I dunno what to write…how to write…too many things happening…life taking turns…making you face situations you never anticipated…bringing you so close to the harsh realities…

Motu is a dear friend…both of us have too many things in common…both of us relate to the shape “round”, both of us end up showing our batteesee (32 teeth) most of the times…both of us are BIG time foodies…just too many to mention…that’s the reason we call each other motu sisters!! The phase of your life when everything seems to just go wrong, even that phase was going parallel for us…somewhere things were taking a “slight” positive turn for me and I wished the same for motu. The sudden realization that the parallel track of two people taking different directions is not-so-pleasant…

Motu’s mom was suddenly diagnosed with a serious disease; the shock was big enuff to handle. The responsibility of taking decisions, arranging things, meeting docs, deciding hospitals is not-so-easy-a-task! I was with motu at the day of surgery, so were some other friends. Hospitals are depressing…completely depressing…but then that is the only option at times…sending your mum to the operation theater with a smile so that she gets the strength to fight-it-out, inspite of the fact that you are crying inside takes a lot of guts…I saw motu doing all that…I saw her breaking down at times but at the same time I also saw her pulling herself up and fighting it out. All I could do was to be there…with her…I could actually realize how much it means to be there when someone needs you…

The ordeal of passing each and every minute…every second till the surgery was complete had exhausted Motu and her family…emotionally, mentally, physically…her wet eyes, her fading smile…had put me to thought…presence of our parents mean so much…its’ so difficult to see them go though the pain…money becomes the necessary evil of our lives at times…friends mean so much…testing times can knock anyone’s door, anytime…!!!

When I was witnessing this whole thing…I just thought about the times I had hurt my aai baba, at times intentionally, unintentionally at other times…somewhere down it pinched my heart so much…all I can wish is not to repeat them ever again…

Motu has seen one of the hardest times of her life, and I also know that she’s strong enough to handle “everything”. I always believe that God puts testing times on the ones who can have the courage to face it, handle it. We need to take such times as an opportunity to find out the people who are actually there when we need them.

Motu, m always gonna be with you…just a call away…I love you…aunty’s gonna be fine…and as I say…achche logon ke saath achcha hi hota hai (good happens to ggod people)…waiting to see that smile and twinkle in your eyes again…!!!

no title for this...

She is standing at crossroads…confused, amused, angry, upset at the turn of events…she never wanted it this way…all she feels is helpless with the situations…how can one become so much a slave in front of situations!? Why can’t good happen to everyone!? Why can’t things go right with everyone!?

But then that’s the way it is…one just falls a prey to circumstances…that one had never thought of…never anticipated…and beauty is in the way one comes out of it…dealing it…facing it…and winning over it…!!

Gone...

There he comes…
And stands in front of her…
They meet…
They talk…
And she falls in love…
He goes back…
She waits for him to come…
And take her away…
She waits…
and she waits….
But he never comes back…
He was gone…with his love…
All she feels now is amused!
Why can’t she be like her…
Why couldn’t he love her…
But then not all questions have answers…
Like all deserts don’t have showers…
All she feels now is amused…

you can only if you want to...

What am I doing with what I have…!?
Its’ ironical when I see people who have less n’ who do much more…

Only this thought bugged me when I met this chap called Charudutta Jadhav. Let me tell you he’s a programming geek, an expert of C, C++, VC++, Java, ORACLE, VB, .NET…and he’s visually challenged!! I had gone to meet him with a couple of friends so that he and his employer can meet the management of our company, talk to them and remove their apprehensions regarding recruitment of differently able people…!! During the meeting all that I learnt was how optimistic a person can be…this guy worked in a bank for 12 years! He gave exams for promotion every year but was rejected ‘coz of his disability inspite of his clearing exams each time…he finally resigned and happened to get a chance in this company called GTL whose VP believed in him and gave him a chance…inspite of holding a Masters in Economics, Charudutta had tried his hands on coding out of mere curiosity and interest…and that’s the reason he has gained such expertise on so many technologies in a span of six years…!!!

He’s working as a Project Manager of the RnD dept. of his company…and to add another feather in his cap, he used his knowledge of chess (he’s playing chess for the past 22 years and is a national Champ) and expertise in coding, and developed a CHESS game at par with the World’s best chess game with special features or the visually challenged and launched it with the minimum possible price so that people can afford it!! He gave a demo of this game and all I can say is FANTABULOUS!!!!

