The other side...

Its’ the 60th Republic Day for India…I did watch the parade (I used to watch it every year back in school) ...and then for some reason I was very glad with myself to decide to stay back in India... Hoping for a world without war, economy moving upwards, no more RAJUs in the making, AR Rahman bagging an Oscar, Obama doing his bit to change the world…and why just Obama!? We doing “our bit” too! Amen! :) As a pop up thought, do watch Slumdog Millioaire…you’ll enjoy it thoroughly! I am not great in writing movie reviews unlike my other pals, so skipping the details :)

While switching channels I came across interviews of the soldiers posted in Kashmir and their experiences in the valley. Couldn’t help but put in excerpts from one of the books that I read sometime back. The book is Curfewed Night by Bashrat Peer and its’ a must read for every Indian! The author is a Kashmiri and was a part of the happenings in the valley in the nineties. On the lines of my previous post, the book just made my belief in “Everything has an other side” all the more strong. Like the author, I was a teenager when things were happening around in the valley; but unlike him, I could never understand what was actually happening, why it was happening, who were the stakeholders for the simple reason that it didn’t affect me in any way. Even today, I have a very limited knowledge on the whole story. But this book made me think, made me realize the flip side of the story that is known to most of us. It’ll take me a decent amount of time to know and understand certain stories that I am interested in now more than ever.

Here are some lines from the book that’ll linger in my mind always…

Sharif Hussain Bukhari was one of those men. In his early sixties, a beak nosed man with soft eyes, wearing a light blue shalwar kameez, he walked in a daze as he crossed the bridge from the Pakistan-controlled part into the India-controlled part, where he was born. He was returning home for the first time after 1950. crossing the LOC had haunted him through the five decades he spent in Pakistan, as a student, a lawyer, a Lahore high court judge and now a professor of law. His two sisters and a brother had stayed in his ancestral north Kashmir village when he trekked with his father across the LoC as a fifteen year old. For years, he neither received nor sent any letters home. There were no phone calls either. He communicated through his dreams. “I would dream of my school, of the apricot and apple trees in our courtyard. I would dream of the house I was born and of the journey back home”, he said. The crossing had become unattainable even in his dreams. “In my dreams I would be arrested at the LoC and turned back”, he said.

The failure of the subconscious was the border. The line of control did not run through 576 kilometers of militarized mountains. It ran through our souls, our hearts, and our minds. It ran through everything a Kashmiri, an Indian and a Pakistani said, wrote and did. It ran through the fingers of editors writing newspaper and magazine editorials, it ran through the eyes of reporters, it ran through the reels of Bollywood coming to life in dark theaters, it ran through conversations in coffee shops and TV screens showing cricket matches, it ran through families and dinner talk, it ran through the whispers of lovers. And it ran through our grief, our anger, our tears, and our silences.

Hundreds of villagers had gathered at the Reception Centre for the visitors from Pakistan-controlled Kashmir at Salamabad village, half an hour from the Peace Bridge as you drive back from Srinagar. School children dressed in traditional costumes, who had waited throughout the day for the bus to arrive, welcomed it dancing to Hindi film songs. A young man rushed towards Bukhari. Bukhari didn’t recognize the excited youth. “I am Showket, your sister’s son”, said the young man. “I am sorry son. I didn’t even get to see a picture if yours all these years,” Bukhari said. Their moist eyes were the line of control.

The buses carrying the passengers from Muzaffarabad traveled under a drizzling grey sky to Srinagar. It is a road that has been deserted after duck for a decade and a half. I watched thousands of women, men and children stand aling the much soldiered road, waving hands and umbrellas, welcoming the ones who had stepped across the line. There was no fear that evening. There were only hands reaching out of the bus windows, waving in the air, as if each wave would erase the lines of control. I raised my hand waved.


I wish for a world without fear, where there are no battles for boundaries and people in places like Kashmir, Afganistan, Gaza, Israel, Palestine are privileged to rights of democracy, peace and freedom as any other normal person in the world; where children in these places can enjoy their childhood and have fond memories to cherish rather than the nightmares that we cannot even dare to imagine…

My Chennai stay: The flip side

After reading my previous posts on Chennai, I was told by friends that the content was good enough to scare people off from this place! I never intended that though! So I thought to write something on the flip side of my stay in Chennai and when I think about it, it hasn’t been that bad either! I got another chance to visit and “live” in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know the language, the culture…so just added up another bunch of experiences in my kitty! Some of the experiences were hard enough where in I had to struggle to find an accommodation or for something as trivial as hiring an autorickshaw that was never achieved without a fight!

But then as I said earlier, everything has “the other side”… in the day to day struggle of my stay in Chennai, I did come across people who were sweet enough to help me out…be it a shopkeeper to suggest me to take a local train rather than getting into an ordeal with the rickshaw driver, or a rickshaw driver to help me out look for PGs around the place. All these years, whatever places I have visited and lived on my own, I realized something…wherever you go, you’ll always find genuine people to help you out…that there are certain characteristics that go beyond the confines of country, state, region, culture, and language…I still remember one of the experiences had with an autouwala in Chennai…the trend here is to bargain a lot with the autowala to decide on a fair deal (I mentioned in my previous post that the meters here mere showpieces). To avoid the frustration of the arguments; I always prefer to travel in the local buses against an auto. But one of the days, I had to reach somewhere urgently so was not left with a choice but to take an auto ride. Gotten used to the trend, I stopped an auto and asked him how much is he going to charge for the ride…what followed was a pleasant surprise! The auto driver in his late fifties replied back, “Madam, its’ sad to see educated people like you ask this question…my auto has a meter and I’ll charge whatever comes in the meter.” I was zapped for a moment; then I just smiled and got in the rick. On the way, I told him about the trend followed by the autowallas in Chennai that doesn’t leave us with an option but to bargain. He just smiled and replied, “Someone has to start…” The experience did teach me lessons, lesson “to start” wherever possible, and the realization that there are good people everywhere.

