhar and a veggie with the “oh-so-necessary-in-every-veggie” coconut were the accompaniments! For a person like me who’s not very fond of rice, that came as a major shock! My dislike for rice has nothing but grown after coming here! ;)
And apart from everything else, beware of the autowallas here!! They are a unique group!! Meters in autos exist as showpieces here. Meters are strictly “not-to-be-used” accessory for the auto. The fare from one place is the soul choice of the autowalla; and if your face and language is good enough to show that you are not from this place, you are in deep deep trouble. The fares coming up can be as high as 200 bucks for a distance close to 1.5KM!! I tried my hands on bargaining for this deal and to my absolute surprise I finally travelled that distance in 30 bucks!! Never knew I was so good in bargaining! ;)) though I am not really sure if those 30 bucks was more than the actual cost! J
Its’ close to one month for me in this place and I am just getting a feel of the place…its’ always better to gather some new experiences rather than crib about it! lets’ see what new comes up in Chennai in the days to come…

"fix you..."

2008-04-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

do listen to this song...its' nice...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your faceI promise you
I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

hope each one of us finds our "I"....Amen....

life is beautiful...

2008-04-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

There are times when you feel really really low, depressed, sad....evrything around seems meaningless...all you feel like doing is crying out...and you know that there's absolutely no reason for doing that...but thats something you just feel like and there's nothing wrong in just doing what you feel like...ain't it..!?!and to put an icing on the cake, you don't know the reason for this mess...for me...I know the reason..."hormones at work"...one of those days that make you feel pathetic!! just a biological phenomenon...nothing more...nothing less...all that you need is to pull yourself up and "DO" something...sitting, thinking just helps to worsen the situation...and hello! why on the earth am I writing all this!! The reason is simple enough...I am "doing" something...after pulling myself up...the weather's really nice out here...the songs are one of my "all time favorites"...Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi...there's something about the songs that just soothes me completely...now when I sit here and think about the state I was in fifteen minutes back...all I do is smile...I then realize the sadly funny part of all of us, somewhere deep down in each one us is a compulsive self obsessed creature...My wishes, My concerns, My problems, My sorrows, My life, My life's story, and the list never ends...when I see myself in this state from a third person's perspective, I feel so low and shallow...I am on the verge of losing my self respect...but never lose it...'coz each time I find myself in this mess, I just pull myself out of it....look at myself from the eyes of a person who has problems bigger than mine.. sorrows greater than mine...challenges more serious than mine...and all that remains is a guilt inside of being so self obsessed...self centered comforted by a feeling of thankfulness to God who has blessed me with such a lovely life ....parents that are too great to be expressed in words...family that has stood by me always, friends who are some of the most wonderful people I have met, ability to be independent socially and financially, experiences that have made me a better person than what I was, and maturity to understand all these things and then I promise myself of not falling in this trap very often and whenever I am into this mode, then thinking the same each time...

My life is a beautiful song,
so what if I am not that great a singer to sing it along,
melody of this song is so eternal and beautiful,
that even my "not so melodious" voice manages to make it meaningful...

Gudi Padwa

2008-04-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Naveen varshachya hardik shubhechcha!!

Wish you all a very Happy New Year!!

food for thought...

2008-04-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

After a usual day at work, I came back home and did something that I always chose to unwind myself....."read something good".....it just makes u feel so much better...giving yourself a break from everything and everyone around is so much welcome! ain't it!? For today, it was a beautiful coincidence to read something that I have been thinking about since the past few days...expecting your partner to have reading habits...its' been a debatable topic...I would always prefer a person who is fond of reading....not necessarily that the choice of books or "stuff to read" needs to be the exact same as mine....reading in one way or the other just expands the scope of conversations...at the end of everything...its' about conversing...about something you know...or something you do not know....it enhances you as a person...expands your realm of thoughts....at least I think so...obviously...its' not the only thing I would look in my partner....but yeah it is one of the "important things" for me...I have had experiences in the past where people came out as a complete turn offs just 'coz I couldn't converse with 'em at all! The next stage comes on the choice of books...but thats putting up specification of choices on a real HIGH level!

I came across this article by Rachael Donaldo (She is a writer and editor at the Book Review.) which presented the same idea in a really interesting manner...do check it out...!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/books/review/Donadio-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

harsh realities...

2008-03-31T23:42:00.000-07:00

It was a tiring day...for all not-so-funny reasons...its' been more than an year I have been living in the U S of A...and there are so many things I like about this place....I like the way things are planned here....the infrastructure, the development....blah blah blah...but then there are so many more-important-things-for-me that I find absent here...for which I miss being in India...miss the people of India...there are times when the whole life here seems SO robotic and mechanical to me...something as silly as a small bump on the road...!! Guess what! You have a BIG signboard for that too!! I mean....c'mon guys! gimme a brk! People here are SO used to living in the "perfect world" ....no offence meant....but they don't have the slightest of idea of what the world is like outside their shell!! isn't it a way of actually retarding people's ability to think!?!? I came across so many instances that proved that people here are not used to use much of their brains for day to day activities...goto a shop...get something....the screen will tell the person at the counter how much money to get, how much to return...! one of the days...I happened to give a lot of change at one of the shops (just to finish those coins up)...the dame at the counter got SO freaked out with the thought of counting the whole bunch! I just remembered the 10 year old kid who used to manage the small shop when his dad was out for lunch and the ease with which he used to calculate the totals and returns and change and everything! its' suchcha natural phenomenon that your brian actually stops thinking when everything around you so mechanically perfect...!! Perfection in this form is not that good an idea I guess!
But today was a different day for all possible not-so-pleasant reasons...Jags, happenend to sprain his back badly while playing soccer yesterday...poor guy was hardly able to walk....we decided to take him to the emergency section to avoid the hassels of getting an appointment ( the earliest we can get an appointment with a doc is the next day)! The day ahead bought me face to face with one of the crudest realities of a common man living in the US of A!! I found the term "EMERGENCY" redefined completely...it all started by the long process of documentation of the whole story...the personal details....details of the insurance...details of the ailment...blah blah blah!! I wonder what do these guys do with a person who's struggling with life and death when he arrives to them!! after completing the elaborate process of documentation, started our ordeal to wait-for-a-call-by-the-doc!! for a person in the emergency section, it took almost 5 HOURS to get a call from the DOC!! and believe me that was not funny at all!! I am supposed to be a relatively "patient" creature...but today, its' limit was checked...we could see Jags in that acute unbearable pain...and each time I went to one of the attendants to check when can we get assisted by a medico, all we got back was "I really can't say...the doc is attending more critical patients right now..."; or "its' not a first come first serve basis...we are attending cases by priority"...!! I mean what the @$*#$@ all it reminded me was a govt hospital in India...(I guess even there the wait time is less than this!) finally after a wait of 5 long hours...Jags was taken inside one of the emergency ward rooms...with a tag "The doc is on his way...he'll assist you in 15-20 minutes"....and the doc did came...and the doc did examined JAgs...and the doc did gave his prescription....with a slight difference in his schedule...instead of arriving after 15-20 minutes....he arrived after 3 hours! I don't blame the poor soul for this...but all I was trying to comprehend in the meantime was...Is the state medical assisstance that bad in the most powerful and resourceful country of the world...in the US of A!?!?! In between the wait time of 3 hours for the doc, when I went out to check with one of the persons at the counter as to when the doc will actually arrive, I got an answer that shocked me from inside. She replied, "Please bear with us...we have only one doctor to attend the emergency cases...he'll be there shortly...we have called another doctor to speed up the process..." I was like WTF!!! I never knew that the place US of A is short of medicos!! the statistics that I knew depicted a completely different picture! after today, I have some serious doubts on my statistical knowledge on such things!

But then alls well that ends well!! Finally the doc arrived to check Jags, a really sweet and cheerful and last but not the least a very effecient guy...didn't take much for him to figure out the problem and then writing a prescription....and then we off from that place....hoping JAgs gets well soon! and hoping no one falls sick in USA...its' a crime!
In midst of all these events, I was passing my time watching people around...and believe me that was not a pleasant experience at all...I watched old people, suffering from ailments, coming on their own to the "Emergency ward"...getting their Xrays and Blood tests done...all alone...I thought of myself...how I hate to be alone when I am sick...how would these people be feeling in a situation when they are counting the days of their lives backward, and there they are alone...with their agonies...with their pains...gave me just another reason why I love India more than any other place...'coz my India has all those things that more important to me than the things it doesn't...it has the soul....it has feelings...it has empathy...it has love...it has respect....in all its' forms...I keep my fingers crossed that it doesn;t lose its' soul in the race of going ahead..."developing" ahead....
MERA BHARAT MAHAN!!!

to let you look at what he's missing -- as long as you are willing to let him do the same to you...

2008-03-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

you guys gotto read this! A dear friend shared this with me...

Everyone tries to create a story in their heads to explain the things that baffle them. For the same reason we want to know how a magic trick works, or how mystery novel ends, we want to know how someone different, strange, or disfigured came to be as they are. Everyone does it. It's natural. It's curiosity.But before any of us can ponder or speculate - we react. We stare. Whether it is a glance or a neck twisting ogle, we look at that which does not seem to fit in our day to day lives. It is that one instant of unabashed curiosity - more reflex than conscious action - that makes us who we are and has been one of my goals to capture over the past year. It is after this instant that we try to hazard a guess as to why such an anomalous person exists. Was it disease? Was it a birth defect? Was it a landmine? These narratives all come fromthe context in which we live our lives. Illness, drugs, calamity, war - all of these might become potential stories depending upon what we are exposed to in connection withdisability. In each photograph the subjects share a commonality, but what does their context say? Looking at each face, I saw humanity. Rolling through their streets, I found theunique cultures and customs that created an individual.
-Kevin Connolly ====================================================================
What Are You Looking At? Born without legs, Kevin Connolly snaps photos of people staring at him -- turning the watchers into the watched.
When Kevin Connolly was ten years old his family took him to Disney World, but for some theme park visitors that day, it was Connolly who quickly became the main attraction.Born without legs but otherwise healthy, Connolly traveled the world, taking pictures of people as they stared at him. "I remember distinctly being surrounded by Japanese tourists trying to take my photograph without talking to me or asking me," he says from his apartment in Bozeman, Montana. "My dad was right behind me, and I remember him getting pretty frustrated with the whole process, because it was something that was happening every single day." Born without legs, Connolly was already used to the stares of strangers -- but that moment would help him start to understand that the lens could work in both directions. On a solo trip to Europe, more than a decade later, he was riding his skateboard down a Vienna street when he felt a man staring at him.Connolly lifted his camera to his hip, pointed it toward the man and without even looking through the viewfinder, clicked off five or six shots. Connolly would repeat that action 32,000 more times during his travels, creating a diverse portfolio of individuals from a broad assortment of countries. He posted some of these images online, under the title "The Rolling Exhibition." What he captured was a paradigm shift, turning the watchers into the watched. In the process he discovered something about them -- and himself. "While these people have, on the surface, an expression of pity or sadness or curiosity, looking at the legless guy on a skateboard," he says, "at the same time, they're opening themselves up; they're incredibly vulnerable." For a photographer that kind of image is the Holy Grail. Connolly, from his unique perspective (he's three feet seven inches tall), seems to have found a way to capture it over and over again using himself as his subjects' focal point. He explains his technique as not baiting people, but inviting them to look. "If you were someone on the street," he says, "and I was passing you, my eye line would either be straight ahead, down at the ground, or more often, off in the other way with my head turned so that it would give the viewer full permission to stare without the potential of getting caught." "Patting a legless guy on the head and telling him that he's really inspirational... is probably the last thing you wanna hear when you're trying to seriously work on a photo project." — Kevin Connolly While gratifying artistically, it's also an unsettling position for the 22-year-old University of Montana photography student. Connolly has spent most of his life shrugging off the perhaps well-intentioned, but ultimately dismissive, stereotypical role of the "inspiring" physically-challenged individual. "That's just people looking for the easy answers," says Connolly. "So patting a legless guy on the head and telling him that he's really inspirational, and it's so amazing how quick and fast he can get around is probably the last thing you wanna hear when you're trying to seriously work on a photo project." But Connolly isn't normal. In fact, he lives much more adventurously than many of us. With the exception of his missing legs, due to a random birth defect, the rest of his body is fine, all organs intact and fully functional. A prosthetics manufacturer created a custom body shoe for him that looks like a leather bowl covered on the outside with a rubber tread for traction. Connolly uses the device to protect and cushion his torso during most of his activities. Growing up, Connolly says his parents didn't coddle him and raised him like any other outdoor-loving Montana family. They took him camping and hiking. Connolly became an avid rock climber and a champion skier who took a silver medal in the X-Games. With the prize money he won in that contest, he decided to travel alone throughout Europe and Asia. It was on that journey he began shooting the photos that would become the Rolling Exhibition. Connolly is a champion skier and avid rock climber. But Connolly learned something else during his photographic odyssey -- something that raised the issue of identity. Many of the people he met, it seemed, did not wait for him to explain the reason for the absence of his legs. Instead, they automatically supplied their own narrative, one uniquely suited to their own environment or personal sensibilities. For example, while traveling in New Zealand a woman asked Connolly if he was the victim of a shark attack. In Romania some thought he was a beggar; at a bar in Montana aman bought him a beer and thanked him for his service, believing Connolly was a wounded veteran of the Iraq War. Connolly says he learns more from people by not correcting their assumptions. "On the one hand, it's surreal to have that happen to you and to have that projection put upon you," he says. "But on the other hand, it's a great clue as to what's going on inside someone's head." He's happy, he says, to be their blank slate, if that's what they need from him -- a point he makes in a striking Internet video he made to promote the Rolling Exhibition. In it, he walks on his hands onto the middle of a stark white backdrop, his face blurred by the glare of a powerful light, which slowly drops in intensity until his face is revealed. What it also seems to reveal is that he is a man willing, for a moment at least, to be the object of your gaze, to let you look at what he's missing -- as long as you are willing to let him do the same to you. Kevin Connolly graduates from college in May and says his next photographic journey could include exploring some of the world's conflict zones.

the break is over...

