who am i?

People say I am an extrovert…I don’t actually have been able to understand what an extrovert is like!?...It still remains a question to me…If talking to people without any hassles or being able to strike a conversation easily is what an extrovert is all about…then, maybe yeah I am one. But I personally don’t find myself an extrovert…’coz I know that there is a part of me which belongs only to myself…I haven’t even shared it with the people I am most attached to…my family…some really good friends who are very few…Ironically, I have this HUGE group of friends…in fact they fall into so many different chunks: my school friends, college friends of my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree, friends I made in my TCS Training days, Friends I made here in Mumbai, they are so many!! If being extrovert is decided by the number of friends one has then I will top the list I guess! Somehow I feel that being “social” is mistaken for being “extrovert”…anyways this is the way I feel…completely depends on perception I guess…

People may take me as a chatter box most of the times…but I feel I am really bad in expressing myself…when a time comes where I think of conveying something I feel….I fail miserably…It feels awful when I find myself short of words at the time of expressing myself…unlike all other times when I can go on and on and on talking…and it has happened not once, not twice but so many times! The worst part is I goof up and mess up things beyond my imagination…only when it all has happened I realize how bad I am with words…but that’s the way I am…I hate giving and taking any explanations…even when I realize that I have messed up completely, I don’t explain things…I feel if one’s intentions are clear, there’s no reason to explain things…people close to me know this side of mine…they believe me and my intentions but at all other times the results are misunderstandings…I have this belief that if you intend something good, it’ll be reflected down the line…experiences confuse me so much at times…when I am quiet, I goof up and when I speak out, I am misunderstood!!
But at the end of the day, I know down in my heart that I am right and I intend good…that’s enough to make me happy!!