His aim is to develop utilities for visually challenged people which are affordable and can be used by them easily. Currently he’s working on a project to develop a counterpart of JAWS (in short, JAWS is the s/w through which visually challenged people can use computers independently) called Screen Reader that he’ll be launching at almost 1/10th price of that of JAWS.

Happened to write all this ‘coz I just received the news that Charu Datta Jadhav is getting the Best Employee of the Year Award by the honorable President of India on 4th December!! I was so happy after getting this news and wanted to share it to as many people as possible…so thought of putting it up over here…

Each one of us is gifted with some trait or the other to serve the world in our own way…we just need to find it and use it…guys like Charudutta are exceptions but they make you believe that challenges can always be triumphed…however big they are…

Strong Enough...

I don't listen to Sheryl Crowe usually...happened to hear this song today...just loved it...

Strong Enough….

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

hearts...

I wrote his name on the sand…
the waves came and washed it away…
I wrote it again with my hand…
But it wasn’t there to stay…
Why can’t the hearts be just like sand…
Where you write names and the waves just wash them away…
But then its’ only hearts that can love…
Let the heart love, lose and love again…
‘coz it likes to take the pain…pain of losing…
And only the heart can find it back again…all over again…

check this out!!!

found it on my friend’s blog, interesting huh?!!

Bold the ones you did.* the ones you really wanna do. Easy ...na!
(How about more stars, the more i wanna do those!!)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid*
06. Held a tarantula – Naah!!
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped*
11. Visited Paris*
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise…So many times!!
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa **
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower *
23. Gotten drunk on champagne ***
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope ---the Saturn Ring n’
moon look beautiful…simply beautiful…
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment---that was more than a moment…
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Have amazing friends---they all are simply superb!! You ROCK guys!!
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach***
50. Gone sky diving **
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero ( not exactly, but my bro n’ I used to play Vikram-Betal when we were kids!!! Hehehehheeeee)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving *
62. Kissed in the rain *
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China **
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken---waiting for it to happen…
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married * not yet…
73. Been in a movie---a 15 minutes TCS movie!! Heheheheeee
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced - See point 72
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River-----eeekssssss!!!
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"** sochne mein kya hai! (Whats the harm to think about it!?)
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas ***86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house***
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship ***
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children ***
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge***
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you couldn't have survived
105. Wrote article for a large publication**
106. Lost over 100 pounds – wish that to happen soon!!! 100 se kam chalega ;)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback *
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol*
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents*****
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach----EEEEEKS they are SO SO YUCKCKCKYYY!!
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read ...
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair--- had got ‘em highlighted…!
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life***********************************

Umrao Jaan....naah....Abhishek Bachchan!!!

After bidding good bye to Ujjwala…on Sunday morning…(yet another one to leave…I have become used to it now…don’t feel THAT bad as I used to before…) I sat down and talked to Anjali for sometime coming to terms with realities of life that most of the people come in your life to go away….for some reason talking to Anjali soothes me down…she is one person I have met who’s so true in telling you things, not bothering whether you actually like it or not…a person who has seen life and learnt from it…a person who has managed to save herself from changing for all wrong reasons and managed it pretty well…most of us might get weak and succumb to situations, people, ambitions, priorities…Anjali Tai (that’s what I call her) is one person who makes you believe what is “Right”…

Enough of serious stuff…Anjali Tai and I went to watch Umrao Jaan yesterday evening…let me correct..I went to watch Abhishek Bachchan…and Tai went to watch Abhishek Bachchan and the movie…!! If someone asks me howazz the movie…I ain’t know…I gotto literally scratch my head and try to remember the movie…because I had gone to watch Abhishek Bachchan…and I did that!!! How can one be SO hot!! ;) the best part about Abhishek Bachchan is his “eyes”….GAWD what eyes mann!! And he’s best when he acts with his eyes…I loved him in Sarkaar too for the same reason….as for Umrao Jaan, the movie…it was strictly OK…and that too because it had Abhishek Bachchan…I liked the old one more…you can’t actually stop yourself from comparisons…

So all Abhishek’s fans…you gotto watch Umrao Jaan only to see “How Abhishek Bachchan sees….!”