2008-03-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

almost 6months....pretty long time....the longest for my blog to remain dormant...I guess it needed a break! not that I haven't been writing; but my writing all this while is nothing but just "scribbling" in the truest possible sense...nothing more...nothing less...nothing worthwhile to put on the blog...life has been good all this while...things happening around...another phase of life that bought a new set of people, new set of experiences, new set of lessons learnt in the journey of my life...each of those helping me grow as a human being...making me realize about everything I need to improve in myself...adding salt n' pepper to my life's recipie in perfect proportions!! something or the other has been happening around since I came to San Antonio from Chicago...after six months suddenly I realized that I have turned into a workaholic...spending 12-15 hours in the office everyday...most of the times, even the weekends are not spared from this...but the best part is...I am enjoying it....I don;t remember the last time I had worked SO much ;)) so typically unlike me...times b/w the work remind me of old days...and I get nostalgic...apart from work, things have been happening around...attachments and detachments have become a part of life...I guess I have become pretty used to these...but most of the times its' difficult to make people understand that detachments dont stop you from caring about people...its' a pretty ironical and confusing line...but I live with it...now when I look back...there have been so many instances when I detached myself from people but that didn't stop me from caring about them...that detachment is simply a way to minimise the probability of letting others hurt you...as for the caring is concerned, that you always do by your choice...maybe its' just a way to make your life easy...I just happened to read Abhi's blog the other day in which he mentioned about turning into a workaholic and how irritated he used to become with certain people around...and the whole thing made me feel just one thing....Deja Vou!! sans the "getting irritated" part....I guess I have another way of handling this...by simply completely ignoring the people...that in turn makes me an "irritating character"! ;) just like Abhi...even I need a break! a break from myself.... a break from everything around me....I wanna go home....I wanna goto aai baba...I wanna be with the people who don't expect anything from me...who won't question me for all my actions...for all my silence....for anything and everything....I wanna be with the people who won;t try to change me...who'll take me the way I am...who'll love me the way I am...I wanna go home....just waiting for manager to come back so that I can talk about my leave! ;)

its' rakhi today....

2007-08-27T22:36:00.001-07:00

its' Rakhi today....

missing you Bhai...:((

2007-08-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

I was in Chicago downtown the day before...just spending some time there before I leave this place...Chicago downtown is few of the better downtowns I have seem so far...I like being there...m gonna miss this place....I was just roaming around the place and saw Barnes and Noble...cudn't stop myself from getting inside the shop...and there I went in...and behaved like an uncontrollable moron! I do that every time I see books all around me...Schaumburg Library is another place that handles my hyper behaviour! :) I just kept on picking books one from each aisle I walked through...only after I had some 10-12 odd books with me, I realized that I won't be able to buy all of those...and somewhere the child inside me got really sad:( I placed all the books back to their places with a heavy heart...and picked ONLY ONE book to take with me...the book's "Send in the Idiots" by Kamran Nazeer...I had to read this one since a long time...I came out of BArnes n' Noble smiling having done something good for the day...and went ahead to do something better...I walked a couple of blocks and placed myself comfortably in Starbucks on a couch (near the window) with my Cappucino (with Hazelnut, Grande') and a big piece of blueberry coffee cake and enjoying my book! GAWD I enjoyed the whole thing just as a kid enjoys his icecream (one in each hand)!! It was something I hadn't done for quite sometime....nothing would have made me feel better....u bet! BAck in Mumbai, I used to often goto CCD at Bandra and enjoy my coffee, my book and the sea in the front...this is one the best ways I spent time alone...and I love doing it...As for the book...its' a real good one...do read it when u get time...I just came upstairs after reading near a small lake near my apartment...thats another of my favourite places to read a book...I am done halfway...just waiting for this song to complete before I get back to my book....do listen to "maula mere le le meri jaan" from Chak de India...its' a very soothing song...at least makes me feel at peace....

marriage....aah!

2007-08-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

the most complex thing is this world are human beings!! and they have this inherent ability to further complicate their lives....I watch people struggling with themselves...for doing something they don't want to...then thinking that maybe they want to...then battling to find out what do they exactly want...whether they are actually moving towards their happiness or moving away from it....everyone around me is getting married or at least moving towards getting married....some because they have finally found the right person...and others because they have to...or they should....and then I am being asked why I am not thinking about it...I end up giving a simple one line reply..."simply because I don't feel like." and I end up showing attitude...funny...ain't it...!?!? isn't it a very simple thing to understand that I simply don't feel like getting married right now...'coz I haven't found the right person...the day I'll find the right person, it won't even take a moment for me to take this decision...right now for the world that seems to be the "ultimate" thing I need to do!! :)) So for all the people around who are worried for my marriage....don't worry...I'll get married...and you guys won't even realize when that happens....:))

2007-08-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, time won't wait...

Life goes by...

Every day's a brand new sky...

Every tear comes to dry...

by Rebecca Lynn Howard and Jim Brickman

2007-08-19T04:58:00.000-07:00

Its’ 4 in the morning and I am wide awake…there was thunder n’ lightening outside and I got up to check …cudnt get to sleep after that...too many thoughts inside this pit we call mind…I think of a situation when I am not thinking about anything…absolutely nothing at all…and guess what!? I end up thinking how weird this thought is!!

I catch hold of Chunnu’s laptop and start playing around with the keys…I need get one now…its’ been quite sometime that I was without a laptop…gotta used to it badly…habits are bad…I hate ‘em!! For the time being when I didn’t have that easy an access to the laptop, I had got back to my old way of scribbling…in its’ literal sense…I was with my diary and pen…feels good for a change…kinda reliving some old days…I scribbled some stuff about my NY and Vegas trip in the diary…maybe someday I’ll put that on the blog…but I am really not sure when…

Life has been taking its’ twists n’ turns…things happening, people coming and going…old friends meeting n’ departing…new friends in the making…earlier I used to wonder about this whole thing…but only now after all these years…after making friends, parting ways, meeting again and making new ones…I have accepted this as a way of life…and I get amused by the number of friends I have made in this journey…

My current assignment got over last week…waiting for the next one…I miss going to that office…as for the work, its’ gonna be there, at some place or the other…its’ only the people that make the difference…we get so greedy for friends and relationships…all we want is more…Pooja left for India last week…all for good…though I have accepted the fact that parting ways is just a part of life…I still have a strong dislike towards that thought though…I hate bidding goodbyes to people…Palak was the first one I had bid goodbye to when he left for his college after school...I happen to remember him for some reason or the other...23rd july was his b'day...I miss wishing him...I chose to forget the fact he is no more...ahem ahem back on the track....this mind is an abyss for thoughts...i get lost at times...so back to bidding good byes and parting ways...i realize that somewhere I have changed…I have grown up…after coming here, Chunnu always blames me for becoming more of “less emotional” types, a major reason being that I accept the things that happen around in a very matter-of-fact way…I have kinda stopped trying to change people or to be more precise, stopped expecting anything at all from people around…so things don’t bother me now…not that I have become less thoughtful or less emotional; only that this way keeps me happy n’ cool…its’ very difficult to accept the fact your good friends will be moving away with time…though they’ll still be around…but the boundaries of that “being around” will keep expanding with each passing day…that priorities will change in life…that something “more important” will be there in your friends’ lives…the sooner you accept this fact…the better it becomes…maybe now I have completely accepted this fact, Chunnu thinks me of a less emotionl, less thoughtful kinds…but I don’t blame her for that…she ought to think this way…’coz she hasn’t seen me detaching from things and people around so easily before…:) as for my friends…I love them all…I miss them all… and I’ll be there for them always… until something more important comes up…!! As of now…you guys be happy to have me around…that “more important” is still to come…;) and whenever you feel down…just watch a couple of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!! nothing can beat it! And it works all the time!! I can bet on that!! And you know what!?!? I love Chandler!!! He rocks!

As of now, I am so tempted to wake up everyone…(the wicked ritu in action) ….i hope it doesn’t rain that hard…we are planning to go to the temple today (the spiritual ritu will be in action!!)hehehheheee

I win...

2007-06-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

I get up and its’ still dark…
Shadows of the past all around me…
I am trying to catch the shadows…
And the shadows trying to catch me…
Don’t know when this game started…
Don’t know when I became a part of it…
But its’ not just me who’s playing this game…
Its’ not just me who wants to win this game…
And there I see is the end of it…
‘coz there I see is the dawn…
the rays have pierced the dark…
taking me towards the morning…
taking me where I belong…
holding my hand and guiding me along…
and I finally I win the game…
‘coz the shadows are behind me…
and all ahead of me is light…

help me find this poem...:)

2007-06-19T19:48:00.000-07:00

its' not once...not twice...but has happened more than often....where I just happened to surf the net...visiting sites, reading stuff...and came across poems that happened to be my favorties...and then I thought some of the poems that I read in my schooldays....one such is Solitary Reaper by William Wordsworth that I read in my VI Std. and is one of my favorites....

Solitary Reaper

BEHOLD her, single in the field,
Yon solitary Highland Lass!
Reaping and singing by herself;
Stop here, or gently pass!
Alone she cuts and binds the grain,
And sings a melancholy strain;
O listen! for the Vale profound
Is overflowing with the sound.

No Nightingale did ever chaunt
More welcome notes to weary bands
Of travellers in some shady haunt,
Among Arabian sands:
A voice so thrilling ne'er was heard
In spring-time from the Cuckoo-bird,
Breaking the silence of the seas
Among the farthest Hebrides.

Will no one tell me what she sings?—
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow
For old, unhappy, far-off things,
And battles long ago:
Or is it some more humble lay,
Familiar matter of to-day?
Some natural sorrow, loss, or pain,
That has been, and may be again?

Whate'er the theme, the Maiden sang
As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;—
I listen'd, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill,
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

There's one other poem called "Simon Snoot's Whiskers" that I had read in my VIII Std. and remember as one of the poems that made me understand what similies were!!! I have searched the net thoroughly for this poem but failed :( Anyone of you reading this if at all happens to find the poem "Simon Snoot's Whiskers"...do let me know!!

a nice Saturday...

2007-06-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

I, me, myself....these words were getting onto my head for the past few days...I suddenly realized that since the day I have arrived here, its' me, my flight, my job, my manager, my work, my trips, my shopping...ain't that too much! its' just too much!!

I missed the days when I used to get down at Mumbai Central station and goto Victoria Memorial School to spend some time with the kids there...and come back feeling content that I have done something that goes beyond "me"...I cudn't find a chance to do anything similar here...and I wasn't very pleased about it...on top of it, I met people who were so self obsessed...obsessed about the appearance, the looks, not that its' something unusual...but at times it gets just too much! there so much to see, think, feel and ponder upon than just ourselves, our looks, our clothes...isn't it!! I just happened to get a chance to volunteer for this sports n' fest organized for disabled kids by a local newspaper...perfect timing for me...I needed something like this badly ... and after a long time I experienced that feeling of satisfaction like I used to have when I used to goto VMS...

When I came back home and thought about it...I happened to realize about feelings that are so universal...compassion, love, the happiness you get when u make a smile appear on someone's face...the sadness and helplessness you feel when you see people around you in pain and you can't do anything about it...except for being there...everything is beyond the race, caste, color, boundaries, nations, language...all the stuff that we have just made up for ourselves...the reason for which I still haven't understood...at the end of everything, its' only about lending a hand...passing a smile...empathise with the pain...share the happy n' sad moments...and feel satisfied...and isn't it ironical that I do all this 'coz it makes "me" feel good....

after a long break...

2007-05-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

its' been ages I sat down and given myself some time ...there have been so many thoughts and experiences that have been wandering in my mind...waiting to come out...and now that I have actually thought to take them out...I feel stuck...I feel lost...I dunno how to put them down....the experiences are so many and so different...that made me feel happy, sad, nostalgic, depressed, excited, serious, funny... exeriences which made me realize how varied are the thoughts, concepts and expectations of people on things...Friendship...its' a big word...ask me...and I'll define it as the ability to share Silence...to understand the silence...another person I know happened to expects everything to be spoken explicitly in friendship...each and every thought...and then I sit down and wonder...does everything actually needs to be spoken out to be expressed?? I can never relate to that...maybe that's one of the reasons I am misunderstood many a times...but then yes, there are times when you actually need to speak out things...else it haunts you all your life...