All n’ all, my stay in Chennai has been a bunch of learning experiences and fond memories…I made some good friends, gotta chance to catch up with my uncle-aunty and friends…was able to frequent my Bro’s place in B’lore so often…visited home more frequently than I did while in US…tried my hands on learning Tamil (I learnt only the slangs though!), gave my pubbing, clubbing and partying a break for sometime (have been in the “good gal” mode for the last few months! ;)) , walks on the beach (though alone:( ) were something I throughly enjoyed and last but not the least, my quota of reading increased with the ample time I had on my hands here! Interpreter of Maladies, Inheritence of Loss, Lajja, Curfewed Night, Reading Lolita in Tehran, Shantaram (that was a re-read for me) , God of small things, Unaccustomed Earth were long time due! Thanks to my Chennai stay, I finished up with these and few others :) My stay in Chennai is going to end pretty soon and I am happy I have fond memories of the past five months to treasure…

Sunday alone in Chennai...not a very good idea!

After spending the whole of Saturday in the office, I was looking forward for a nice Sunday…and then the question popped…Anyone around?!? The answer was pretty much anticipated…”NO”! I haven’t spent many weekends in Chennai…mostly I am in B’lore @ bhai’s place or else Sheenu was here…this Sunday, for a change, neither was I in B’lore nor was Sheenu around…Forget about finding a soul in Chennai with whom I could have enjoyed DOSTANA (all my friends are watching it and calling me!!!), I couldn’t think of anyone around with whom I can just sit around over a coffee and have a nice conversation!! Miss my starbucks’ days!!
Then I thought of hanging around in the market to get something for Chunnu’s wedding…but didn’t find anything good other than Kanjivaram Sarees!! Don’t be surprised if you see me in my denims in Chunnu’s wedding!! :D finally I was so @#$%#%*$#%*# that I decided to do something that won’t fail in any case, and so I just went to a bookshop and spent my Sunday there…this was one of the wisest things I did yesterday! The next wise thing was buying a couple of books…nothing could have made me feel better…! I came back to my room after spending almost 3-4 hours in the book store just to see my roomie watching some Tamil movie with a volume that was good enough to be heard by our neighbors!! I really don’t mind that…neither do I have any presumptions about it, but just that its’ going overboard these days…or maybe I am on the verge of losing my patience…haven’t reached the final stage though….!! After reading for some more time, I tried my phonebook…conversations over the phone are not that bad either…but ALAS!! All possible scenarios came up which prevented this from happening…either people were not reachable, or there was no reply, or they were busy with some family function, or they were busy watching movies, or sleeping in US!! I cannot blame them for any of these things…at the end of the day, the only thing that came to my mind was Atul’s post when he was trying to figure out someone from his huge group of friends to spend a weekend with…mine was a similar case yesterday…maybe a bit worse than that…unlike Atul, I do not remember how many people I have on my friend’s list on ORKUT, but I do remember that’s a decent number…but most of them are more of my acquaintances than friends…(if not, they would have turned into acquaintances by now…c’mon! its’ been ages I have logged into ORKUT!!) Also, I have a pretty limited number of people I usually speak on the phone these days…which made the chances of me getting engaged on the phone still meager…I was kinda frustrated yesterday (which I seldom am)…was wondering about it when my friend said,” you need to be frustrated at times…else you get habitual to things that frustrate you…” all I did after hearing that was “smile”….there was another reason for me to smile…after a LONG time I behaved like normal person and got frustrated of being alone…!

List updated...

Two years back, I had picked things that I had done and wanted to do…and it feels good that I actually did some on the list…thought of updating it! :)

Bold the ones you did.* the ones you really wanna do. Easy ...na!(How about more stars, the more i wanna do those!!)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid*
06. Held a tarantula – Naah!!
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped*
11. Visited Paris*
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise…So many times!!
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game1
6. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa **
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower *
23. Gotten drunk on champagne ***
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope ---the Saturn Ring n’moon look beautiful…simply beautiful…
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment---that was more than a moment…
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Have amazing friends---they all are simply superb!! You ROCK guys!!
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach***
50. Gone sky diving **
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero ( not exactly, but my bro n’ I used to play Vikram-Betal when we were kids!!! Hehehehheeeee)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving *
62. Kissed in the rain ***
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China **
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken---waiting for it to happen…
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married ** not yet…
73. Been in a movie---a 15 minutes TCS movie!! Heheheheeee
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced - See point 72
76. Gone without food for 5 days (if that doesn’t include Salad!! Heheheheheh)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River-----eeekssssss!!!
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"** sochne mein kya hai! (Whats the harm to think about it!?)
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas ***
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house***
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship ***
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children ***
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge***
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you couldn't have survived
105. Wrote article for a large publication** (but did get one of my poems published!!)
106. Lost over 100 pounds – wish that to happen soon!!! 100 se kam chalega ;)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback *
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol*
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents*****
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach----EEEEEKS they are SO SO YUCKCKCKYYY!!
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read ...
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Painted your face and kept it for the whole day
145. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
146. Had a booth at a street fair
147. Dyed your hair--- had got ‘em highlighted…!
148. Been a DJ
149. Shaved your head
150. Caused a car accident (did not cause it, but was a part of the accident...not one of the best things to do!!)
151. Saved someone's life***********************************

My Lunch today...

