The sunny afternoon on a cold day,
The chilly wind makes her sway,
She sways with her thoughts,
And the thoughts sway with the wait,
Waiting for the wind to stop,
And the winter holding the sunshine in a lock,
Locking the warmth forever,
Locking the life of trees as never,
How many winters will it take?
How many trees will be at stake?
She knows, it won’t be many…

Drop...

Dew drop in the sunlight,
Drops forming rains, showing their might,
Drop in the eye, about to fall…
The held drop that says it all…
People fighting for that drop to drink,
Farmer staring in the sky sans a wink,
Drops together rising in a tide,
Life running around finding a place to hide…
Drops on the forehead after a hard day,
Digging shortcuts leaving the drops astray…
Are we done, or still something is left?
Do we see the light or the darkness has crept?
Wake up and hold the drop,
Hold it tight till you drop,
Let it go and lose it forever,
Act quick, its’ gonna be now or never…

dormant roots...

This one was a combo of me and Jags composing together!!

Can you fly high holding your roots?

maybe you can, if your dreams have wings,

And these roots of stone spread the deepest cracks,

in parched groundholding for ever the dream of fruit,

and in those deepest of cracks, lie the deepest of wounds,

that'll never see the light of the day...

will just lie there in the cracks,

will just die there in those cracks...

and yet the roots remain...these forgotten roots,

lost of purpose that once destined to sustain,

hardly pertinent...keep feeding memories,

hunger is avaricious...and yet they remain as strong as ever..stay rooted,

it ought to get worse, unless...

unless a shower soaks these roots, nurtures it back to life...

giving back to the world a beautiful plant,

a plant that the sun had scorched down back in time...

but the roots remained...dormant...but alive...

pearls of thoughts

An oyster in the sea,
Thy thoughts that flee,
Thoughts that flew in the depth of the sea,
And turned into pearls,
Waiting to be found,
Waiting to come out and touch the ground,
And then fly high in the fresh air,
Pearls of thought in my mind,
Leaving the dark pearls behind,
I throw the bright ones around,
to be searched and found...

tag along...

fading memories,
smiles to start,
sobs in between,
a paining heart,
tips of fingers,
turning blue,
am I gonna die?
all by myself...without you,
blood comes rushing,
in my head,
silent whispers,
prompt me ahead,
will I go or will I stay,
come along to find which way...

When was the last time the world saw me,

When was the last time I was felt,

When was the last time I was wanted,

When was the last time I was dealt...

I stay there, waiting to be seen,

waiting to be felt,

waiting to be wanted,

and waiting to be dealt...

I am the tear in your eye,

that never kissed your cheeks...

that kept hanging in there...

and got dried up in months days and weeks...

Happy Birthday Palak..

Remembring Palak on his Birthday...May his soul rest in peace...

Bright Darkness

Sun’s shining bright,
And there I see the light,
Beautiful and inspiring…
i feel good and I feel happy,
I turn telling people around,
Let ‘em too get a chance to feel the same...
And then I remember my friends,
And remember the lesson they taught me,
Seeing the light ain’t that great,
Be happy, its’ never too late…
Beauty, inspiration, happiness,
Is all in the heart,
and all in the mind,
Its’ yours’ and its’ mine,
Just let the brightly lit darkness shine!!

Blah, Blah, Blah!

Three weeks since I left Chennai…assorted stuff has been happening…I was too tempted to get inspired and name this post as “General Bakwas” from my friend’s blog…I somehow liked that phrase…but then dropped the idea of “getting inspired”!