I have been going around and watching places...places that were beautiful and new....that made me feel excited, and wonder about the beauty on earth...about the several destinations that I still haven't reached...the variety of places just keeps on increasing...from the natural beauty of tulips in Holland to the amazing work of architecture and imagination in St. Louis when I stood in front of the Arch...still going further to the hidden beauty of stalactites and stalagmites in the Meramac Caverns...something that I had just read in books...but then in all the variety of these places...I felt something thats so much universal...the people and their emotions....while I was sitting in one of the restaurants having my breakfast...I saw a couple in their seventies who seemed to have come for a vacation...and only then I realized that human emotions are just beyond the boundaries of nations, cultures, languages, age...two people who have spent a large part of their lives together will love each other immensely and selflessly no matter where they live, what language they speak or how they look...and after watching that cute old couple somewhere inside me I wanted to meet my better half....soon....:)

Time at the workplace just flies off...work keeps me busy all the time...good in a way...I don't have the time to miss home, family, friends...people at the workplace are a variety in themselves...from really soft spoken lot, to the ones full of life...always ready to help...to the typical managers who are all concerned about nothing else but their work been done...I've had my share of experiences with all these varieties of people...and then I witnessed something that I knew only theoretically...I had only read about people being laid off from their jobs until I actually saw this happening at my workplace where people were called in and told they need not come to the office from the next day...!! and people took it in their stride after feeling a bit disappointed...almost all my managers and colleagues here are pretty older to me and they take me as a kid many times! After this layoff thing happening...one of them managed to crack a joke on this drama...leaving me absolutely blank for a reaction...after watching me for a second, he simply smiled, patted my back and said, "You have just started your career...I have seen this many times in the 30 years of my career...So don't feel bad...this is the way things happen..."

Its’ high time people around me…especially elders think that I should get married…J and even people of my age have been seriously thinking about settling down in life…not that I am not thinking about it, but there’s something different in the way I think that’s not so usual like my other friends…I am watching people talking to 2-3 even 4-5 guys and doing a parallel analysis as to which one is the closest to their idea of groom!! No offence attached, but I don’t understand how can one talk to 4-5 guys and take a decision! I don’t know maybe if things don’t go right, even I might end up doing something similar…but u bet…I can never handle that parallel analysis thing! Thanks to mum n’ dad who are supporting enough for not asking me do something like this…I believe that things just click when they are destines too…sounds filmi…no it doesn’t to me…I need to feel the click to take a decision…and defining that click is beyond my scope!! hope it happens soon…again…

beauty in irony...

2007-04-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

I ended my previous post with..."Life is beautiful"...and I start this one adding..."Life is ironical"...maybe thats the beauty of it...It gives you instances to ponder upon...experiences to learn from...the good and the bad things popping up and disappearing and popping up again...like a sine wave...the moment we go on a high with all the good things happening around, it puts you into something which makes you realize...'anything can happen'....

I was very happy the day before for certain things going right, certain chapters coming to an end...and I get a news which shook me...which was big enuff to HIT me badly...Sanu just called me and said one line..."Sujatha has been detected Brain Tumor"....I felt numb for a second...its' been the second time within 3 months something like this happened...it was motu's mom and now its' Sujatha...and only now I realize the worst part of being SO far away from home....I can't just go and see someone I love...had I been in Mumbai, I would have been with Sujatha...could see her...could hug her...now that I am here...all I do is pray for her...pray for a girl who's just too sweet to face something as awful as this...but then I also know that good things happen to good people...things like these are the testing times to make us realize that we can't control things beyond a point...I have seen motu's mum, motu, her family going through the pain...and coming out of it...and I know that Suji is going to come out of it too...!! every dark cloud has a silver lining...every bad phase has to be followed by a good one...it has to...and it will...

I completed this post...finally!!!

2007-03-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

its' been quite a while I have written something...not that I was falling short of things to scribble about...but somehow cudnt manage to pen down my thoughts....my last writeup was bad....as was my mood that day! but thats gone now...over...completely over...lessons learnt..."Don't get shocked/surprised/pissed off by people's actions"...anything is possible!

I had better things waiting for me after this bitter experience...I was flying to Washington DC to meet Shruts and Mattoo! It had been so long I had seen Shruti...the 3 clowns were back together again...what we did the most...missed our 4th clown...missed her just too much to mention...the next thing we did...laughed and laughed and laughed on all those stories that we remembered umpteenth time!! I have stopped the count we repeatedly talked about our "HIGH kisse and kaand" and rolled on the floor laughing!!! another interesting phenomenon: meeting MAttoo's roomies: a kallu, a mongolian, 2 Indians: one sweetly wierd and another simply wierd!! they might be thinking us as wierd; especially when sheenu, shruti and I were just laughing our hearts out!! all perception uc ;))

the next two days were just too short to pass by...we just went on and on and on looking places...The Capitol, The White House, The Washington Memorial, The Lincoln Memorial, Pentagon, and not to forget the museums....those were just TOO many and TOO huge to cover in a couple of days...at the end of everything I felt so short of time in my hands...I mean just come to think of it...so many things to do, so many places to visit, so much to learn, so much to know...wished life was longer to do all of these...wished days had 48 hrs...or maybe 96 ;))...I also went to the National Cathdral in DC...it was HUGE, it was beautiful and it was so peaceful there...all n' all my DC trip was fun! only that I missed the Cherry Blossom Festival by 15 days:( some other time...

the next week I went to the TCS Springfest party...hoping to see some good guys around...;) but ALAS! I went there only to find out about the growing numbers of those "typical" South Indian guys in Chicago :((( not that all South Indian are bad...c'mon who knows better than me! he was a tamilian ....but the crowd here was saddeningly bad :((

I dunno wheres days fly off...weeks are over in a flick...lemme remember if I have done something significant in the past two weeks...ummmm....work...aah c'mon! I need to remember something "significant"...well that leaves me with only one thing..."watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S."!!! I have always been a die hard F.R.I.E.N.D.S fan...only at times my craze to wtch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. becomes dormant for some reasons...it currently its' UP and very much UP! so I have been watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. like everyday till I can manage...the only reason that makes me stop that is the thought of getting up in the morning...:(( and each time I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S., I end up with one conclusion...." I love Chandler!!!!" "I simply absolutely love him!!"

another weekend has started...and whatta start! I get a wakeup call asking me to login and solve some production issue!! rocking! isn;t it!! :)) neways, after the "safai abhiyaan" aka "cleanliness drive" of our house...I sit down here to complete my post that has been lingering around since ages....

and last but not the least...I am very happy today...for reasons not to be mentioned...its' a day for aai, baba, bhai and I to celebrate!! Life is beautiful....

Happy Holi!!

2007-03-05T23:07:00.000-08:00

It was holi yesterday…for the first time in my life I celebrated Holi that was so dry!! My roomies were giving me a whatta-nonsense-gal-she-is looks when I was dancing around in the house asking them to celebrate holi!!! Finally we were at our friend’s place with red faces and a happy feeling inside me that I finally “played Holi”!! time and again things happen that remind me that I am away from my-home…my-place…I am finding myself in the midst of thoughts…thoughts that seem to be so conflicting at times…thoughts all around me…thoughts that compel me to think…to take a stance…something that I don’t intend to do right now…

Life here is…I dunno…what can I call it? Maybe ironical…in a sense that makes you feel amused, happy, excited but sad at the same time…five people staying in one house…I can’t call it home…home is in dewas…home was where the four clowns lived…everyone here in on the phone except for me…everyone glued to the cell phone…sitting in a corner…with a handsfree attached to the ear…dinner plate in the hands and sitting in front of the laptop…no one has the time to speak to people inside the house…people…in flesh and blood…people living…moving…”in the house”!! for me…things are a bit different…I am not on the phone most of the times…reason being as simple as not having anyone to talk to the way these gals do…not that I won’t enjoy that but then at the same time I can’t talk to “just anyone”….i have my dinner watching TV…I hate eating food in front of the laptop!! And the most ironical part which pinches me…bugs me…hurts me…bothers me is Chunnu and I used to talk more when I was in India and she was here…here…we just miss out on talking to each other…and by the time I realize that I find Chunnu on the phone or Chunnu finds me asleep or checking out some production issue….!!

I am not feeling well today and I am missing home…I am missing aai baba…and I am missing them badly…we take so many things granted in our life! When I am sitting here and tapping the keyboard with this stuff I remember the khichdi aai prepared…I remember her stroking my hair and her hands on my forehead to check the temperature…dad’s taking my side when aai used to scold me…those quarrels with bhai…and both of us being locked in the room…our playing Holi together…going to market with baba sitting on the scooter to buy pichkari and balloons and colors…there’s something here that makes me feel hollow…empty from inside…and then I am surrounded by the thought of good things here…I just find myself short of people to share all this with…

I was reading Abhinav’s blog yesterday…only that he puts up everything with a coating of something that sounds funny…that looks funny…but the feeling is universal…even he misses home…his mom…his place…but presents it in a much better way...very much unlike me…

And last but not the least, some additions to my last writeup…

Found this sketch by Sujatha…she had gifted this cute Popoye sketch to me…just like that! I have put that on my desk…remember her when I see that sketch…

Went to play bowling yesterday…missed Mahan n’ Surya…missed the times when I used to hangout with these guys…and played bowling to vent out the “negative energy”…that how Mahan used to call it…!!

Read Vamsi’s blog and missed the golden time I spent in aamchi Mumbai…I miss the local trains…BEST buses…crowd…road side shopping…hawkers with “chana chor garam”…

Each Saturday I miss going to VMS (Victoria Memorial School for the visually impaired)…miss the kids…miss the feeling to contentment I used to have after teaching them…miss my GANG of VMS friends…

hazaron khwahishen aisee...

2007-02-26T20:46:00.000-08:00

had dinner, watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S....Sandy and Pooja have already slept, they are the "good gals" of the house!! Sheenu and Neha haven't come yet...and i am sitting in front of my laptop...thinking, missing, enjoying...and yes...writing...

there has been something or the other happening here that reminds me of people...

I was watching the Laughter Challenge on my laptop and rolled with laughter when "pehchaun kaun" act by Navin Prabhakar came!! and I missed Avi....

I was flipping the pages of my notebook when the printout of one of the emails that Vamsi had sent me dropped down...I read...I re-read...and I missed Vamsi...

I was inside this store to buy some stuff when this girl behind me happened to say "WAAAWWWW" for something...and I missed Tai...

I missed JD on 23rd...its' been 2 years we met...that was the only time I guess I was SO wrong in judging someone!! I had thot of him as a sensible serious chap and he turned out to be the maximum possible opposite sorts...!! a complete nautanki!! :))

I eat strawberries almost everyday and I miss Vipula...she loves strawberries...

I hardly make tea here...infact I haven't prepared tea since I came here...whoever drinks tea makes it for themselves...and everyday I miss Sanu...miss the moments of my cribbing to prepare tea for her...miss Sanu's expressions that became "oh-so-sweet" so that I made tea for her...although there are just too many reasons to mention why I miss Sanu...

watched OSCARS yesterday and remembered the rick drives of Sanu, me, Shruti and Vij in Mumbai at late hours after watching all the OSCAR nominated movies in Mumbai...

talked to aai about the Filmfare awards and missed watching some real "desi channels" on the TV...watching Abhishek Bachchan....:((

saw the snaps of my offshore team going on picnic...missed being with them...missed having fun with the gang there....(n' yes that inclused my tall-dark-handsome PL at offshore!!!) ;))

as for aai, baba and bhai...I don't need a reason...an instance to miss them....

but then I enjoy being here...meeting new people...doing a job which is challenging...exploring new places...eating out...hanging out...enjoying the snowfall...the drive...the place...the system...the culture...

and now I wonder on a situation where I am enjoying all this stuff with the people I love...my aai, baba, bhai...friends...

we get so greedy at times...we want everything all together...why don't desires come to an end...why aren't dreams over....

but then we need desires...a desire to live...a desire to fulfill the desires...dreams would never be over, 'coz each time we will goto sleep...we'll dream of something and get up with a desire to fulfill that dream...

hazaron khwahishen aisi ke har khwahish pe dum nikle...
bhaut nikle mere armaan lekin fir bhi kam nikle...

can't come up with a title...

2007-02-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

I sit and I wonder...
I am moving ahead...but I wanna stop for a while...
I look back and I smile...
so many years have just passed by...
fail to stop them however hard I try...
school and college getting over in a flick...
and time was just playing its' trick...
and before I realized...
Here I am in a new country...
all mesimerized...
still pinch myself to find everything around me is for real...
miss my home...but got one over here...
miss mum, dad, family n' friends...
but getting to know things that are new and trying to comprehend...
feeling amused as life unfolds...
experiencing the new and cherishing the old...
and waiting for the next day with some new stories to be told...

another weekend's over...:(

2007-02-11T22:06:00.000-08:00

so many things happening...so many things to be done...so many destinations to be reached...so many journeys to travel...so many things to be explored...

crux of the story is...I've got so much to write but falling short of chance n' time...
just the highlights right now...details later...

Friday...
went out to Chipotle for lunch and had a sllllurrpingly tasty Mexican lunch! those Burritos were awsumm!!
the good day ended soon with issues popping up at 9 p.m. and I ended up with a night out in front of that laptop till 10 in the morning...:((

Saturday...
did laundry...;)) whatta thing to mention!! heheheheee
watched My Best Friend's Wedding and Jerry Maguire...
went to Michaels...its one of the biggest store for arts n' crafts!! details later...
had one of the best chocolate icecreams at Ben n' Jerry's!
had a gappa party at home... with some tasty tortillas n' salsa...c'mon guys I am a foodie...can't help that !!! ;)
played cards after a long time...