Highlights of my lunch today in Chennai office canteen:

A North Indian thali with specialities as: DAWA PARATA and BENDI MASALA!!

Can you beat that!? To top it all the “BENDIs” cooked in water!

Everything else is manageable….but I am missing my kitchen and cooking routine…immensely L Waiting to get to a place I can set up my kitchen and start cooking again!

falling in love again...with Mumbai!!

Last week was one the best weeks I’ve had after coming to India….especially after coming to Chennai!! All family getting together at Bhai’s place… felt good…still remember Bhai as that stupid little kid who was supposed to hold my hand wherever we used to go…markets, b’day parties, picnic …and suddenly you realize that kid brothers are no longer kid brothers…they are grown up adults…and then BANG!! You realize that you have grown old! Moreover when you celebrate your 28th b’day with everyone around younger than you; the realization is nothing but stronger! Wearing a b’day cap or cutting a cake or people around putting icing on your face do not hold good enough to make you forget that you are growing old…GOSH! I sound so old!! J but I did feel this…not that my 28th b’day will make me stop doing certain things, but there’s no harm to accept your age! Isn’t it!?
But apart from turning 28, the week had lots more in its’ kitty! Nothing can make you feel better than a big family get together!! Mum n’ dad…uncle n’ aunt…grandma n’ grandpa all around…you actually don’t do anything specific; but just being with them is something you can cherish anytime! And just to put an icing on the cake, my vacation was concluded with a trip to Mumbai!! Aamchi Mumbai!! And believe me, I fell in love with that place…all over again!! Most of the times, I get pretty nostalgic about Mumbai…great city, greater friends, memories…all are a part of the nostalgia…but this time, it was just about “being in Mumbai”…I just felt so much at home! My love for Dewas/ Indore will always remain…for the mere fact that my family’s there, I have grown up there…but my affair with Mumbai is on a completely different plane it seems! All the while I was travelling in Mumbai, I had this subtle smile on my face…not because I was nostalgic, the smile owed only to a mere fact that I was in “Mumbai”!! Sheenu was finding it really funny to see me in this form where after every 15 minutes, half an hour I repeated “I love Mumbai”! maybe I was going overboard but that was how I felt! Infact, m seriously thinking to find a Mumbaite ;) but apart from all these things, I had much more important reasons to be in Mumbai and be happy about it…Neha and Sunny’s engagement was one the best things I have ever been a part of…!! It looked just SO destined! There are times when your heart is so happy and content…when all your doubts about “love”…about “finding the right person” take a backseat…when your heart is least bothered about the heartbreaks you’ve had…Neha-Sunny’s engagement was one such moment for me…watching them together makes you believe in love, gives you the courage to fall in love again…yet another time…! I owe a special thanks to Sheenu this time, for being a link to connect me and Neha, and then Neha connecting me with Sunny, Atul, Neha’s family, Sunny’s mum!! At times with so many amazing people around, you just feel lucky…but my connection with amazing people in Mumbai has been an old story…this trip was a combination of both…nothing makes you feel better than catching up with old pals…meeting my Sanu popat was one such thing…!! I met her after almost two years; and the best part was…when we met and hugged each other, it never felt as if it was after two years! That’s the most beautiful thing a friendship can ever have!! Picking it up from the same point you had left…I love ya Popat…and I miss ya! But I know certain things would never change…and I pray they don’t…Amen!! Its’ been almost a week I came back to Chennai and I am still in the Mumbai hangover and its’ pretty obvious! I am trying to get back to my “Yeppedierkinga” mode for sometime at least (‘coz I know its’ only for sometime!) ;) as for my heart…it’ll always be with my home Dewas/ Indore and my second home aamchi Mumbai!! :D

Ri2 reaches Chennai!!

before you guys start reading, lemme tell you that I had written this post LONG LONG back but got a chance only today to put it on the blog! :)