So here are the assorted happenings going on with me in the past three weeks: -

Spent the first week in Mumbai…Coming back to Mumbai always feels good…known place, known language…you simply feel comfortable! Though this time my stay in Mumbai was more of a social-catching-up rather than work…the work domain included only to walk in the office, inquire about any project opportunities and getting nothing close to a positive response J So after this chore, I met my friends from office, VMS, parents’ of my friends, etc., etc., etc… Enjoyed my weekend with the VMS kids…happy to realize that few of the kids recognized me! All others joined in after I left for US so couldn’t blame them…met the Slumdog Millionaire star of VMS: Sidhdhesh PAtil…am so excited to know that one of my students actually acted in this movie that’s been appreciated worlwide! The weekend went great with these kids…though I found myself amidst a GK quiz when a group of 6-7 answer-us-else-you’ll-bear-the-consequences surrounded me and started shooting questions! History, Geography, Science, Movies, Sports…you think of a topic and there was a question about it!! I guess I scored pretty decent…maybe an 8/10! J one of the kids asked me New Zealand’s capital and I was completely blank!! Not good, right!? But it actually happened! Another kid had a fascination for Australia! He wanted to know everything about the place, the language, currency, sports, and last but not the least…”the number of cities”! few other questions included: How many rivers and states are there in USA, who are the top actor and actresses in Hollywood, currency of Australia, China, etc. National sport of US, how are volcanoes formed, weather condition of places where I stayed in US, how do people manage in the snow, the list is endless….I just wished my kids to be as inquisitive as these guys!! No harm in wishing…ain’t it!?

Had another interesting experience…I boarded a local from Andheri to Borivali on the 2nd day of my stay in Mumbai…as I got in the ladies compartment, my glance met the eyes of a dame…smart and pretty…holding one of my favorite books…Shantaram…maybe I was biased, but I immediately grew fond of this gal. we just exchanged smiles and the journey began. HOLD ON! Don’t you guys dare to rush your thoughts in the Dostana direction!! The fondness and smiles were VERY MUCH straight! :D anyways, back to the story… More and more people got in the train at each station. A scarf wearing girl got in my compartment at Goregaon…there was something very peculiar about this girl, and her actions made her all the more to-be–noticed kinds. She simply rushed in the compartment and threw her bagpack on the shelf above and ran back towards the gate…the train hadn’t started by this time…I was noticing her, and after her bagpack-throwing-in-the-shelf action, I missed a heartbeat…at this moment my eyes met the eyes of Shantram-holding-girl and we saw the same fear in each other’s eyes…the next moment both of us were frantically searching for that girl in the pool of women standing with a thousand thoughts going in our minds…a couple of minutes after the train started, we finally saw that gal standing at the door...we saw her, felt kind of relaxed and smiled back at each other…this whole incident happened in a span of not more than 4-5 minutes, but the adrenaline rush was something that I experienced for the first time. That incident shook me, for the fear, for the helplessness, for the universal nature of these feelings…and more than everything else, it shook me for the naked fact that how presumed we have become about things, to how much extent our notions and concepts have been preconceived with the past incidents! Wish the world becomes a peaceful place to live in…

Watched Oscars and it was great to see ARR and Rasool to get a worlwide recognition for their amazing work! More than for Slumdog, I feel this Oscar should be seen as more of a tribute to ARR for his amazing work all these years! He ROCKS!

Watched Delhi 6 with my friends…liked the movie despite a few loopholes here n’ there …I loved the songs…Dil gira dafatan is my fav…I instantly fell in love with the word “dafatan”…its’ just so beautiful! I loved Abhishek…didn’t notice his accent that people are complaining about…I was lost in his eyes….(long sigh)….and the sweet romance b/w Roshan and Bittu…it was suchcha pleasant change to see the subtle romance which is not-so-common these days! Infact I loved the line that Bittu says after Roshan proposes her…”mujhe laga tum yeh kabhi nahi bologe…”! (I thought you would never say that…)hayyy! So sweet! For a more professional review visit http://atleespeak.blogspot.com/2009/02/dilli-35.html