Sunday...
went to Gurudwara and had lunch at langar... awsumm food again!!
went to see the frozen River Fox...
watched Guru...
enjoyed the snowfall!! feeling the cotton-like-snow on your face is amazing...

thats it right now...gotto go to sleep...kal fir Monday!! AAAAAH i hate those mondays!!!

its' chillllllinnnnnnnggggg.....!!!

2007-02-07T11:49:00.000-08:00

I had written this post yesterday but forgot to put it on the blog…better late than never…so here it is…

The temperature’s –30 degree F and its’ chillllllling!!! I just saw outside the window and all’s covered in a white sheet of snow…looks beautiful but only for a while…for a moment I remembered the Mumbai rains…only that the water was replaced by snow!!! I dunno how am I going to drive back home with all the snow around…its’ a usual day in the office…all work no play…gotto finish up things…dreaming of going home, getting inside the blanket and enjoying a cuppa coffee reading a book…but as of now I can only “dream” about it…

I decide to do something practical…so take a break…write my blog and go back to work…

Ah, before I end…Tim bought cookies for all of us!! He baked those and they are amazingly awesome!!! He’s one of the most affectionate people around…and getting affection when you are far far away from home…means a lot….here I take the last bite of cookie and get back to work…these cookies are yummmmmmyyy!!!

weekend's over...:(

2007-02-04T21:46:00.000-08:00

its' 23:45...the weekend's over...:(( another week with loads of work on my head...but then another weekend to wait for....:))

I am all ready to fall asleep but thot of scribbling down something on this blog which has become one permanent and loyal part of life....(waiting for a better "permanent and loyal part-ner) !!! In all the cases this blog's gonna be with me always...

The weekend was a relaxed one...weather forecast had predictions of the temp. dropping to -4 degree F...so had no other choice but to be at home....its' CHILLING out here!! neways, sheenu, neha n' I did went for a drive yesterday evening (we were so tired sitting at home!!). We thot of eating some rich desserts and coming back...but then we ended up going for Salam-e-ishq...and yeah...that was a bad decision...except for Sallu!! GOSH he's SO handsome....and he seems to be become handsome-er and handsome-er with his age!!! Believe me...Sallu was the only good thing happened in Salam-e-ishq!! But then again this was my first-hindi-movie-in-Chicago!!

Sunday went completely at home....yes "completely"...Ujju went back to India today...3 months back, when she was leaving for Schaumburg, I had packed her bags and bid her goodbye in Mumbai...without any idea that I'll be here in Schaumburg again to pack her bags and bid her bbye to India!! Life's so unpredictable!! When I reached Chicago, I pinched myself just to realize that it was all real...I actually felt like a moron of thinking so much in the past...you never know what's in store for you, and your "thinking" is not going to make an ounce of a difference...things just happen when are supposed to...

Experinces till now are amusing!! neways, I haven't seen many places till now...All Thanks to this Winter here!! but whatever I have seen, experienced is amusing...Ujju had treated us before leaving in India Gardens (one of the decent Indian restaurants here)...its' funny to see someone take an order for Da'l Ta'dka' and Paneerrr Ja'lfreeyezee with an absolute-american-accent!!! Similar experience when I went to "Milan Chat" and had samosas there...only to realize that one samosa costed 350/-....I gotto stop this converting-dollars-to-rupees!!!

I was making parathas the other day when suddenly some irritating sound started...it took me sometime to believe that my paratha-making had made the fire alarm to work!!! Thankfully the alarm stopped after 5-10 mins...(it took us a good effort to make it stop!!) The very next day I heard a more irritating and loud alarm...it ended up being the fire alarm for the whole building!! within 10 mins all the people were seen downstairs in their nightsuits!! the next thing was "Arrival of the FIRE BRIGADE"!! After another 15 mins we were told that someone had burnt the curry in one of the apartments and everything was safe...:)) had the alarm from my parathas went a bit longer, a similar scene would have happened!! :))) mind you...but I have become so cautious while cooking!!!

YAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNNN.......I am sleepy....gotto get up early tomorrow...:(( I hate Mondays!!

but my hatred for Mondays won't make any difference...So thats it for now...

so much work...:((

2007-01-31T17:44:00.000-08:00

its' been 3 days in the office and I am being "bombarded" with work...not that I didn't like to wrk...but was just out of touch for a while....;)) I can actually feel the stress of working at the client site:( Tim asked me today if I had any grey hair...and when I denied that....he winnked and said...don't worry they'll pop up soon here!!

Life is so different here...My day starts at 6:30 and I reach office at 7:30...(something that I haven't done in YEARS)...mum...I hope you read this...you'll be the happiest to know about this!!days are really short here....they just start and end in a flick!!and suddenly you realize ....all you did in the office is "work"...."only work"....again something I was out of touch of...;) Lunch wraps up in 10 mins....unlike those elaborate meals we used to have in Mumbai...I am just getting used to it....neways, funda is simple...I have come here to work and I am doing that...In a way I am liking this routine...only that the stress levels at the workplace are too high...they are getting onto my nerves right now and I am not enjoying that at all!! :(( but no worries...this will also pass by...

After a tiring day when I get back home...I face a very blunt fact....fact that I am away from home...away from people I love...away from people who love me... (Chunnu is an exception...I just love her!!) everyone here is so busy with their ownself...their life...their stress...their worries...I don't even tslk to all the people living with me in the same house...and I am not used to that...the "personal space"given is just too much to handle....
but then even I don't have time to ponder on it...'coz I just gotto cook the dinner and goto sleep...another stressful...eventful day is waiting for me....

and yes I am listening to "yeh jo des hai tera....".....:))

aren't these lovely....

Mitti Ki Hai Jo Khushboo, Tu Kaise Bhulayega
Tu Chahe Kahin JaYeh, Tu Laut Ke Aayega
Nayee-Nayee Rahon Mein, Dabi-Dabi Aahon Mein
Khoyeh-Khoyeh Dil Se Tere Koi yeh Kahega

I have reached Chicago!

2007-01-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

After the first day in the office, here I am sittng at home listening to "yeh jo des hai tera..."and getting nostalgic about everything....finally getting a chance to write down things...so many of them on my mind...

I reached Chicago on Saturday...all my way of that 18 hours' flight....I used to peep out of the window looking at the clouds n' pinching myself if i was dreaming...c'mon I deserve to feel this way...my first trip in the air made me feel amused!! but 18 hours were just too much at one go...it was getting onto me at the end of it....but yes I was amused....amused at the fact that an ordinary girl from a small town is experiencing this...not that its' that big a deal...but for me...yes it is...for many reasons to mention....at one corner of my heart I was crying...crying to leave the most important people of my life behind....leaving my country and goign to another place...but then again i never wanted to miss that opportunity especially when it had just come to me out of the blue!!
:))
at the end of everything all I feel is Amused!!

another big reason for me to get excited about was meeting my Chunnu!! after so long...! she had come over to pick me up....a friend's presence in a new place...a new country....means a lot!!
my weekend went great! chunnu ensured that it goes great! I started my stay in Schaumburg with the snowfall!! whtta scene mann!! all white around!!its' chilling out here... then I visited a temple...Hari Om Mandir...and it was the "Bhandara" day!! so had prasad in the mandir n' guess what ....the prasad included "COKE"....only to make me realize that I was in US's temple...!!:))

things are very different here...the way of life....the way of thinking...the behaviour...feels good to experience a new culture...something good n' something bad about it...! but the worst part is when you see people from ur land changing upside down aftr coming here....I still am unable to figure out what makes people change their self...their behaviour...their way of thoughts...is it the money, or the insecurity....or its' just another way to capture some attention....whatever it is...its' wierd....absolutely wierd...

I am still unable to figure out if I am feeling good or I am feeling sad...its' soemthing like...

"Everything around here is so fine...but then everything around here is not mine..."

no pollution, no poverty, all money, cleanliness, discipline...so many things to feel good about...but at the end of day I don't belong here...I belong to my India...my land....my country...I don't mind staying here and get a feel of things n' people...its' an experience worth cherishing about!! but at the end of day I wanna go back to India...bole to "Mera Bharat Mahan!!!"
n' yeah I am still listening to "yeh jo des hai tera..." I loved it...n' now I love it all the more...

Something...

2007-01-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

Something I see…
Something I like…
Something I want…
Something I desire…
Something I remember…
Something I cherish...
I cry for something…
I smile for something…
I look for something…
I crave for something…
I dream for something…
I wait for something…
I am living for something…
I’ll die for something…
I wish I’ll be remembered for something…
I hope I’ll be missed for something…

I am sad...........

2007-01-15T01:31:00.000-08:00

Abhishek got engaged to aish...
:(((((((

I am SAD...............

love ya Popat!!

2007-01-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

Popat always cribs that I love her less and express it all the more less...(nice oxymoron isn't it!!?)…I dunno whats her measure for that…but I love her all the more for that cribbing…as for me…I am bad in expressing…so whenever popat turns to me with that puppy dog expression of not loving her…I bash her all the more!! And I enjoy that!!

I dunno why but the days spent with chunnu…popat…janu have been one of the best parts of my life…the golden days…maybe ‘coz we all were so much alike…inspite of being so different…each one with a unique temperament…a unique style…but at the end of day we were just a jing bang of four clowns…that’s what my dad used to call us…Those night long chats…the mindless comedy the four of us ended up doing…Sanu’s popats…washing clothes at 1:30 a.m., cooking food at 3:00 a.m!!! I just can’t get over it…our Happy High Family!!

Since chunnu and janu left…popat n’ I are together…fighting as always…janu n’ chunnu were so concerned about both of us together…’coz they knew how we love to fight with each other…even other people get tensed when they see both of us fighting…little do they know that’s our expression of love…!

At this juncture in life…everyone around me n’ popat are worried about our relationship except for the both of us!!! all advising us to think and behave with maturity…little do they know we two are just too good to handle these things…these tiny tweety bits of bad times here n’ there are not going to make any difference to us…popat and I gotta unique combo…she needs expressions all the time and I am too bad with it…popat cribs about me not telling her how much I love her… neither do I tell her that inspite of her cribbing!! And we love each other for that…

This writeup just for you popat…just to tell you…I love you…I love you lotsss…love your popats…ur just too good with those!!! I wish I cud catalog all those goof ups at one place…!! nothing big or small gonna make a difference in that…I’ll just be a call away..anytime and everytime…distances won’t matter to us…whoever goes…the other will just be following behind…

the combination of the four of us can never ever happen with anyone else…we are just too good together...I really wish for a time with the four clowns being together again to recreate the magic!! hope it happens soon...

pal...

2007-01-08T02:14:00.000-08:00

Hum rahe ya na rahe kal
Kal yaad aayenge yeh pal
Pal, yeh hain pyaar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal
Chal, soche kyaChhoti si hai zindagi
Kal mil jaaye to hogi khushnaseebi
Hum rahe ya na rahe,
yaad aayenge yeh pal
Shaam ka aanchal odhke aayi
Dekho voh raat suhaani
Aa likh de hum donon milke
Apni yeh prem kahaani
Hum rahe ya na rahe, yaad aayenge yeh pal
Aane waali subha jaane
Rang kya laaye deewaani
Meri chaahat ko rakh lena
Jaise koi nishaani
Hum rahe ya na rahe, yaad aayenge yeh pal
Hum rahe ya na rahe kal
Kal yaad aayenge yeh palPal,
yeh hain pyaar ke pal
Chal, aa mere sang chal
Chal, soche kya
Chhoti si hai zindagi
Kal mil jaaye to hogi khushnaseebi
Hum rahe ya na rahe, yaad aayenge yeh pal.................

2006-12-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

I dunno what to write…how to write…too many things happening…life taking turns…making you face situations you never anticipated…bringing you so close to the harsh realities…

Motu is a dear friend…both of us have too many things in common…both of us relate to the shape “round”, both of us end up showing our batteesee (32 teeth) most of the times…both of us are BIG time foodies…just too many to mention…that’s the reason we call each other motu sisters!! The phase of your life when everything seems to just go wrong, even that phase was going parallel for us…somewhere things were taking a “slight” positive turn for me and I wished the same for motu. The sudden realization that the parallel track of two people taking different directions is not-so-pleasant…

Motu’s mom was suddenly diagnosed with a serious disease; the shock was big enuff to handle. The responsibility of taking decisions, arranging things, meeting docs, deciding hospitals is not-so-easy-a-task! I was with motu at the day of surgery, so were some other friends. Hospitals are depressing…completely depressing…but then that is the only option at times…sending your mum to the operation theater with a smile so that she gets the strength to fight-it-out, inspite of the fact that you are crying inside takes a lot of guts…I saw motu doing all that…I saw her breaking down at times but at the same time I also saw her pulling herself up and fighting it out. All I could do was to be there…with her…I could actually realize how much it means to be there when someone needs you…

The ordeal of passing each and every minute…every second till the surgery was complete had exhausted Motu and her family…emotionally, mentally, physically…her wet eyes, her fading smile…had put me to thought…presence of our parents mean so much…its’ so difficult to see them go though the pain…money becomes the necessary evil of our lives at times…friends mean so much…testing times can knock anyone’s door, anytime…!!!

When I was witnessing this whole thing…I just thought about the times I had hurt my aai baba, at times intentionally, unintentionally at other times…somewhere down it pinched my heart so much…all I can wish is not to repeat them ever again…

Motu has seen one of the hardest times of her life, and I also know that she’s strong enough to handle “everything”. I always believe that God puts testing times on the ones who can have the courage to face it, handle it. We need to take such times as an opportunity to find out the people who are actually there when we need them.