Life has been on a roller coaster ride…I know its’ been a long long time I have put anything on the blog…really sorry to all my readers not that I was not writing stuff, but nothing worth putting on the blog…
Something or the other has been happening around…good or bad, I dunno, but for a reason for sure! I am still pondering over the reasons though…I came back to India a month back…not to my home, not to Mumbai…but to Chennai!! Packing my bags from USA and coming back happened pretty suddenly…most of my friends may still be unaware of this event! J coming back to India always feels good, but I was sad too…for leaving US, for leaving my home out there…this is one aspect I strongly dislike about my job…you are on a constant move! You go to a place, get a house, try turning it to a home and then its’ time for you to leave…its’ doesn’t let you get attached…as for me, it has just turned out in making me all the more detached…this one was just one of the few events that have happened in the past that has turned me to a pretty detached person…from things, people, places…I guess that’s the best way to avoid getting hurt…I always say this after getting hurt because of an attachment…learning the lesson and repeating the same mistake again!! But that’s the way it happens with me…I learn the hard way! But then its’ only because of my job that I was able to see all these places, go somewhere outside my country, live there, know the people and culture. That’s the flip side and I love my job for that! :D
Being in Chennai has been an experience in itself...No offence meant, but its’ not the first choice of most of the people who belong to any place above AP to live in Chennai. I had my friends, colleagues telling me all sorts of scary stories about the place and cribbing about almost everything here!! For me, I am not the “cribbing” kind, it just doesn’t come to me…maybe that’s one of the reasons I stand here in life, because I could not crib about something or I could not just go ahead and demand something…. So back to the point, anything and everything is fine with Ritu! J As for Chennai, I am not able to call it bad…its’ just very different from the places I am used to. I am pretty sure the Chennai people would be feeling the same when they move out of Chennai to some other place. Its’ just a matter of habits and trends that you are used to…nothing more, nothing less. I am not sure whether to get surprised or shocked about me not feeling bad for living in a place that’s full of strangers and rather finding it nice to be among complete strangers!! I get scared of myself at times…but then I guess it was something that was much needed. Chennai is completely different in all respects: the place, people, food, language, everything. As for the difference, its’ pretty huge as compared to the places I have been before. From Mumbai to US, coming back to Chennai is a big event in itself!
To start with, the biggest barrier over here is the language! Believe me, if you know Tamil, it won’t be that bad a place…though supposedly, I am living in the better parts of the city . So I do have people replying back to me in English In the workplace too, you’ll find people mumbling in some language that sounds like a tongue twister! I am trying my hands on Tamil these days!! Not much, only kunchum kunchum! ;)
Then comes the weather, its’ not that bad right now, again supposedly, I am visiting Chennai in one the best seasons! As for the humidity and heat, I have experienced that in Mumbai too My loyal friends, my blisters have started visiting me more frequently now:-s
Next is the crowd…the crowd here is strictly absolutely traditional. You actually won’t get a feel of being in a Metro when you look at the crowd here. But then that’s the way it is. The “style” element is somewhat missing from the crowd; though it can be found scattered around, but the sight is very rare. The appearance is purely traditional and simplistic in nature. Tradition and Simplicity are a BIG YES for me, just that it seems to go overboard in this place. The parameter of a lady wearing saree, salwar kameez or a pair of jeans as a basis to judge how “modern” she is or how “independent” she is or how “educated” she is seems very unreasonable and somewhat moronish! No offense meant to any place or group of people, but come to think of a lady belonging to the so called “high elite class” living in a “posh” area of delhi who is capable of carrying a designer wear with loads of style but is not educated enough or independent enough to do a job on her own or travel in a state transport bus!! At the same time there’ll be a lady in Chennai wearing a simple cotton saree or salwar kameez who’s highly educated and independent enough to face the world. I always feel that there should be a balance in all the elements; despite of the place you belong to, your personality should have flavors of education, independence, confidence, tradition with a pinch of style, attitude and presentability. Thinking of a person to be better than the other based only on the “style” seems immature to me. I found the people over here very simple…simple to the core and I absolutely loved it! Maybe, they just need to capture a bit of style depending on the situation. At the end of day, its’ all about what’s in your mind and how open your thoughts are…even while I am writing this, I figure out how debatable this topic can be! J so lets close it here for now! ;)
Last but not the least, the food! For a foodie like me, its’ somewhat a pain area…I like South Indian cuisine, but I am having an overdose here…having spent a decent amount of time in USA gave me chance to try out different cuisines from different parts of the world and I absolutely loved the experience! Over here in Chennai, I do not have that many choices…or maybe I am not aware of the right places…so the IDLIs, DOSAs, VADAs, Rice are just getting onto me! I’ve had my share of funny experiences with the way food is ordered/ eaten here…!! I never knew the concept of “meals” till I ordered one; and there comes a big thali with a big heap of plain rice along with tamarind rice, lemon rice, curd rice and tomato rice on the sides!! Rasam, Sambhar and a veggie with the “oh-so-necessary-in-every-veggie” coconut were the accompaniments! For a person like me who’s not very fond of rice, that came as a major shock! My dislike for rice has nothing but grown after coming here! ;)
And apart from everything else, beware of the autowallas here!! They are a unique group!! Meters in autos exist as showpieces here. Meters are strictly “not-to-be-used” accessory for the auto. The fare from one place is the soul choice of the autowalla; and if your face and language is good enough to show that you are not from this place, you are in deep deep trouble. The fares coming up can be as high as 200 bucks for a distance close to 1.5KM!! I tried my hands on bargaining for this deal and to my absolute surprise I finally travelled that distance in 30 bucks!! Never knew I was so good in bargaining! ;)) though I am not really sure if those 30 bucks was more than the actual cost! J
Its’ close to one month for me in this place and I am just getting a feel of the place…its’ always better to gather some new experiences rather than crib about it! lets’ see what new comes up in Chennai in the days to come…

"fix you..."

do listen to this song...its' nice... When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I... Tears stream down on your faceI promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I... Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you

hope each one of us finds our "I"....Amen....

life is beautiful...