Came home, always feels good to be back…unpacked my bags “yet-another-time” not knowing when would I need to pack it again…getting lectures from aai on the ocean of stuff I possess! [she’s still not aware of the 25-30 books that I couldn’t carry with myself from Chennai due to the weight restrictions on the flight!! ;) ]…anyways, apart from that its’ just complete absolute vellagiri happening…ma and pa leave for their jobs and follow a disciplined routine…as for me, I am waiting to get allocated to a project, pass my time with TV, movies, books, cooking and search-for-a-project…tough one at this time! And becomes all the more difficult to maintain your patience and keep your cool when there’s recession all around, and when you get the news from all directions about people being laid off from the company, its’ just a cherry on the cake!! …but then, a-pat-on-my-back…m doing a pretty decent job on this front…though I had almost lost it the day before…infact I have been thinking all the what-if options! :) not a bad time to pursue your ambitions, hobbies and change in your professional profile! Well, in my case, I can go bagpacking to some place, or try my hands on that white-chef-cap in some restaurant, or start writing something more structured and disciplined! Infact, had I got a boyfriend handy, I actually would have thought of getting married and play the role-of-a-homemaker! ;)) there’s no harm in thinking, ain’t it!? On a more serious note, I am trying to find some opportunity so that I can start working ASAP…compulsive vellagiri is strictly not my types! :D

Watched Filmfare tonite…must say IK and RK did a pretty decent job…pleasant change sans dirty jokes, dark humor and sarcasm…though SRK was as always I-am-present kinds…liked Priyanka’s eye make-up…Aishwarya looked pleasant with her simple look, especially the small bindi…flanked by AB Sr. and AB Jr. just helped her catch all the more eyes! ;) Jodha Akbar was overhyped! Shockingly “A Wednesday” didn’t get awards it deserved…loved ARR for his modesty and simplicity…and the thank-you-speech of Manjot Singh for his Best Actor Critic Award was really cute and genuine!

And to end it, this pop up seems to be apt! The iconic fashion doll Barbie turned 50 today! Though she doesn’t look 50, but then she doesn’t look like a doll either! I never liked her anyways! Check out this quotation by Paris Hilton: "One of my heroes has always been Barbie. She may not do anything, but she always looks amazing doing it." so typically Paris Hilltonish!!

Help Gaurav...

for all of you reading this post, pass it on to everyone you know...

http://helpgaurav.com/

Let's not ignore something like this for once!

The last time I spoke to Sunita was on Wednesday and was pretty relieved to know that her mum’s been tested negative for cancer…I told her to take some rest herself and that I’ll be calling her in a day or two…the next four five days went by quickly…work at office, planning out my action items after release from the project, attending a colleague’s wedding, sort of a farewell lunch for me over the weekend. I tried calling Sunita once but it didn’t go through. As a normal reaction, I thought of trying after sometime…and that sometime happened to be today…just messaged her to check when she’s gonna be back in office and how well is her mom responding to the medication...after sometime I got a reply from Sunita “My mother passed away early on Thursday”. I was just numb…didn’t know what to say. I have been feeling like a jerk for not calling Sunita since the last four days! Not that my call would have changed anything, but…I dunno…I have seen death very closely but each time it upsets me to the core…the eventuality of losing your loved ones someday suffocates me...For all those who are reading this post, feel lucky if you are with your parents…and for those who aren’t, just call them up to say you love them and you miss them…nothing else will make them feel happier!

Daffodils

Watched The Namesake today…there are some movies that are simply beautiful…this is one of those…my favorite…its’ one of the movies that has done justice to the book (The Kite Runner was a complete disappointment!) Through the movie emotions just flow so effortlessly…watching the movie is an experience in itself…I first thought of writing down my favorite scenes in the movie, but then realized in case of Namesake, I’ll be covering pretty much the whole movie…after the movie, the first thing I did was googling the poem “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth…

"Daffodils"

I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thoughtWhat wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,And dances with the daffodils.

And if anyone of you hasn’t seen the movie, then read the book first and then watch the movie. I can bet that you won’t be disappointed…

mixed bag...