Motu, m always gonna be with you…just a call away…I love you…aunty’s gonna be fine…and as I say…achche logon ke saath achcha hi hota hai (good happens to ggod people)…waiting to see that smile and twinkle in your eyes again…!!!

no title for this...

2006-12-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

She is standing at crossroads…confused, amused, angry, upset at the turn of events…she never wanted it this way…all she feels is helpless with the situations…how can one become so much a slave in front of situations!? Why can’t good happen to everyone!? Why can’t things go right with everyone!?

But then that’s the way it is…one just falls a prey to circumstances…that one had never thought of…never anticipated…and beauty is in the way one comes out of it…dealing it…facing it…and winning over it…!!

Gone...

2006-12-06T07:06:00.000-08:00

There he comes…
And stands in front of her…
They meet…
They talk…
And she falls in love…
He goes back…
She waits for him to come…
And take her away…
She waits…
and she waits….
But he never comes back…
He was gone…with his love…
All she feels now is amused!
Why can’t she be like her…
Why couldn’t he love her…
But then not all questions have answers…
Like all deserts don’t have showers…
All she feels now is amused…

you can only if you want to...

2006-12-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

What am I doing with what I have…!?
Its’ ironical when I see people who have less n’ who do much more…

Only this thought bugged me when I met this chap called Charudutta Jadhav. Let me tell you he’s a programming geek, an expert of C, C++, VC++, Java, ORACLE, VB, .NET…and he’s visually challenged!! I had gone to meet him with a couple of friends so that he and his employer can meet the management of our company, talk to them and remove their apprehensions regarding recruitment of differently able people…!! During the meeting all that I learnt was how optimistic a person can be…this guy worked in a bank for 12 years! He gave exams for promotion every year but was rejected ‘coz of his disability inspite of his clearing exams each time…he finally resigned and happened to get a chance in this company called GTL whose VP believed in him and gave him a chance…inspite of holding a Masters in Economics, Charudutta had tried his hands on coding out of mere curiosity and interest…and that’s the reason he has gained such expertise on so many technologies in a span of six years…!!!

He’s working as a Project Manager of the RnD dept. of his company…and to add another feather in his cap, he used his knowledge of chess (he’s playing chess for the past 22 years and is a national Champ) and expertise in coding, and developed a CHESS game at par with the World’s best chess game with special features or the visually challenged and launched it with the minimum possible price so that people can afford it!! He gave a demo of this game and all I can say is FANTABULOUS!!!!

His aim is to develop utilities for visually challenged people which are affordable and can be used by them easily. Currently he’s working on a project to develop a counterpart of JAWS (in short, JAWS is the s/w through which visually challenged people can use computers independently) called Screen Reader that he’ll be launching at almost 1/10th price of that of JAWS.

Happened to write all this ‘coz I just received the news that Charu Datta Jadhav is getting the Best Employee of the Year Award by the honorable President of India on 4th December!! I was so happy after getting this news and wanted to share it to as many people as possible…so thought of putting it up over here…

Each one of us is gifted with some trait or the other to serve the world in our own way…we just need to find it and use it…guys like Charudutta are exceptions but they make you believe that challenges can always be triumphed…however big they are…

Strong Enough...

2006-11-28T06:41:00.000-08:00

I don't listen to Sheryl Crowe usually...happened to hear this song today...just loved it...

Strong Enough….

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

hearts...

2006-11-26T23:18:00.000-08:00

I wrote his name on the sand…
the waves came and washed it away…
I wrote it again with my hand…
But it wasn’t there to stay…
Why can’t the hearts be just like sand…
Where you write names and the waves just wash them away…
But then its’ only hearts that can love…
Let the heart love, lose and love again…
‘coz it likes to take the pain…pain of losing…
And only the heart can find it back again…all over again…

check this out!!!

2006-11-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

found it on my friend’s blog, interesting huh?!!

Bold the ones you did.* the ones you really wanna do. Easy ...na!
(How about more stars, the more i wanna do those!!)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid*
06. Held a tarantula – Naah!!
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped*
11. Visited Paris*
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise…So many times!!
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa **
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower *
23. Gotten drunk on champagne ***
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope ---the Saturn Ring n’
moon look beautiful…simply beautiful…
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment---that was more than a moment…
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Have amazing friends---they all are simply superb!! You ROCK guys!!
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach***
50. Gone sky diving **
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero ( not exactly, but my bro n’ I used to play Vikram-Betal when we were kids!!! Hehehehheeeee)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving *
62. Kissed in the rain *
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China **
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken---waiting for it to happen…
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married * not yet…
73. Been in a movie---a 15 minutes TCS movie!! Heheheheeee
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced - See point 72
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River-----eeekssssss!!!
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"** sochne mein kya hai! (Whats the harm to think about it!?)
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas ***86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house***
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship ***
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children ***
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge***
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you couldn't have survived
105. Wrote article for a large publication**
106. Lost over 100 pounds – wish that to happen soon!!! 100 se kam chalega ;)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback *
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol*
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents*****
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach----EEEEEKS they are SO SO YUCKCKCKYYY!!
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read ...
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair--- had got ‘em highlighted…!
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life***********************************

Umrao Jaan....naah....Abhishek Bachchan!!!

2006-11-06T06:23:00.000-08:00

After bidding good bye to Ujjwala…on Sunday morning…(yet another one to leave…I have become used to it now…don’t feel THAT bad as I used to before…) I sat down and talked to Anjali for sometime coming to terms with realities of life that most of the people come in your life to go away….for some reason talking to Anjali soothes me down…she is one person I have met who’s so true in telling you things, not bothering whether you actually like it or not…a person who has seen life and learnt from it…a person who has managed to save herself from changing for all wrong reasons and managed it pretty well…most of us might get weak and succumb to situations, people, ambitions, priorities…Anjali Tai (that’s what I call her) is one person who makes you believe what is “Right”…

Enough of serious stuff…Anjali Tai and I went to watch Umrao Jaan yesterday evening…let me correct..I went to watch Abhishek Bachchan…and Tai went to watch Abhishek Bachchan and the movie…!! If someone asks me howazz the movie…I ain’t know…I gotto literally scratch my head and try to remember the movie…because I had gone to watch Abhishek Bachchan…and I did that!!! How can one be SO hot!! ;) the best part about Abhishek Bachchan is his “eyes”….GAWD what eyes mann!! And he’s best when he acts with his eyes…I loved him in Sarkaar too for the same reason….as for Umrao Jaan, the movie…it was strictly OK…and that too because it had Abhishek Bachchan…I liked the old one more…you can’t actually stop yourself from comparisons…

So all Abhishek’s fans…you gotto watch Umrao Jaan only to see “How Abhishek Bachchan sees….!”

Laugh it out!!!

2006-11-04T02:14:00.000-08:00

these jokes might be old...but they are SO funny!!
at least I found them funny!!!

heheheheheeeeeee
:)))))))))))))))))))))))

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: First you bake a cake, and put 3 raisins on top, then you take it out in the jungle where the pink elephant will find it, and you wait. Eventually the elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the raisins and throws the cake away. Then you go home and bake another cake and put 2 raisins on top, take it out in the jungle where the elephant will find it. The elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the 2 raisins and throws the cake away. You go home and bake another cake and put only one raisin on it. Then you trek back into the jungle and put the cake where the pink elephant will find it. The elephant comes along eats the raisin, and throws that cake away. Now you go home and bake another cake, but (here's the sneaky part) you don't put any raisins on it.You take it out into the jungle where the elephant will find it and lie in wait. The pink elephant comes along and finds the cake, he gets so mad that there aren't any raisins on it, he turns red, then you jump on him, strangle him until he turns blue......and you shoot him with a BLUE ELEPHANT GUN!!!

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Aaawwwhhhh, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant !?!
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide themselves better in cherry trees.

Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well the trick with the red eyes works?

endless race...

2006-10-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

Its’ been quite sometime coming to the workplace has become an ordeal for me…I am finding myself void of opportunities to learn and grow…that’s what I think…each day I come here, talk to the people up in the hierarchy about my concerns. The best part is all of them have time to listen to me and a decent understanding about my concerns but the worst part is nothing is being done about it.

Yesterday I happened to talk to one of my close friends. She is flying onsite next month, and I am really happy for her! She was struggling for it for the past 5-6 months…but there was something in our conversation that hit me real hard…suddenly she broke down and told me about her fear of going away from her family, her boyfriend, her friends…she was afraid of losing it all….it struck me so hard that what are we running after!!? I was forced to think why I get upset after coming to the office? Why I am complaining about the people around for not doing anything? What is it exactly that I want people to do? Aren’t we just running an endless race…running after something which even we don’t know…running just for the sake of it….

Isn’t it all about priorities!? One can’t get everything at the same time…he has to chose one from many…once that’s achieved…he runs after the other….and it goes on and on and on…I just thought about the many people I know and was amused that each one of them is after something…one wants a better job with a bigger salary…another wants a change in job but can’t get one…reason being his current package is SO huge that the other companies can’t afford him!! One is in the USA but feels sad being away from home and friends….another going to USA after a long struggle but now apprehensive about going there…still another who’s not even sure if at all she wants to leave her country…one tensed about not getting married…another crying for getting married so early that she couldn’t “enjoy” her life….one cribbing about not having a boyfriend…another tensed about the future with his girlfriend….the list is endless….

At the end of these string of thoughts all I am left with is “amusement”….life is so simple and we make it so complicated…. those 10 bucks as pocket money seemed so big an amount when we were kids…and today after earning thousands of rupees…what we crave for is MORE!! Prioritizing is necessary most of the times…but then a line needs to be drawn somewhere….or else we’ll keep on running after the unknown and the next second…life is gone…over….!

Life’s not just about running…craving for more….its’ also about being happy for what we have…stopping and enjoying the moments…making memories for us and for others…trying to be there for the people we love and care…may each one of us achieve what we want and feel content and happy about it….Amen...

Just like that!!

2006-10-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I didn’t come to the office…reason…”just didn’t FEEL like”….and I was so happy doing it….sometimes its’ necessary to do certain things just because you “just” feel like doing them…without thinking about the WHYs, WHATs, WHENs and HOWs!!! It was high time I did something just like that!! And it felt GR8…u bet!!! I was remembering one of my friends’ who used to come up with a “surprising WHY” whenever I did something out of the blue…and ended up being amused at my answer…”mann kiya to kar diya!!” (felt like doing so did”)….
I was zapping channels yesterday when came across some documentary on “giving your brain some rest through meditation”…and all I ended up was “wondering”!! is it actually possible to void your brain from all the thoughts at an instance…I mean its’ hard to think about a case when your brain isn’t thinking about “anything”!! I can never relate to this concept…some stuff ought to go in your mind whatever crap it may be…shifting your thoughts from one topic to another…accepted….but making your mind empty of thoughts…naaaah!!! One of my friend’s used to always wonder as to “how much I can think!!” but it isn’t that hard for me:) maybe he can find it easier to void his mind of thoughts…as for me…I’ll try someday…but it sounds so boring to “not” think about “anything”…!!

unable to come up with a title...

2006-10-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

Life’s going on a boring monotonous track…same office…same boring, frustrated faces, same dirty politics, people pulling your leg to go ahead…I am actually bored of this!!!

But the weekend bought in some change…went to the blind school on Saturday…had good time over there…I dunno why but that place makes me feel so good…it makes me forget all the negative things happening around…I was there for some 4-5 hours…Sunday I caught with my friends at Avi’s place…Vamsi had come over to Mumbai to meet his girlfriend;) his sense of imagination achieves new heights whenever he has to come up with a reason to tell his parents about coming to Mumbai!!!

Sunday evening was good fun!! Avi, Sonal, Mahan, Aarti, Vamsi, Vrushali and Surya…and some more friends of Avi…missed JD and Sheenu so much! Its always so good to catch up with ur old pals…on my way back I thought of the time I used to hang out with these chaps…never did I even think of a possibility that things will change…even I get surprised for not thinking about something that was so obvious…Surya moved out…Mahan and Avi got married…Sheenu went onsite…Vamsi found a girlfriend…!!! Things changed…and I feel pleasantly surprised about it…’coz things happen for good and change for better…Its’ all about feeling good to have such wonderful people as your friends…having a good time with them and be happy about it…

Yesterday was 4th October…its’ been an year Palak passed away…time slips out like sand from your hands…death is one thing I am very scared of!! The very thought of losing out a person once n’ for all…ain’t that disturbing…Palak was a close friend and his girlfriend is still closer to me…I was with her when this happened…everything seemed to be so disturbing and depressing…but then nothing stops…life moves on…and that’s the whole beauty of it…one thing that I’ve come to realize is everything “can” move on…only if you want to…you lose a reason to live, to smile, to be happy…you’ll find another one!! Hats off to that girl who has taken life in its’ stride, faced it with a smile and gathered strength enough to move ahead…I wish the best for her in the years to come…I wish she finds someone who’ll love her equally as Palak if not more than him…Amen!!!

The Most Beautiful Flower

2006-09-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

One of my friends had sent this across....its' beautiful....