Laugh it out!!!

these jokes might be old...but they are SO funny!!
at least I found them funny!!!

heheheheheeeeeee
:)))))))))))))))))))))))


Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
A: First you bake a cake, and put 3 raisins on top, then you take it out in the jungle where the pink elephant will find it, and you wait. Eventually the elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the raisins and throws the cake away. Then you go home and bake another cake and put 2 raisins on top, take it out in the jungle where the elephant will find it. The elephant comes along, finds the cake, eats the 2 raisins and throws the cake away. You go home and bake another cake and put only one raisin on it. Then you trek back into the jungle and put the cake where the pink elephant will find it. The elephant comes along eats the raisin, and throws that cake away. Now you go home and bake another cake, but (here's the sneaky part) you don't put any raisins on it.You take it out into the jungle where the elephant will find it and lie in wait. The pink elephant comes along and finds the cake, he gets so mad that there aren't any raisins on it, he turns red, then you jump on him, strangle him until he turns blue......and you shoot him with a BLUE ELEPHANT GUN!!!

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Aaawwwhhhh, come on, have you ever seen a yellow elephant !?!
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide themselves better in cherry trees.

Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See how well the trick with the red eyes works?

endless race...

Its’ been quite sometime coming to the workplace has become an ordeal for me…I am finding myself void of opportunities to learn and grow…that’s what I think…each day I come here, talk to the people up in the hierarchy about my concerns. The best part is all of them have time to listen to me and a decent understanding about my concerns but the worst part is nothing is being done about it.

Yesterday I happened to talk to one of my close friends. She is flying onsite next month, and I am really happy for her! She was struggling for it for the past 5-6 months…but there was something in our conversation that hit me real hard…suddenly she broke down and told me about her fear of going away from her family, her boyfriend, her friends…she was afraid of losing it all….it struck me so hard that what are we running after!!? I was forced to think why I get upset after coming to the office? Why I am complaining about the people around for not doing anything? What is it exactly that I want people to do? Aren’t we just running an endless race…running after something which even we don’t know…running just for the sake of it….

Isn’t it all about priorities!? One can’t get everything at the same time…he has to chose one from many…once that’s achieved…he runs after the other….and it goes on and on and on…I just thought about the many people I know and was amused that each one of them is after something…one wants a better job with a bigger salary…another wants a change in job but can’t get one…reason being his current package is SO huge that the other companies can’t afford him!! One is in the USA but feels sad being away from home and friends….another going to USA after a long struggle but now apprehensive about going there…still another who’s not even sure if at all she wants to leave her country…one tensed about not getting married…another crying for getting married so early that she couldn’t “enjoy” her life….one cribbing about not having a boyfriend…another tensed about the future with his girlfriend….the list is endless….

At the end of these string of thoughts all I am left with is “amusement”….life is so simple and we make it so complicated…. those 10 bucks as pocket money seemed so big an amount when we were kids…and today after earning thousands of rupees…what we crave for is MORE!! Prioritizing is necessary most of the times…but then a line needs to be drawn somewhere….or else we’ll keep on running after the unknown and the next second…life is gone…over….!

Life’s not just about running…craving for more….its’ also about being happy for what we have…stopping and enjoying the moments…making memories for us and for others…trying to be there for the people we love and care…may each one of us achieve what we want and feel content and happy about it….Amen...

Just like that!!

Yesterday I didn’t come to the office…reason…”just didn’t FEEL like”….and I was so happy doing it….sometimes its’ necessary to do certain things just because you “just” feel like doing them…without thinking about the WHYs, WHATs, WHENs and HOWs!!! It was high time I did something just like that!! And it felt GR8…u bet!!! I was remembering one of my friends’ who used to come up with a “surprising WHY” whenever I did something out of the blue…and ended up being amused at my answer…”mann kiya to kar diya!!” (felt like doing so did”)….
I was zapping channels yesterday when came across some documentary on “giving your brain some rest through meditation”…and all I ended up was “wondering”!! is it actually possible to void your brain from all the thoughts at an instance…I mean its’ hard to think about a case when your brain isn’t thinking about “anything”!! I can never relate to this concept…some stuff ought to go in your mind whatever crap it may be…shifting your thoughts from one topic to another…accepted….but making your mind empty of thoughts…naaaah!!! One of my friend’s used to always wonder as to “how much I can think!!” but it isn’t that hard for me:) maybe he can find it easier to void his mind of thoughts…as for me…I’ll try someday…but it sounds so boring to “not” think about “anything”…!!

unable to come up with a title...