Yesterday was quite a mixed bag of experiences and thoughts…gotto spend sometime in the kitchen cooking and I enjoyed that thoroughly! After a sumptuous lunch, I headed to catch up with a couple of friends. Met Sunita @ Barrista over coffee and OZ Open final…she needed the change to feel better…hope her mum gets well soon and test results for the scary diseases come out negative…whoever is reading this, pray for her…on my way to the coffee shop, had an interesting experience…I got into the local bus and was looking for a seat…managed to get one and sat there. At the next stop, a lady boarded the bus, and there was something very unpleasantly peculiar about her appearance…she had these weird and ugly boils all over her face… that I hadn’t seen before…but I instantly fell in love with her smile! She took a seat near me and we started a conversation. She turned out to be a pretty interesting person…educated, intelligent, working in LIC, happily married for 27 years with two kids were some of the things I came to know about her in our conversation…though I didn’t intent to eavesdrop but she had one of the sweetest and most romantic conversations I ever came across with her husband :) For a moment I felt so small and low remembering the last thought I had while getting ready…I had just glanced at the mirror before leaving for the coffee shop and brooded over the mark a pimple had left over my face…and here I was sitting with this lady whose face was nothing but ugly (that’s the crudest but most truthful way to describe her appearance...) who was so happy and content in her life…lesson learnt! :)


I said a goodbye to this lady when she got down and kept thinking…finally met Sunita at the coffee shop…where we talked about her mum’s illness, about writing as a hobby, about thoughts and ideas coming and evaporating before we think of using ‘em…but more than everything else, it was Fred-Nadal match!! Its’ a pleasure to watch these two guys play!!! Though I am a die hard Fed fan and so much wanted him to win yesterday…but whenever you see these two guys play, its’ always the game that takes the precedence over “who’s gonna win”! As always, great game between two of the best tennis players! Feddy breaking down in the presentation ceremony is going to be one of the most sentimental moments in the history of this game…nothing more than the love for the game, he lost his cool and broke down admitting how sad he felt on losing the game…! But then the best man won! Nadal deserved it, he fought for it and achieved it! With the game still on my mind, I met one of my old friends in graduation after a long time! With my stay in Chennai about to come to an end, I’ll remember this city giving me enough chances to catch up with some old pals…


I reach home and catch up with one of my all time fav Jab we met…I can watch that movie any number of times…(will write another post on my all time favs! :) )After I got tired of zapping channels, and reading through each and every word of the news paper…thought to go online and chat with some of my friends…but for some reason I didn’t get into the mood of hanging around for long on the messenger…saw the watch and it was only 23:30!! Tried getting back to my book…but naah, this time the idea was not inviting…so there I lay in bed thinking, where my thoughts wandering in all possible directions! It amuses me at times on the extent to which our brain can think and thought-hopping it can pursue! My thoughts yesterday night included topics all over the place…going back to Mumbai, terrorist attacks on Mumbaià people who lost their dear ones in those attacks-->Moshe, the Jewish baby-->history of Jews-->my limited knowledge on Israel-Palestine conflict-->Israel’s attacks on Gaza strip-->Hitler-->his hatred for Jews-->Mein Kamph-->recent article on the popularity of the book in India that mentioned a statement by Bal Thackrey before the ’92 riots where he stated “Replace Jews by Muslims in Mein Kamph and that’s what I feel about them”-->the fundamentalists--> Raj Thackrey and his illogical idiotic fanaticism on the Marathi manoos-->me going back to Mumbai-->starting from scratch there-->looking for a project-->the sky rocketing rents in the city-->gotten completely tired of packing bags and moving around alone-->idea of settling down-->(call from a friend-->call to another friend wishing him on his Birthday…a BIG and HEARTY laugh when he tells me the story of bags and mobile phones getting stolen on his trip to Simla with his friends. The hearty laugh went on and on after he told me about the status of the hunt-for-the-thief. As per the police officials, they have got hold of “one shoe” of the thief that he left behind during the chase and got his name-address details through the PAN CARD that he had left behind!!! Some food for thought---Indian thieves paying taxes! What more can a country ask for!!! LOL)-->(back to my chain of thoughts)--> excitement of shopping stuff for the new place-->renovation that needs to be done to my home in Dewas -->missing mum n’ dad-->childhood memories-->fun with cousins-->my cousin Vipula in Mumbai-->her sudden call the day before saying she remembered me:) followed by a call from another cousin Mita -->realizing how unexpected things as these make you feel good-->instances when Imade mistakes expecting something, wanting something and it not happening-->feeling tired and checking the time-->getting surprised when I see its’ 3 in the morning! And finally drifted to sleep just to get up in the morning for a new day!