There are times when you feel really really low, depressed, sad....evrything around seems meaningless...all you feel like doing is crying out...and you know that there's absolutely no reason for doing that...but thats something you just feel like and there's nothing wrong in just doing what you feel like...ain't it..!?!and to put an icing on the cake, you don't know the reason for this mess...for me...I know the reason..."hormones at work"...one of those days that make you feel pathetic!! just a biological phenomenon...nothing more...nothing less...all that you need is to pull yourself up and "DO" something...sitting, thinking just helps to worsen the situation...and hello! why on the earth am I writing all this!! The reason is simple enough...I am "doing" something...after pulling myself up...the weather's really nice out here...the songs are one of my "all time favorites"...Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi...there's something about the songs that just soothes me completely...now when I sit here and think about the state I was in fifteen minutes back...all I do is smile...I then realize the sadly funny part of all of us, somewhere deep down in each one us is a compulsive self obsessed creature...My wishes, My concerns, My problems, My sorrows, My life, My life's story, and the list never ends...when I see myself in this state from a third person's perspective, I feel so low and shallow...I am on the verge of losing my self respect...but never lose it...'coz each time I find myself in this mess, I just pull myself out of it....look at myself from the eyes of a person who has problems bigger than mine.. sorrows greater than mine...challenges more serious than mine...and all that remains is a guilt inside of being so self obsessed...self centered comforted by a feeling of thankfulness to God who has blessed me with such a lovely life ....parents that are too great to be expressed in words...family that has stood by me always, friends who are some of the most wonderful people I have met, ability to be independent socially and financially, experiences that have made me a better person than what I was, and maturity to understand all these things and then I promise myself of not falling in this trap very often and whenever I am into this mode, then thinking the same each time... My life is a beautiful song, so what if I am not that great a singer to sing it along, melody of this song is so eternal and beautiful, that even my "not so melodious" voice manages to make it meaningful...

Gudi Padwa

Naveen varshachya hardik shubhechcha!!

Wish you all a very Happy New Year!!

food for thought...

After a usual day at work, I came back home and did something that I always chose to unwind myself....."read something good".....it just makes u feel so much better...giving yourself a break from everything and everyone around is so much welcome! ain't it!? For today, it was a beautiful coincidence to read something that I have been thinking about since the past few days...expecting your partner to have reading habits...its' been a debatable topic...I would always prefer a person who is fond of reading....not necessarily that the choice of books or "stuff to read" needs to be the exact same as mine....reading in one way or the other just expands the scope of conversations...at the end of everything...its' about conversing...about something you know...or something you do not know....it enhances you as a person...expands your realm of thoughts....at least I think so...obviously...its' not the only thing I would look in my partner....but yeah it is one of the "important things" for me...I have had experiences in the past where people came out as a complete turn offs just 'coz I couldn't converse with 'em at all! The next stage comes on the choice of books...but thats putting up specification of choices on a real HIGH level!

I came across this article by Rachael Donaldo (She is a writer and editor at the Book Review.) which presented the same idea in a really interesting manner...do check it out...!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/books/review/Donadio-t.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

harsh realities...

It was a tiring day...for all not-so-funny reasons...its' been more than an year I have been living in the U S of A...and there are so many things I like about this place....I like the way things are planned here....the infrastructure, the development....blah blah blah...but then there are so many more-important-things-for-me that I find absent here...for which I miss being in India...miss the people of India...there are times when the whole life here seems SO robotic and mechanical to me...something as silly as a small bump on the road...!! Guess what! You have a BIG signboard for that too!! I mean....c'mon guys! gimme a brk! People here are SO used to living in the "perfect world" ....no offence meant....but they don't have the slightest of idea of what the world is like outside their shell!! isn't it a way of actually retarding people's ability to think!?!? I came across so many instances that proved that people here are not used to use much of their brains for day to day activities...goto a shop...get something....the screen will tell the person at the counter how much money to get, how much to return...! one of the days...I happened to give a lot of change at one of the shops (just to finish those coins up)...the dame at the counter got SO freaked out with the thought of counting the whole bunch! I just remembered the 10 year old kid who used to manage the small shop when his dad was out for lunch and the ease with which he used to calculate the totals and returns and change and everything! its' suchcha natural phenomenon that your brian actually stops thinking when everything around you so mechanically perfect...!! Perfection in this form is not that good an idea I guess! But today was a different day for all possible not-so-pleasant reasons...Jags, happenend to sprain his back badly while playing soccer yesterday...poor guy was hardly able to walk....we decided to take him to the emergency section to avoid the hassels of getting an appointment ( the earliest we can get an appointment with a doc is the next day)! The day ahead bought me face to face with one of the crudest realities of a common man living in the US of A!! I found the term "EMERGENCY" redefined completely...it all started by the long process of documentation of the whole story...the personal details....details of the insurance...details of the ailment...blah blah blah!! I wonder what do these guys do with a person who's struggling with life and death when he arrives to them!! after completing the elaborate process of documentation, started our ordeal to wait-for-a-call-by-the-doc!! for a person in the emergency section, it took almost 5 HOURS to get a call from the DOC!! and believe me that was not funny at all!! I am supposed to be a relatively "patient" creature...but today, its' limit was checked...we could see Jags in that acute unbearable pain...and each time I went to one of the attendants to check when can we get assisted by a medico, all we got back was "I really can't say...the doc is attending more critical patients right now..."; or "its' not a first come first serve basis...we are attending cases by priority"...!! I mean what the @$*#$@ all it reminded me was a govt hospital in India...(I guess even there the wait time is less than this!) finally after a wait of 5 long hours...Jags was taken inside one of the emergency ward rooms...with a tag "The doc is on his way...he'll assist you in 15-20 minutes"....and the doc did came...and the doc did examined JAgs...and the doc did gave his prescription....with a slight difference in his schedule...instead of arriving after 15-20 minutes....he arrived after 3 hours! I don't blame the poor soul for this...but all I was trying to comprehend in the meantime was...Is the state medical assisstance that bad in the most powerful and resourceful country of the world...in the US of A!?!?! In between the wait time of 3 hours for the doc, when I went out to check with one of the persons at the counter as to when the doc will actually arrive, I got an answer that shocked me from inside. She replied, "Please bear with us...we have only one doctor to attend the emergency cases...he'll be there shortly...we have called another doctor to speed up the process..." I was like WTF!!! I never knew that the place US of A is short of medicos!! the statistics that I knew depicted a completely different picture! after today, I have some serious doubts on my statistical knowledge on such things! But then alls well that ends well!! Finally the doc arrived to check Jags, a really sweet and cheerful and last but not the least a very effecient guy...didn't take much for him to figure out the problem and then writing a prescription....and then we off from that place....hoping JAgs gets well soon! and hoping no one falls sick in USA...its' a crime! In midst of all these events, I was passing my time watching people around...and believe me that was not a pleasant experience at all...I watched old people, suffering from ailments, coming on their own to the "Emergency ward"...getting their Xrays and Blood tests done...all alone...I thought of myself...how I hate to be alone when I am sick...how would these people be feeling in a situation when they are counting the days of their lives backward, and there they are alone...with their agonies...with their pains...gave me just another reason why I love India more than any other place...'coz my India has all those things that more important to me than the things it doesn't...it has the soul....it has feelings...it has empathy...it has love...it has respect....in all its' forms...I keep my fingers crossed that it doesn;t lose its' soul in the race of going ahead..."developing" ahead.... MERA BHARAT MAHAN!!!