The park bench was deserted
as I sat down to read,
Beneath the long, straggly branches
of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent
on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me,
all tired from play.
He stood right before me
with his head tilted down,
And said with great excitement,
"Look what I found!"
In his hand was a flower,
and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn down
not enough rain, or too little light,
Wanting him to take his dead flower
and go off to play,
I faked a smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating
he sat next to my side,
And placed the flower to his nose and declared
with overacted surprise,
"It smells pretty and it's beautiful too.
That's why I picked it; here it's for you!"
The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colours, orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it,
or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower and replied,
"Just what I need."
But instead of him placing the flower
in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed
for the very first time,
That the weed-toting boy could not see,
he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver,
tears shone like the sun,
As I thanked him for picking
the very best one.
"You're welcome" he smiled
and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he's had on my day.
I sat there and wondered
how he managed to see,
A self-pitying woman
beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know about
my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been
blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child,
at last I could see,
The problem was not with the world;
the problem was me.
And for all of those times
I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
and appreciate every second that's mine.
And then I held that wilted flower
up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance
of a beautiful rose.
And I smiled as I watched that young boy,
another weed in his hand,
About to change the life
of an unsuspecting old man.

Munnabhai!!

2006-09-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Watched Munnabhai, lage raho last week…its’ an awesome movie!! Nothing else to say for it…I appreciate the ease with which the Director who picked up only the positive universal principles of Gandhiji and conveyed it so beautifully…I am not a “typical pro-Gandhi” but I simply loved it!!! A really well made movie!!!

These lines in the movie are so true…they compel you to think about it…but nothing else…we think..and think…and leave it….

Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?
Paheli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bhigte hue tahelna kya hai?
Serials ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai malum
par maa ka haal puchhne ki fursat kise hai?
Ab ret pe nage pao tahelte kyu nahi?
108 hai chanel phir dil bahelte kyu nahi?
Internet ki duniya ke to touch me hai,
lekin pados me kon raheta hai jaante tak nahi.
Mobile, Landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?
Kab dubte hue suraj ko dekha tha yaad hai?
Kab jaana tha shaam ka woh banana kya hai?
To Dosto Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai
Jab yahi jeena hai to phir Marna kya hai?

Mumbai ki bheeed!!!!

2006-09-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

Each time any of my friends visit my place in Mumbai…they end up saying…you don’t have the right to say that you stay in Mumbai…reason being my workplace is 5 minutes walk from my home. I don’t have to travel in locals everyday. My only share of local train journeys happen at weekends on my choice…this Saturday too I left for Mumbai Central to go to the Blind School. After the classes I left for Sidhdhi Vinayak…most of the times I visit either Mahalakshmi or Sidhdhi Vinayak Temple whenever I go to the Blind School.

But this time my visit to Sidhdhi Vinayak was a happening one! The moment I stepped out of the temple the eventful evening was waiting for me!! It started with me looking for a cab to the Dadar station for about 25 minutes…finally when I found one, the cab driver was in no mood to pass his time in a jam and asked me get down half way and then I enjoyed my LONG walk to the station in that “OH WOW!!! Whatta rain”!!! though I carried my umbrella but it wasn’t that useful…so I handed it over to an old aunty who needed it more than me and enjoyed the rains on my way to the station. The moment I reached Dadar Station…PHEWWWWWWW…all enjoyment of walking in the rains vanished like…like…how I wish I was good in writing metaphors like Abhinav!! Anyways the scene at the station seemed a bit different from the usual one…seemed like trains were delayed for some reson…at that time I got a call from my roomie saying that some colleague of hers has heard a rumor about a blast in Goregaon…I took a step back dropped the idea of taking a train…later it was announced that due to some technical fault all the trains will go only till Andheri…I somehow managed to get into the next train…the scene inside the Ladies Compartment was…I dunno what to call it…all high pitched sounds coming from everywhere…ladies screaming and shouting, trying to push and failing miserably!! There wasn’t even an IOTA of an inch to move around!! Everyone stood there with their hair pulled!! And WOW these two random firangs taking snaps from their digicam!! Quite an amusing sight for them I guess!! And yes…some of the “camera friendly” females stopped their screaming and gave a smile with their hair pulled…no choice…there wasn’t much space to move their hands and set their hair!!!

The train finally landed in Andheri…and GAWD!!! All I could see around was people, people and people!!!!! They were flooding from all directions…it took me almost 30 minutes to walk to the nearest bridge…I looked down from the bridge…nothing else but PEOPLE!!! Inside the station…outside the station…EAST and WEST…everywhere…seldom do I like to be alone…but this one was an OVERDOSE of having people around…it was getting onto me!!! more so because of the thought that there are hundreds and hundreds of people around you and still you are Alone...all alone...i think thats the best and worst thing about amchi Mumbai!!

Outside the station…buses , rickshaws all jam packed…i had no way but to go back to the station and check for the trains to Borivali…I stood there in between the flooding of people and found that a train is leaving for Borivali every 15 minutes…no scope for me getting into the first train…took a chance and dared to get into the 2nd one…but only my umbrella managed to get in…I was pulled out by some hefty lady who took my place… and there I stood in complete shock and disbelief and also the sorrow of losing my umbrella…the only PINK possession I had…by the time the 3rd train arrived …I was determined to get into it…when it arrived, AHDHERI was written in the front…people said “yeh train me mat chadho…yeh borivali nahi jayegi!!” I felt sad and stepped back…the next moment I heard some random guy shouting…”AREY YEH TRAIN BORIVALI JAYEGIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” all I realized after that was “I was into the train!!”

I met another group of girls in there who were coming from Churchgate….they offered me a seat, water to drink and some snacks! I sat there…tired and exhausted…wondering about the different people you meet in your life, good and bad, happy and sad…some pulling you and taking your place…some giving you a hand and offering you their place…I finally reached Borivali after an hour and a half…took a rick and FINALLY reached home at 11:30…I sat down feeling amused of having a “first hand” experience about Mumbai…its’ BHEED….quite an eventful day!!!

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

2006-09-04T23:22:00.000-07:00

Its’ Teacher’s Day today…talked with mom in the morning…Wishing the teacher of my life…I owe my mom everything for what I am today...Thanks Ma for being there…

Today I remember all my teachers…in schools, colleges…and grab a chance to thank them ….on a frank note…I always feel that my school teachers left a greater impact on me as compared to the ones in my college…from Mohatkar ma’am…my first teacher…going onto Meena ma’am…I used to be shit scared for her but only later I realized that things were different…Deshmukh ma’am…one of the simplest beings I could ever remember…Gaikwad ma’am…one of my favourite teachers and one of the most lovable teachers I remember…. Mahurkar ma’am…I owe my decent knowledge of grammar and English Language to her…..Khare ma’am…a teacher for whom the students had no other choice but to respect her…and Shidhore ma’am…the teacher who’s responsible for me leaving my Mathematics Phobia behind and take that as my major subject!!! And a special mention for Upadhyaya Sir whose love for teaching could be seen in all his actions…we used to go to him to learn Physics…in the 2 years I went to him never do I remember a single instance when he asked for his “fees” and even taught students who were not so well off financially without taking any fee…Then there were Sister Secily, Sister Isabella, Sister Francisca and Sister Dalphin ( I studied in Covent School…and we used to call the nuns as “Sisters”….I guess now you got that!!! )who are responsible for teaching me all the discipline, etiquettes and manners after my mom…

Almost all of them are and will always be special to me and will remain close to my heart…

Last but not the least…I remember a couple of teachers who never deserved to be one…the teachers who actually had a complete negative impact not only on me but also on many other students…but then I still owe them a “Thank You” because only their depressing words kept me going whenever I felt like taking a break…

Today…I remember all my teachers…and trying to do my bit by teaching the kids at the Victoria Memorial School…this is my way of saying “Thank You”…and to end it all...to the volunteers of VMS...Happy Teacher's Day!!!

khichdi of thoughts!!

2006-08-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

I came back from B’lore on 16th…its’ 23rd today….I had so much to write but the “officewallahs” didn’t give me a single chance…I have been slogging like a “donkey” all these days after coming back. Each and every relaxing moment of my trip was replaced by some really busy moments working in front of the BLACK Screen. I personally am very fond of the color BLACK but when it comes to “mainframe wala BLACK”….my fondness disappears as the discipline from our Parliament!!

I had so many things in my mind that I had to put down in words…but Alas! Some stupid request never permitted me to do so….today that I don’t have that amount of work…I can devote some time in scribbling my blog before a long list of enhancements and design changes are mailed to me from onsite…’coz then I won’t get any time to scribble some stupid thoughts as I would be busy with the “love letter” from onsite!!
B’lore trip was cool!! Met Bhai…with his “naukriwala professional” look….felt good to see him this way….celebrated Rakhi and his Birthday….bhai n’ I roamed across B’lore where I gotto hear all HORROR stories about the B’lore traffic from bhai…he didn’t like the place at all…bhai was treating me for a change and yep! I did receive a Rakhi gift fom him!!! We also went to the Planetarium in B’lore…as we used to go with aai and baba…caught up with some old friends…one of them was Sohini…my batchmate of TCS training days…met her after 1.5 years…but never realized it….thats the best part of friendship I guess….starting off from where you had left…I had gone to her place for dinner….and believe me I was actually very touched with all her gestures…she cooked so many things inspite of working in the office the whole day…ekdum DIL SE!! I felt all the more because this was kind of the first time when I was at the receiving end…all these days it was me who used to cook something when any of my friend came over….it feels good to be on the other side for a while…

The journey while going and coming back was no less fun! At times I wonder how many different characters actually exist on this planet!! This lady in my compartment was exceptionally loud and descriptive about the tiniest miniest thing of her life!! very much unlike her mother....who was a personnification of poise and patience...!!! The lady did irritate me for a while ‘coz everytime I thought of taking a nap or going back with my book…she was all ready with some new story of hers….but at the same time there was something very lovable about her…I had good fun…on my way back…I met this “maharashtrian” couple and thought of them as those typical characters which I am not very fond of…Bhai had a good time teasing me about how much FUN I am going to have with them…but surprisingly they were the “interestingly intelligent” lot…and very helpful too…

I never actually like the return journeys…the beginning of the journey is so full of enthusiasm, a motive, a path to trail, a destination to reach….the return journeys seem to be void…void of a motive, void of a destination…but that’s how journeys are…they start and they end…and u collect memories and experiences…meet people…u like some u dislike some….and then start off with another journey....

The week passed in a fast forward mode with me struggling to write something and failing miserably 'coz of my work….the weekend came…only a Sunday for me….I met Prashant Dhanke…my school friend at the airport…he had a connecting flight to B’lore via Mumbai…I had missed meeting him in B’lore since he was at his rather our hometown then…the meeting was only for half an hour but was a refreshing one…catching up with old friends is always SO good!! Even after they are gone after the meeting…you are so much occupied with the flashback…I met Prashant after almost 7 years!! He has put on weight…from lean Pintu…that’s what we used to call him…to chubby-cheeked Prashant…the transition is a pleasant one…after I met him I had gone to Andheri…after a LONG LONG time…there was a time when I used to be in Andheri every weekend…but then everything changes with passage of time…I had gone to CROSSWORDS in Fun Republic…spent some time there…while I was coming out, the gaming zone caught my attention…most of the times I used to play bowling with Mahandra and Surya…infact these people had taught me bowling…I was really bad at it…suddenly I felt like playing a game…it had been I don’t know how many months I had last played a game…!! So there I went and had a game of bowling….and I realized that I was equally bad at it…!!

On my way back I saw the Ganesh idols…n’ then another flash back!! Every year I and bhai used to decorate the whole “jhanki”….thats the word I remember…I am not remembering the English word for it…bear with my pathetic Vocabulary….and place the Ganesh idol there…from aai, baba, bhai n’ I doing Pooja….the attraction of getting prasad…the competitions held in our colony…the small gifts we received on the last day after winning those competitions…to the time I moved out to Mumbai…making a group of friends that were my family here…and celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi with them at there place…one year has passed…its’ Ganesh Chaturthi again….this time I’ll celebrate it in another new way I guess…’coz my family here has moved out…I don’t know where will I be next year…and how will I celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi then…so live the moment…enjoy to the fullest…and treasure the memories…

Ah…I guess I have remembered the correct word for “Jhanki”…its’ tableau…isn’t it!!??

A lazy day at work...

2006-07-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

YAWWWWNNNNN!!! Its’ a very lazy day…I came at 10 a.m. to the office although I was in the Morning Shift…just didn’t feel like coming…and the moment I have come, I am yawning @ 157 yawns per hour!! I got a major request to finish up before I leave for B’lore on 11th …but I don’t want to do it…..another YAWWNN…just woke up from a 10 minute nap!! I had put my head down on the desk and fell asleep…somehow I am just too good at it…when it comes to sleeping…anywhere, anytime!!...still another YAWWWWWWWNNN I still remember I used to sleep in the bus on my way to the college and back…but the special feature of that way of sleeping was, I used to be standing in the bus in absence of a free seat…don’t be surprised….YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNN……and to break the series, my PL pinged me to come over…he’ll eat my precious time with some junk and irrelevant stuff….I better go and meet him…who knows if something interesting comes over…anyways miracles are hard to happen…!!! YAWWWWWWNNNN!!!

Around the corner...

2006-07-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

Palak was a close friend…Suddenly I got a call where a common friend of ours told me that Palak got murdered…one of the greatest shocks of my life…thoughts went flashing back with the moments spent with him…we were in school for 14 years…pretty long time…happy moments, sad moments, small fights, birthday parties, Unit Tests in the school when Palak always cheated from my notebook….used to call me up before each exam to check out whether I was thoroughly prepared or not…school picnics…his affairs…I knew about all his girlfriends…his terrific smile…It was more of a Laughter than Smile…Palak always used to call me a month before my actual birthday….this time too he did that…and that was the last time I talked to him…I guess not everything can be put in words…

It was Palak’s birthday on 23rd ….this poem is dedicated to Palak…my school friend…

"Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end.