The other side...

Its’ the 60th Republic Day for India…I did watch the parade (I used to watch it every year back in school) ...and then for some reason I was very glad with myself to decide to stay back in India... Hoping for a world without war, economy moving upwards, no more RAJUs in the making, AR Rahman bagging an Oscar, Obama doing his bit to change the world…and why just Obama!? We doing “our bit” too! Amen! :) As a pop up thought, do watch Slumdog Millioaire…you’ll enjoy it thoroughly! I am not great in writing movie reviews unlike my other pals, so skipping the details :)

While switching channels I came across interviews of the soldiers posted in Kashmir and their experiences in the valley. Couldn’t help but put in excerpts from one of the books that I read sometime back. The book is Curfewed Night by Bashrat Peer and its’ a must read for every Indian! The author is a Kashmiri and was a part of the happenings in the valley in the nineties. On the lines of my previous post, the book just made my belief in “Everything has an other side” all the more strong. Like the author, I was a teenager when things were happening around in the valley; but unlike him, I could never understand what was actually happening, why it was happening, who were the stakeholders for the simple reason that it didn’t affect me in any way. Even today, I have a very limited knowledge on the whole story. But this book made me think, made me realize the flip side of the story that is known to most of us. It’ll take me a decent amount of time to know and understand certain stories that I am interested in now more than ever.

Here are some lines from the book that’ll linger in my mind always…

Sharif Hussain Bukhari was one of those men. In his early sixties, a beak nosed man with soft eyes, wearing a light blue shalwar kameez, he walked in a daze as he crossed the bridge from the Pakistan-controlled part into the India-controlled part, where he was born. He was returning home for the first time after 1950. crossing the LOC had haunted him through the five decades he spent in Pakistan, as a student, a lawyer, a Lahore high court judge and now a professor of law. His two sisters and a brother had stayed in his ancestral north Kashmir village when he trekked with his father across the LoC as a fifteen year old. For years, he neither received nor sent any letters home. There were no phone calls either. He communicated through his dreams. “I would dream of my school, of the apricot and apple trees in our courtyard. I would dream of the house I was born and of the journey back home”, he said. The crossing had become unattainable even in his dreams. “In my dreams I would be arrested at the LoC and turned back”, he said.

The failure of the subconscious was the border. The line of control did not run through 576 kilometers of militarized mountains. It ran through our souls, our hearts, and our minds. It ran through everything a Kashmiri, an Indian and a Pakistani said, wrote and did. It ran through the fingers of editors writing newspaper and magazine editorials, it ran through the eyes of reporters, it ran through the reels of Bollywood coming to life in dark theaters, it ran through conversations in coffee shops and TV screens showing cricket matches, it ran through families and dinner talk, it ran through the whispers of lovers. And it ran through our grief, our anger, our tears, and our silences.