to let you look at what he's missing -- as long as you are willing to let him do the same to you...

you guys gotto read this! A dear friend shared this with me...

Everyone tries to create a story in their heads to explain the things that baffle them. For the same reason we want to know how a magic trick works, or how mystery novel ends, we want to know how someone different, strange, or disfigured came to be as they are. Everyone does it. It's natural. It's curiosity.But before any of us can ponder or speculate - we react. We stare. Whether it is a glance or a neck twisting ogle, we look at that which does not seem to fit in our day to day lives. It is that one instant of unabashed curiosity - more reflex than conscious action - that makes us who we are and has been one of my goals to capture over the past year. It is after this instant that we try to hazard a guess as to why such an anomalous person exists. Was it disease? Was it a birth defect? Was it a landmine? These narratives all come fromthe context in which we live our lives. Illness, drugs, calamity, war - all of these might become potential stories depending upon what we are exposed to in connection withdisability. In each photograph the subjects share a commonality, but what does their context say? Looking at each face, I saw humanity. Rolling through their streets, I found theunique cultures and customs that created an individual.
-Kevin Connolly ====================================================================
What Are You Looking At? Born without legs, Kevin Connolly snaps photos of people staring at him -- turning the watchers into the watched.
When Kevin Connolly was ten years old his family took him to Disney World, but for some theme park visitors that day, it was Connolly who quickly became the main attraction.Born without legs but otherwise healthy, Connolly traveled the world, taking pictures of people as they stared at him. "I remember distinctly being surrounded by Japanese tourists trying to take my photograph without talking to me or asking me," he says from his apartment in Bozeman, Montana. "My dad was right behind me, and I remember him getting pretty frustrated with the whole process, because it was something that was happening every single day." Born without legs, Connolly was already used to the stares of strangers -- but that moment would help him start to understand that the lens could work in both directions. On a solo trip to Europe, more than a decade later, he was riding his skateboard down a Vienna street when he felt a man staring at him.Connolly lifted his camera to his hip, pointed it toward the man and without even looking through the viewfinder, clicked off five or six shots. Connolly would repeat that action 32,000 more times during his travels, creating a diverse portfolio of individuals from a broad assortment of countries. He posted some of these images online, under the title "The Rolling Exhibition." What he captured was a paradigm shift, turning the watchers into the watched. In the process he discovered something about them -- and himself. "While these people have, on the surface, an expression of pity or sadness or curiosity, looking at the legless guy on a skateboard," he says, "at the same time, they're opening themselves up; they're incredibly vulnerable." For a photographer that kind of image is the Holy Grail. Connolly, from his unique perspective (he's three feet seven inches tall), seems to have found a way to capture it over and over again using himself as his subjects' focal point. He explains his technique as not baiting people, but inviting them to look. "If you were someone on the street," he says, "and I was passing you, my eye line would either be straight ahead, down at the ground, or more often, off in the other way with my head turned so that it would give the viewer full permission to stare without the potential of getting caught." "Patting a legless guy on the head and telling him that he's really inspirational... is probably the last thing you wanna hear when you're trying to seriously work on a photo project." — Kevin Connolly While gratifying artistically, it's also an unsettling position for the 22-year-old University of Montana photography student. Connolly has spent most of his life shrugging off the perhaps well-intentioned, but ultimately dismissive, stereotypical role of the "inspiring" physically-challenged individual. "That's just people looking for the easy answers," says Connolly. "So patting a legless guy on the head and telling him that he's really inspirational, and it's so amazing how quick and fast he can get around is probably the last thing you wanna hear when you're trying to seriously work on a photo project." But Connolly isn't normal. In fact, he lives much more adventurously than many of us. With the exception of his missing legs, due to a random birth defect, the rest of his body is fine, all organs intact and fully functional. A prosthetics manufacturer created a custom body shoe for him that looks like a leather bowl covered on the outside with a rubber tread for traction. Connolly uses the device to protect and cushion his torso during most of his activities. Growing up, Connolly says his parents didn't coddle him and raised him like any other outdoor-loving Montana family. They took him camping and hiking. Connolly became an avid rock climber and a champion skier who took a silver medal in the X-Games. With the prize money he won in that contest, he decided to travel alone throughout Europe and Asia. It was on that journey he began shooting the photos that would become the Rolling Exhibition. Connolly is a champion skier and avid rock climber. But Connolly learned something else during his photographic odyssey -- something that raised the issue of identity. Many of the people he met, it seemed, did not wait for him to explain the reason for the absence of his legs. Instead, they automatically supplied their own narrative, one uniquely suited to their own environment or personal sensibilities. For example, while traveling in New Zealand a woman asked Connolly if he was the victim of a shark attack. In Romania some thought he was a beggar; at a bar in Montana aman bought him a beer and thanked him for his service, believing Connolly was a wounded veteran of the Iraq War. Connolly says he learns more from people by not correcting their assumptions. "On the one hand, it's surreal to have that happen to you and to have that projection put upon you," he says. "But on the other hand, it's a great clue as to what's going on inside someone's head." He's happy, he says, to be their blank slate, if that's what they need from him -- a point he makes in a striking Internet video he made to promote the Rolling Exhibition. In it, he walks on his hands onto the middle of a stark white backdrop, his face blurred by the glare of a powerful light, which slowly drops in intensity until his face is revealed. What it also seems to reveal is that he is a man willing, for a moment at least, to be the object of your gaze, to let you look at what he's missing -- as long as you are willing to let him do the same to you. Kevin Connolly graduates from college in May and says his next photographic journey could include exploring some of the world's conflict zones.