Yet days go by and weeks pass on,
And before I know a year is gone.

And never I see my friend’s face,
For life is a swift and terrible race.

He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days I rang his bell.

And he rings mine we were younger then,
And now we are a busy tired men.

Tired with playing a foolish game,
Tired with trying to make a name.

Tomorrow, I say, I will call on Jim,
Just to say I am thinking of him.

But tomorrow comes n’ tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows n’ grows.

Around the corner yet miles away,
And here is a telegram sir, Jim died today.

And this is what we deserve in the end,
Around the corner a vanished friend…"

I don't like...

2006-07-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was tagged a long time back but somehow didn’t get a chance to write about the things that I don’t like…So here goes the list…you have the choice to stop in between ‘coz the list might be really long!!

I don’t like Summers, they irritate me. I find them really depressing…more so because I have this problem of getting blisters on my soles and the blisters are in full BLOOM in summers.

I don’t like pretentions…people pretending to be someone what they aren’t, talking in OH So Sweet tone…why can’t they be “just themselves”!!!

I don’t like Pizzas….I am just too tired of them…had enuff of it!! People who get happy and excited about going to a Pizza Joint astonish me!

I don’t like anything that is shabby…I have a strong dislike of people who keep themselves and their homes shabby…there’s something so negative and repulsive about the very word SHABBY.

I don’t like thin people…especially the ones who can go on and on and on eating like a ********** . How I wish people not putting on weight even after they hog chocolates, ice-creams, burgers, chips, cakes, pastries, and I can keep on listing down all that mouth watering, weight enhancing stuff. Altough now I don't need to mention but FYI, Iam a complete FOODIE!!!

I have a STRONG disliking towards people who think twice before laughing properly…I am still in the process of coming up with a reasonable reason why people get conscious while laughing! Why can’t they just laugh their heart out!

I don’t like people who lie to their parents! I find it completely sick!! The very thought of you lying to ur parents pisses me off….

I dislike people who take too long to take decisions and still remain confused about whatever they have decided.

I don’t like the concepts of Right and Wrong…I don’t relate to these terms…how can one just categorize everything as Right and Wrong. What seems to be right to me may be wrong for someone else…and each one of us have a reason whatever we do…what is the need to place everything in the domains of Right and Wrong…

I dislike people who don’t value Time.

I have a real yuckcky feeling towards insects of all kinds. Don’t actually have a reason for it but somehow they seem to be so eeeeeeekkkkkkkssssssss!!

I hate all Ekta Kapoor serials….they are simply disgusting full of women with their faces painted to scare people off…

I don’t like the idea of settling down abroad… the very thought of living on a land that’s not yours is scary…

I don’t like my friends moving away…I hate bidding Good-Byes to my loved ones…

God!! The list seems to be really long…but there’s lot more to add…anyways I guess this is fine enuff to torture the readers!!!

aging...

2006-06-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

I happened to read George Carlin's Views on Aging... found it worth mentioning on my blog...

Here it goes...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!
Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

These might help...

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Interesting Sunday...

2006-06-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

I watched a late night show of MI3 on Saturday night…Sunday morning was so good a time to sleep, when the alarm started making noise, I thought of skipping the meeting I was supposed to attend with the volunteers of “Teaching to visually impaired drive”…but somehow the “sincere and responsible” part in me was strong enough for me to make it in the meeting on time…right on time…Shabbir, I, Piyush and Kasi met at Jogeshwai Station at 10:30. We were supposed to visit Tanya Balsara, a visually challenged girl who teaches computers at one of the places in Jogeshwari. We happened to know about her through one of the acquaintances and thought of meeting her to hone our teaching methods to the kids at VMS (Victoria Memorial School for the Blind).

Shabbir had talked to Tanya regarding the meeting and taken down her address…we came out of the station and the sight was pretty anticipated, people pouring in from all sides, since it had rained sometime back, it wasn’t very clean a sight. Looking for the landmarks, the four of us entered this place that was bang opposite the Jogeshwari station…it was a Parsi Colony…and GOSH what a place that was!!! I could never ever dream of such a place in Mumbai and that too SO close to Jogeshwari station! All greenery around with beautiful bunglows…a school, a fire temple in the campus itself…what a lovely place!! The most ideal place to take a walk or read a book or write something...

We finally reached Tanya’s house…an amazingly beautiful, cosy but not very small bunglow…I wasn’t getting a break from admiring everything around…we met Tanya and her sister…parsi gals are SO pretty…fair n’ flawless skin…lovely eyes…cute smile…any normal guy can fall for them!! And Tanya’s eyes were really beautiful…they seemed to carry the reflection of her clean heart…I was getting so confused about what all to admire at one time…the lovely colony, the beautiful bunglow, Tanya’s innocent smile, or the flawless skin of Tanya and her sis…!!

We were discussing things with Tanya when her friend Vishnu joined in…he introduced himself as a VMS passout and currently working as a programmer in Emphasis…Vishnu gave us really valuable inputs as in making the kids at VMS proficient in English, mathematics and logic right from the start because that is what makes a difference down the line…we happened to talk about the career paths the kids could take in computers once they pass out from the school and stuff…It felt really great to know that Tanya was a Xavier’s graduate while Vishnu pursued programming out of his interest after doing his Bachelor’s in Political Science from Wadia, Pune…we talked about how they went ahead with their interest in computers, what problems they faced and how they managed to overcome…Vishnu talked about his experiences while coding in VB and .NET…Shabbir, I, Kasi and Piyush were listening with questions in between…then we were introduced to Tanya’s dad…when he entered in the room, his face looked so familiar…I was struggling hard to recollect where had I seen this man before…my struggle went on till he introduced himself as, “Hi! I am Sam Balsara…Tanya’s dad.”; and I was like Oh, Sam Balsara…and then SAM BALSARA…(if you people aren’t aware, search for this name on Google and you’ll relate to my reactions…). Anyways we talked to Sam as Tanya’s dad wherein he asked us about our initiative, gave inputs from his side and stuff…finally Tanya gave us a hands on demo on how and what she teaches the kids about computers…

We finally took leave from Tanya and her parents scheduling our next meeting with her at the institute itself. I couldn’t help mentioning to Tanya’s mom how beautiful their bungalow was wherein she told us that it was their ancestral bungalow and was some “100” odd years old…on my way back I was too full of thoughts and emotions to ponder upon…right from admiring the awesome place to Tanya’s and her sis’ flawless skin, Tanya’s graduating from Xavier’s to Vishnu learning programming on his own to his working as a software professional and coding in VB and .NET to acting upon the valuable inputs we got from them to meeting Sam Balsara in person…while I was sitting there in the local train on my way back to Borivali, I patted my back for getting up early on Sunday morning after a late Saturday night…or else I would have missed the whole experience which was unique and special in so many ways…quite an interesting Sunday…

Too Often...

2006-06-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

Too often we don't realize
What we have until it is gone
Too often we wait too late to say
"I'm sorry - I was wrong."
Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
We hold dearest to our hearts
And we allow foolish things
To tear our lives apart.
Far too many times we let
Unimportant things into our minds
And then it's usually too late
To see what made us blind.
So be sure that you let people know
How much they mean to you
Take that time to say the words
Before your time is through.
Be sure that you appreciate
Everything you've got
And be thankful for the little things
in life that mean a lot.

Meri Chunnu!!

2006-06-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sheenu left for USA today…sounds very casual for a software engineer to go “onsite”…but for me, she isn’t a “software engineer”…she never was…I am finding it pretty much difficult to put into words what she means to me…all these days since her going to USA is decided, I had been pushing the thought forward of spending days without her…its’ been more than a year and a half we have been living together…infact “had been” living together…today, when I had no space to push any thought forward…there I was standing and facing it…when she checked in and said “Goodbye”, I simply hugged her tight…words failed to come out…all I could manage to say was “take care”… as she moved away all the moments we spent together…good and bad, happy and sad were dancing in front of my eyes… I felt so helpless and suffocated in the hands of time…a phase of life seemed to come to an end…why can’t everything remain the same?? Why everything has to come to an end?? Why can’t the people whom we love SO much be with us always….Sheenu has been with me day in and day out for the past one and a half years…she has understood me, accepted and respected me for what I am, she has seen me go through the good and bad phases of life, been there for me always, and suddenly I realize that she’s gone…far far away…for the past few months, all my friends had been moving away…each time I went to say “goodbye”, I came home and cried but had a balancing thought of having someone whom I could hug tightly whenever I felt lonely, someone with whom I could quarrel without a reason with the faith that she’ll come back to ask me what happened, someone who understood my silence, someone who never gave a second thought of bashing me up!! Today when she’s gone, I am feeling awful…inspite of knowing “that life doesn’t stop”…”that friends are always there…just a call away”…”that this is the way of life”….”that I’ll be meeting more wonderful people in the days to come”…I am still feeling awful….

At this moment, when I sit down and write all this stuff…I can’t stop the tears rolling down…I am actually tired of bidding Good byes to people…I feel I have developed kind of a fear of getting attached to people ‘coz when they move away, all you are left with is memories and tears…

Chunnu!! I am gonna miss you so much!! Your saying “TUTS tooot jao”…”jasta dista tasta nasta”…”tutu lipstick laga do”…your order and farmayish for “aalloo baingan”…”you not leaving a single chance to embarrass me (calling me MOMMY in the restaurant and the waiter staring at me)”…your taking decades to get ready for the most casual occasion and me shouting at you continuously…you fluttering your eyes every now n’ then…your “maroing adayein” all the time…our zordar quarrels on SAMETIME with those HIGH FUNDU filmi dialogues…irritating you by repeating whatever you said…our CHANGU-MANGU jodi going on date-shate….GAWD the list seems to never end...!!! Sheenu, for me will never be what she is in front of the world, infact I can never ever like her that way…for me Sheenu will always remain my Chunnu…

But at the end of day, this is life…it doesn’t stop…distances don’t rule feelings…emotions can never be controlled on the parameters of time and physical presence…I don’t know when will be the next time I’ll meet Sheenu…may be after one and a half years…or who knows I’ll join her in US of A in few months…even I am a “software engineer” you see!!!

Chunnu, you have made a difference in my life…Thanks for being there…love you INNNNNAA SAAARAAAA!!

humor Vs sentiments

2006-05-31T00:02:00.000-07:00

I happened to read Sidin’s interview on one of the sites while browsing; its’ quite interesting to find a guy who is an IIM-A pass out and who left a decent job to take “writing” as a full time profession!! Since then I have been visiting his blog. One fine day I randomly jumped to another blog via Sidin’s blog and have become a big time fan of this chap called Abhinav! I really admire people who have a good sense of humor and my admiration grows all the more when they can map their “sense of humor” into words!! This guy seems to be just too good at it…everytime I am pissed off from this place called “office” or when work stops fascinating me (not that I am fascinated by it at any point of time!), I simply read this blog and end up giggling!!

When I read Abhinav’s blog, I was forced to think about the content on my blog and I was astonished to find out that the whole stuff on my blog was so “senti” and “nostalgic”!!! I had/ have no intentions what so ever to compare any two blogs; only that I was a bit surprised on this discovery! Most of the people who know me are aware about my humorous side, and what surprised me was not even one tiny tweety bit of it was present in my blog!! Somewhere I realized that each time I had scribbled something on my blog was at an instance when I was too full of nostalgia and emotions and found my blog as the best place to vent out those emotions…only on such occasions the “dormant writer” in me wakes up!! I always believe that each one of us has a unique way of letting out our emotions; I happen to pour it out in words too full of sentiments and nostalgia managing with my limited, restricted writing skills and vocabulary…people like Abhinav, on the other hand happen to vent it out in the funniest possible combination of words!!! As far as my sense of humor is concerned, I happen to use it with myself and people around…and most importantly I find myself handicapped in mapping my Sense of Humor with my writing skills…very much unlike Abhinav! Maybe someday, I’ll write something “humorous”…at the end of day your blog is the space to write whatever you feel like, its’ not about writing good or bad; its’ just about putting your thoughts, perceptions, ideas at some place that you own…

My trip to "Dewas"

2006-05-19T05:27:00.000-07:00

Its’ been almost three months I had gone home…the office seemed to piss me off completely. I finally took a day’s off and went home…long awaited trip…

Each time I go home and step out of the train, the very sight of aai baba (thats what I call my Mum and Dad) searching for me and change in those facial expressions when they “actually” find me…is priceless….but at the same time I am so filled with the guilt of leaving the two most important people of my life alone…people whose life revolved around their kids…whose thoughts, actions, plans…everything was centered at us…but then the satisfaction on their faces proves all my guilt wrong…strange feelings…aren’t they!?