Hundreds of villagers had gathered at the Reception Centre for the visitors from Pakistan-controlled Kashmir at Salamabad village, half an hour from the Peace Bridge as you drive back from Srinagar. School children dressed in traditional costumes, who had waited throughout the day for the bus to arrive, welcomed it dancing to Hindi film songs. A young man rushed towards Bukhari. Bukhari didn’t recognize the excited youth. “I am Showket, your sister’s son”, said the young man. “I am sorry son. I didn’t even get to see a picture if yours all these years,” Bukhari said. Their moist eyes were the line of control.

The buses carrying the passengers from Muzaffarabad traveled under a drizzling grey sky to Srinagar. It is a road that has been deserted after duck for a decade and a half. I watched thousands of women, men and children stand aling the much soldiered road, waving hands and umbrellas, welcoming the ones who had stepped across the line. There was no fear that evening. There were only hands reaching out of the bus windows, waving in the air, as if each wave would erase the lines of control. I raised my hand waved.


I wish for a world without fear, where there are no battles for boundaries and people in places like Kashmir, Afganistan, Gaza, Israel, Palestine are privileged to rights of democracy, peace and freedom as any other normal person in the world; where children in these places can enjoy their childhood and have fond memories to cherish rather than the nightmares that we cannot even dare to imagine…

My Chennai stay: The flip side

After reading my previous posts on Chennai, I was told by friends that the content was good enough to scare people off from this place! I never intended that though! So I thought to write something on the flip side of my stay in Chennai and when I think about it, it hasn’t been that bad either! I got another chance to visit and “live” in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know the language, the culture…so just added up another bunch of experiences in my kitty! Some of the experiences were hard enough where in I had to struggle to find an accommodation or for something as trivial as hiring an autorickshaw that was never achieved without a fight!

But then as I said earlier, everything has “the other side”… in the day to day struggle of my stay in Chennai, I did come across people who were sweet enough to help me out…be it a shopkeeper to suggest me to take a local train rather than getting into an ordeal with the rickshaw driver, or a rickshaw driver to help me out look for PGs around the place. All these years, whatever places I have visited and lived on my own, I realized something…wherever you go, you’ll always find genuine people to help you out…that there are certain characteristics that go beyond the confines of country, state, region, culture, and language…I still remember one of the experiences had with an autouwala in Chennai…the trend here is to bargain a lot with the autowala to decide on a fair deal (I mentioned in my previous post that the meters here mere showpieces). To avoid the frustration of the arguments; I always prefer to travel in the local buses against an auto. But one of the days, I had to reach somewhere urgently so was not left with a choice but to take an auto ride. Gotten used to the trend, I stopped an auto and asked him how much is he going to charge for the ride…what followed was a pleasant surprise! The auto driver in his late fifties replied back, “Madam, its’ sad to see educated people like you ask this question…my auto has a meter and I’ll charge whatever comes in the meter.” I was zapped for a moment; then I just smiled and got in the rick. On the way, I told him about the trend followed by the autowallas in Chennai that doesn’t leave us with an option but to bargain. He just smiled and replied, “Someone has to start…” The experience did teach me lessons, lesson “to start” wherever possible, and the realization that there are good people everywhere.

All n’ all, my stay in Chennai has been a bunch of learning experiences and fond memories…I made some good friends, gotta chance to catch up with my uncle-aunty and friends…was able to frequent my Bro’s place in B’lore so often…visited home more frequently than I did while in US…tried my hands on learning Tamil (I learnt only the slangs though!), gave my pubbing, clubbing and partying a break for sometime (have been in the “good gal” mode for the last few months! ;)) , walks on the beach (though alone:( ) were something I throughly enjoyed and last but not the least, my quota of reading increased with the ample time I had on my hands here! Interpreter of Maladies, Inheritence of Loss, Lajja, Curfewed Night, Reading Lolita in Tehran, Shantaram (that was a re-read for me) , God of small things, Unaccustomed Earth were long time due! Thanks to my Chennai stay, I finished up with these and few others :) My stay in Chennai is going to end pretty soon and I am happy I have fond memories of the past five months to treasure…