the break is over...

almost 6months....pretty long time....the longest for my blog to remain dormant...I guess it needed a break! not that I haven't been writing; but my writing all this while is nothing but just "scribbling" in the truest possible sense...nothing more...nothing less...nothing worthwhile to put on the blog...life has been good all this while...things happening around...another phase of life that bought a new set of people, new set of experiences, new set of lessons learnt in the journey of my life...each of those helping me grow as a human being...making me realize about everything I need to improve in myself...adding salt n' pepper to my life's recipie in perfect proportions!! something or the other has been happening around since I came to San Antonio from Chicago...after six months suddenly I realized that I have turned into a workaholic...spending 12-15 hours in the office everyday...most of the times, even the weekends are not spared from this...but the best part is...I am enjoying it....I don;t remember the last time I had worked SO much ;)) so typically unlike me...times b/w the work remind me of old days...and I get nostalgic...apart from work, things have been happening around...attachments and detachments have become a part of life...I guess I have become pretty used to these...but most of the times its' difficult to make people understand that detachments dont stop you from caring about people...its' a pretty ironical and confusing line...but I live with it...now when I look back...there have been so many instances when I detached myself from people but that didn't stop me from caring about them...that detachment is simply a way to minimise the probability of letting others hurt you...as for the caring is concerned, that you always do by your choice...maybe its' just a way to make your life easy...I just happened to read Abhi's blog the other day in which he mentioned about turning into a workaholic and how irritated he used to become with certain people around...and the whole thing made me feel just one thing....Deja Vou!! sans the "getting irritated" part....I guess I have another way of handling this...by simply completely ignoring the people...that in turn makes me an "irritating character"! ;) just like Abhi...even I need a break! a break from myself.... a break from everything around me....I wanna go home....I wanna goto aai baba...I wanna be with the people who don't expect anything from me...who won't question me for all my actions...for all my silence....for anything and everything....I wanna be with the people who won;t try to change me...who'll take me the way I am...who'll love me the way I am...I wanna go home....just waiting for manager to come back so that I can talk about my leave! ;)

its' rakhi today....

its' Rakhi today....

missing you Bhai...:((

I was in Chicago downtown the day before...just spending some time there before I leave this place...Chicago downtown is few of the better downtowns I have seem so far...I like being there...m gonna miss this place....I was just roaming around the place and saw Barnes and Noble...cudn't stop myself from getting inside the shop...and there I went in...and behaved like an uncontrollable moron! I do that every time I see books all around me...Schaumburg Library is another place that handles my hyper behaviour! :) I just kept on picking books one from each aisle I walked through...only after I had some 10-12 odd books with me, I realized that I won't be able to buy all of those...and somewhere the child inside me got really sad:( I placed all the books back to their places with a heavy heart...and picked ONLY ONE book to take with me...the book's "Send in the Idiots" by Kamran Nazeer...I had to read this one since a long time...I came out of BArnes n' Noble smiling having done something good for the day...and went ahead to do something better...I walked a couple of blocks and placed myself comfortably in Starbucks on a couch (near the window) with my Cappucino (with Hazelnut, Grande') and a big piece of blueberry coffee cake and enjoying my book! GAWD I enjoyed the whole thing just as a kid enjoys his icecream (one in each hand)!! It was something I hadn't done for quite sometime....nothing would have made me feel better....u bet! BAck in Mumbai, I used to often goto CCD at Bandra and enjoy my coffee, my book and the sea in the front...this is one the best ways I spent time alone...and I love doing it...As for the book...its' a real good one...do read it when u get time...I just came upstairs after reading near a small lake near my apartment...thats another of my favourite places to read a book...I am done halfway...just waiting for this song to complete before I get back to my book....do listen to "maula mere le le meri jaan" from Chak de India...its' a very soothing song...at least makes me feel at peace....