Dewas, my home town, a "kasba" ("kasba" as in a place just slightly bigger than a village) thats what my friends call Dewas and tease me!!!…but I feel so thrilled whenever I go to that place…a place where almost everyone knows each other…a place where if I walk for even 5 minutes, I meet people who know me since I was a kid…a place where people are more genuine than what I see here…a place with small shops and no "malls"...a place that have small bunglows and colony culture unlike multi-storeyed buidings in townships...a place where I have spent most of my years…

Whenever I go to Dewas, I make it a point to meet a few people for sure…if not in person, I call them up…Khanuja aunty who lives across the lane always asks me to come home…this time I couldn’t go and meet her; when I was finally leaving, she just came out and gave me a box, said, “I had prepared some stuff yesterday…tu aayi hai to leke ja "(now that you have come, take some stuff with you). I opened the box and found “mathri” and sweets…on my way back I wondered that for some 3-4 odd months I didn't even know who my neighbours were when I shifted to my flat in Mumbai...!!! I thought about the difference in the lifestyles of people living in a metro city and the ones living in a small town…not that one is good and the other is bad…but then there so huge a difference in the way people live, people behave, people feel…

Its’ been almost an year and a half I have lived in Mumbai…enjoyed the lifestyle of a “metro”…been to places that I hadn’t even thought of when I was in Dewas…but down in my heart, I still think, feel and behave(most of the times) like a girl from a small town…even today I’ll enjoy sleeping on a terrace in summers than in a closed room with AC…I’ll enjoy dropping in at aunty’s place who lives across the lane without a prior appointment…I’ll enjoy to go to one of the fields in the outskirts of my town with family and friends in one of those winter afternoons with a lunch box than going to a pub or disc…enjoy a glass of "ganne ka ras" (sugarcane juice) than having a glass of COKE in a Pizza Hut joint…somewhere down in my heart I have kept an option open of settling down in a small place rather than a “metro” city…I don’t know how correct and practical it is or what will be the repercussions of the decisions I take…whatever that decision may be....keep waiting;)...even I am waiting....

down the memory lane...

2006-05-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

I had started writing something...but then suddenly I was bombarded with "work"...yes..."work"...that I am not used of...So my scribbling was put on hold till now...even now I have "work"...but everyone deserves a break...isn't it...??

I recieved an email from one of my friends today...a forward to be specific...I usually ignore forwards, but happened to check out this one...and That was one of height of coincidence!! It was actually everything I had started scribbling about...

So, here it is...I am sure all of you will go down the memory lane of your childhood...its' really nostalgic...

When gulli-danda and kanche (marbles) were more
popular than cricket…

When we always had friends to play aais-paais (I-Spy), chhepan-chhepai and pitthoo anytime…

When we desperately waited for 'yeh jo hai jindagi'

When chitrahaar, vikram-baitaal, dada daadi ki
kahaniyaan were so
fulfilling…

When there was just one tv in every five houses and
When bisleris were not sold in the trains and
we were worrying if papas will get back into the train in time or not when they were getting down
at stations to fill up the water bottle…

When we were going to bed by 9.00pm sharp except for
the 'yeh jo hai zindagi' day ..

When Holis & Diwalis meant mostly hand-made pakwaans
and sweets and
moms seeking our help while preparing them…

When Maths teachers were not worried of our mummysand papas while slapping/beating us…

When we were exchanging comics and stamps and
chacha-chaudaris and billus were our heroes...

When we were in nanihaals every summer and loved flying kites and plucking and eating unripe mangoes and leechis ..

When one movie every Sunday evening on television
was more than asked
for and 'ek do teen chaar' and 'Rajni' inspired us .

When 50 paisa meant at least 10 toffees ...

When left over pages of the last years notebooks
were used for rough work or even fair work .

When 'chelpark' and 'natraaj' were encouraged
against 'reynolds and family' ..

When the first rain meant getting drenched and
playing in water and mud
and making 'kaagaz ki kashtis' ...

When there were no phones to tell friends that we
will be at their homes at six in the evening .

When we were using our hearts more than our brains,
even for
scientifically brainy activities like 'thinking' and
'deciding'

When we were crying and laughing more often, more
openly and more sincerely…

When we were enjoying our present more than worrying
about our future…
When being emotional was not synonymous to being
weak…

When sharing worries and happinesses didnt mean
getting vulnerable to the listener .

When blacks and whites were the favourite colors
instead of greys…

When journeys also were important and not just the
destinations....

the list can be endless...

for all my friends...

2006-04-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

I had composed this poem a couple of years back...when V5(Lulu, Pupu, Tutu, Yaya and Good Boy) were moving ahead taking their own paths in life...I still remember, I scribbled this poem on the tissue papers of Celebrations...our favourite hang out place...and handed it over to all of them...as a sweet Remembrance...

today I dedicate this poem to all the wonderful people I met in these years and who happen to be my friends...moments spent are still fresh in my mind...and the golden memories will be with me forever...

In the silence of the night,
there comes a thought about tomorrow,
Will we be together then, sharing our joys and sorrow?
The thoughts going down an abyss,
the “may be” and “may be not” lurking all around the place,
But in the midst of these uncertainties,
there is a belief, a firm belief in my heart.
No matter where we go,
we’ll take a little of each other everywhere.
No matter what we do,
we’ll be there for each other forever.
The bond of our friendship will always remain,
Radiant as the sunshine,
Fresh as the blossoms,
Soothing as the cool breeze.
I know and I believe,
It’ll always exist with an everlasting ease.

One random piece of text!!!

2006-04-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

More than 2 days had passed I had spoken to Lulu…my buddy, quite a long time for me…talking to Lulu has become a habit…that is what friends do to you…I dropped him an email saying “Hi”…I didn’t get any reply, I called him up…still no reply. Something seemed to be wrong, so I messaged him asking to call back ASAP. He called back immediately, that’s typically Lulu!! I was relieved knowing everything was fine. Suddenly Lulu came up with a line…”A piece of news for you…” I asked “What!?”….Lulu replied, “He is in ISB Hyderabad…” for a moment I went silent…don’t know why but words weren’t coming to me…quite anticipated from Lulu’s part…he asked me to talk and not to hang up, I tried hard, spoke to him for sometime, but couldn’t go further…

I always wonder if its’ possible to “completely remove” things that are close to one’s heart …!? In my case I can very well push them at the back, but can’t throw them out...Lulu always thinks of me as a NUT for thinking and holding something that was not there…even I know, there was nothing…but then I have held “that nothing”…I don’t have any regrets for keeping “that nothing”…its’ not only Lulu…most of the people around me take me as a NUT for this!! Quite right from their part too…just because they love me so much that they can’t actually take this way of my behavior or temperament…but then not everything can be explained and understood…not everything can be placed in the boxes of “Right” and “Wrong”…but then again…this is what a NUT thinks!!

Right now, I am just sitting here and typing one of the “most haphazard and vague” chunk of text…remembering a few moments of “nothing”…All I wish is a life full of happiness for everyone I love…I care…I remember…

"When we were little kids,
we couldn't wait to grow up and fall in love...
Now that we are grown up, we realize that,
wounded knees are easier to heal than brokem hearts..."

Winds of Change...

2006-04-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

Winds of change…
Taking me along with them…
I don’t want to go…
But I am helpless…
Can’t I stop these winds from blowing?
Why can’t everything remain the same?
Friends and relations,
Thoughts and emotions,
Am I asking for too much…!?
No, I am not…
But I know I can’t get this…
‘coz winds are supposed to blow…
At times fast…at times slow…
I have to take it in my stride…
Can’t avoid the changes even if I hide…
So here I am standing tall…
And facing it all…
All I wish is a smile for everyone who thinks of me…
Is it too much to ask for??
I hope its’ not…

Generation gap!?

2006-04-07T23:46:00.000-07:00

Tanvi, one of my cute little cousins turned 5 yesterday…Both of us share an age difference of some 20 odd years!! I made it a point to go and attend her Birthday Party no matter what…and what a wise decision that was!! Tanvi looked amazingly pretty in her birthday dress…her smile made her look all the more charming. She was all busy with her friends…a gang of some 10-12 kids…most of them 5-6 years old. Each one of them was dressed up for the occasion, carrying a gift of course! We all played some games, starting with “passing the parcel”. No Birthday Party can be complete without this game! I actually walked down the memory lane of my birthday parties when I was a kid…and all I felt was “nostalgic”….completely nostalgic. Suddenly it seemed that time had just taken a big leap…felt as if it was just a few days back when I was in my school and had a Birthday party like this…time flies off…seriously…

But the surprise was yet to come! After all the games played: indoor and outdoor, the “kids” decided to dance for sometime…only then I realized there were couples in place, as in “boyfriends” and “girlfriends”!!! And my first reaction turned out to be WOW!! I came to know from my aunt about Tanvi’s boyfriend …and I am still searching for one!!! Ain’t that funny!?? Then started the music and the way these kids danced and jived…I was left speechless!
The ease and perfection with which these chaps were shaking their leg was amazing…in between I happened to overhear the conversations these kids had amongst each other…the gals discussed about the latest trends, placed their comments on each others dress and accessories…the guys talked about the movies…the happenings at school and some random stuff. Listening to all that stuff…and watching the way these kids talked, behaved, their expressions, body language…quite some experience, I must say. All n’ all I had a great time!!

When I came back home and lay on the bed, the party snapshots were fresh in my mind. Suddenly I remembered the term “generation gap”! sounds funny, but somewhere down the line I did feel that. As far as my memories go, the way we used to celebrate our Birthday Parties, our topics of conversation, our definition of enjoyment when we were kids seemed to be a bit too old for today…this is very much close to the sentence my parents say to me at times….and I just laugh it out! One of the reasons of me feeling this way might be the fact that I was bought up in a small town…but now when I have moved out and live in a place like Mumbai, after Tanvi’s Birthday Party I felt that the ways of enjoying that I can relate to now are already a part of the kids of Tanvi’s generation…!!

Life styles, perceptions, behavior patterns, everything changes with each generation, but at the same time, the concepts remain universal…Birthdays were, are and will always be celebrated with balloons and ribbons, cakes and gifts; friends will turn up and have a bash…kids will always enjoy the ice-creams and cold-drinks…and of course…“passing the parcel” will always be a part of every Birthday Party!!!

muse...

2006-04-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

Aren’t these amusing…?

Dew drop on a leaf…!!
A sudden call from a friend after many years…
The twinkle in the eyes of a baby…
Your pet wagging its’ tail and following you….
Your first job…
Getting gifts for your parents with your first salary and watch them open the gifts…
Watching a kid learn to ride a bicycle…
Smell of the soil after the rains…
All you friends going out in a group to a crowded place n’ randomly sing a Birthday Song for one of the friends…when its’ not his birthday!!
Searching your mum’s purse for chocolates…of course when your mum’s a School Teacher…!!
Holding your baby Bro/sis in your arms…
Chatting with your roommates all night long and laugh endlessly on some stupid jokes…!!
Attending your friend’s marriage..!

There are just too many to list down…anyways I’ll keep on updating this list…

who am i?

2006-04-03T03:47:00.000-07:00

People say I am an extrovert…I don’t actually have been able to understand what an extrovert is like!?...It still remains a question to me…If talking to people without any hassles or being able to strike a conversation easily is what an extrovert is all about…then, maybe yeah I am one. But I personally don’t find myself an extrovert…’coz I know that there is a part of me which belongs only to myself…I haven’t even shared it with the people I am most attached to…my family…some really good friends who are very few…Ironically, I have this HUGE group of friends…in fact they fall into so many different chunks: my school friends, college friends of my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree, friends I made in my TCS Training days, Friends I made here in Mumbai, they are so many!! If being extrovert is decided by the number of friends one has then I will top the list I guess! Somehow I feel that being “social” is mistaken for being “extrovert”…anyways this is the way I feel…completely depends on perception I guess…

People may take me as a chatter box most of the times…but I feel I am really bad in expressing myself…when a time comes where I think of conveying something I feel….I fail miserably…It feels awful when I find myself short of words at the time of expressing myself…unlike all other times when I can go on and on and on talking…and it has happened not once, not twice but so many times! The worst part is I goof up and mess up things beyond my imagination…only when it all has happened I realize how bad I am with words…but that’s the way I am…I hate giving and taking any explanations…even when I realize that I have messed up completely, I don’t explain things…I feel if one’s intentions are clear, there’s no reason to explain things…people close to me know this side of mine…they believe me and my intentions but at all other times the results are misunderstandings…I have this belief that if you intend something good, it’ll be reflected down the line…experiences confuse me so much at times…when I am quiet, I goof up and when I speak out, I am misunderstood!!
But at the end of the day, I know down in my heart that I am right and I intend good…that’s enough to make me happy!!

may be...

2006-03-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days coming, days passing….life’s just moving on…many a times I end up feeling like this…somewhere down in my heart I have come to realize that this is not I want to do; getting up, coming to the office, tapping the keyboard, chatting, checking mails, having meals and going back home at odd hours…but still I am doing it…’coz there are some things which you have to do. Maybe I am in the process of finding a destination, the journey of which will make me happy…

But in spite of all this I have found a place which brings the “feel good factor” in my life! A place where I go whenever this monotonous and boring life gets onto me! Its’ this school for visually impaired, a bit far from my home…I actually don’t mind travelling to that place…the moment I enter the school; I leave behind everything that bothers me. The very sight of kids is enough to lift up my spirits!! The warmth and affection in the touch of kids makes me feel special…their enthusiasm to learn new things, the confidence they exhibit in all their actions, the amount of talent they possess makes me feel small at times…

I go there and teach them conversational English; but then that’s only one side of the story…whenever I come back from that place I carry an experience worth cherishing…an experience that makes me feel enriched as a human being…maybe I have found a chore that gives me a feeling of contentment of doing something worthwhile….maybe I have found a way to lifts my spirits to face life!!