marriage....aah!

the most complex thing is this world are human beings!! and they have this inherent ability to further complicate their lives....I watch people struggling with themselves...for doing something they don't want to...then thinking that maybe they want to...then battling to find out what do they exactly want...whether they are actually moving towards their happiness or moving away from it....everyone around me is getting married or at least moving towards getting married....some because they have finally found the right person...and others because they have to...or they should....and then I am being asked why I am not thinking about it...I end up giving a simple one line reply..."simply because I don't feel like." and I end up showing attitude...funny...ain't it...!?!? isn't it a very simple thing to understand that I simply don't feel like getting married right now...'coz I haven't found the right person...the day I'll find the right person, it won't even take a moment for me to take this decision...right now for the world that seems to be the "ultimate" thing I need to do!! :)) So for all the people around who are worried for my marriage....don't worry...I'll get married...and you guys won't even realize when that happens....:))

Hey, time won't wait... Life goes by... Every day's a brand new sky... Every tear comes to dry... by Rebecca Lynn Howard and Jim Brickman

Its’ 4 in the morning and I am wide awake…there was thunder n’ lightening outside and I got up to check …cudnt get to sleep after that...too many thoughts inside this pit we call mind…I think of a situation when I am not thinking about anything…absolutely nothing at all…and guess what!? I end up thinking how weird this thought is!!

I catch hold of Chunnu’s laptop and start playing around with the keys…I need get one now…its’ been quite sometime that I was without a laptop…gotta used to it badly…habits are bad…I hate ‘em!! For the time being when I didn’t have that easy an access to the laptop, I had got back to my old way of scribbling…in its’ literal sense…I was with my diary and pen…feels good for a change…kinda reliving some old days…I scribbled some stuff about my NY and Vegas trip in the diary…maybe someday I’ll put that on the blog…but I am really not sure when…

Life has been taking its’ twists n’ turns…things happening, people coming and going…old friends meeting n’ departing…new friends in the making…earlier I used to wonder about this whole thing…but only now after all these years…after making friends, parting ways, meeting again and making new ones…I have accepted this as a way of life…and I get amused by the number of friends I have made in this journey…

My current assignment got over last week…waiting for the next one…I miss going to that office…as for the work, its’ gonna be there, at some place or the other…its’ only the people that make the difference…we get so greedy for friends and relationships…all we want is more…Pooja left for India last week…all for good…though I have accepted the fact that parting ways is just a part of life…I still have a strong dislike towards that thought though…I hate bidding goodbyes to people…Palak was the first one I had bid goodbye to when he left for his college after school...I happen to remember him for some reason or the other...23rd july was his b'day...I miss wishing him...I chose to forget the fact he is no more...ahem ahem back on the track....this mind is an abyss for thoughts...i get lost at times...so back to bidding good byes and parting ways...i realize that somewhere I have changed…I have grown up…after coming here, Chunnu always blames me for becoming more of “less emotional” types, a major reason being that I accept the things that happen around in a very matter-of-fact way…I have kinda stopped trying to change people or to be more precise, stopped expecting anything at all from people around…so things don’t bother me now…not that I have become less thoughtful or less emotional; only that this way keeps me happy n’ cool…its’ very difficult to accept the fact your good friends will be moving away with time…though they’ll still be around…but the boundaries of that “being around” will keep expanding with each passing day…that priorities will change in life…that something “more important” will be there in your friends’ lives…the sooner you accept this fact…the better it becomes…maybe now I have completely accepted this fact, Chunnu thinks me of a less emotionl, less thoughtful kinds…but I don’t blame her for that…she ought to think this way…’coz she hasn’t seen me detaching from things and people around so easily before…:) as for my friends…I love them all…I miss them all… and I’ll be there for them always… until something more important comes up…!! As of now…you guys be happy to have me around…that “more important” is still to come…;) and whenever you feel down…just watch a couple of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!! nothing can beat it! And it works all the time!! I can bet on that!! And you know what!?!? I love Chandler!!! He rocks!

As of now, I am so tempted to wake up everyone…(the wicked ritu in action) ….i hope it doesn’t rain that hard…we are planning to go to the temple today (the spiritual ritu will be in action!!)hehehheheee

I win...

I get up and its’ still dark…
Shadows of the past all around me…
I am trying to catch the shadows…
And the shadows trying to catch me…
Don’t know when this game started…
Don’t know when I became a part of it…
But its’ not just me who’s playing this game…
Its’ not just me who wants to win this game…
And there I see is the end of it…
‘coz there I see is the dawn…
the rays have pierced the dark…
taking me towards the morning…
taking me where I belong…
holding my hand and guiding me along…
and I finally I win the game…
‘coz the shadows are behind me…
and all ahead of me is light…