Life’s going on a boring monotonous track…same office…same boring, frustrated faces, same dirty politics, people pulling your leg to go ahead…I am actually bored of this!!!

But the weekend bought in some change…went to the blind school on Saturday…had good time over there…I dunno why but that place makes me feel so good…it makes me forget all the negative things happening around…I was there for some 4-5 hours…Sunday I caught with my friends at Avi’s place…Vamsi had come over to Mumbai to meet his girlfriend;) his sense of imagination achieves new heights whenever he has to come up with a reason to tell his parents about coming to Mumbai!!!

Sunday evening was good fun!! Avi, Sonal, Mahan, Aarti, Vamsi, Vrushali and Surya…and some more friends of Avi…missed JD and Sheenu so much! Its always so good to catch up with ur old pals…on my way back I thought of the time I used to hang out with these chaps…never did I even think of a possibility that things will change…even I get surprised for not thinking about something that was so obvious…Surya moved out…Mahan and Avi got married…Sheenu went onsite…Vamsi found a girlfriend…!!! Things changed…and I feel pleasantly surprised about it…’coz things happen for good and change for better…Its’ all about feeling good to have such wonderful people as your friends…having a good time with them and be happy about it…


Yesterday was 4th October…its’ been an year Palak passed away…time slips out like sand from your hands…death is one thing I am very scared of!! The very thought of losing out a person once n’ for all…ain’t that disturbing…Palak was a close friend and his girlfriend is still closer to me…I was with her when this happened…everything seemed to be so disturbing and depressing…but then nothing stops…life moves on…and that’s the whole beauty of it…one thing that I’ve come to realize is everything “can” move on…only if you want to…you lose a reason to live, to smile, to be happy…you’ll find another one!! Hats off to that girl who has taken life in its’ stride, faced it with a smile and gathered strength enough to move ahead…I wish the best for her in the years to come…I wish she finds someone who’ll love her equally as Palak if not more than him…Amen!!!

The Most Beautiful Flower

One of my friends had sent this across....its' beautiful....


The park bench was deserted
as I sat down to read,
Beneath the long, straggly branches
of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent
on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me,
all tired from play.
He stood right before me
with his head tilted down,
And said with great excitement,
"Look what I found!"
In his hand was a flower,
and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn down
not enough rain, or too little light,
Wanting him to take his dead flower
and go off to play,
I faked a smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating
he sat next to my side,
And placed the flower to his nose and declared
with overacted surprise,
"It smells pretty and it's beautiful too.
That's why I picked it; here it's for you!"
The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colours, orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it,
or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower and replied,
"Just what I need."
But instead of him placing the flower
in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed
for the very first time,
That the weed-toting boy could not see,
he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver,
tears shone like the sun,
As I thanked him for picking
the very best one.
"You're welcome" he smiled
and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he's had on my day.
I sat there and wondered
how he managed to see,
A self-pitying woman
beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know about
my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been
blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child,
at last I could see,
The problem was not with the world;
the problem was me.
And for all of those times
I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
and appreciate every second that's mine.
And then I held that wilted flower
up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance
of a beautiful rose.
And I smiled as I watched that young boy,
another weed in his hand,
About to change the life
of an unsuspecting old man.

Munnabhai!!

Watched Munnabhai, lage raho last week…its’ an awesome movie!! Nothing else to say for it…I appreciate the ease with which the Director who picked up only the positive universal principles of Gandhiji and conveyed it so beautifully…I am not a “typical pro-Gandhi” but I simply loved it!!! A really well made movie!!!

These lines in the movie are so true…they compel you to think about it…but nothing else…we think..and think…and leave it….

Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?
Paheli barish me train late hone ki fikr hai
Bhul gaye bhigte hue tahelna kya hai?
Serials ke kirdaaro ka saara haal hai malum
par maa ka haal puchhne ki fursat kise hai?
Ab ret pe nage pao tahelte kyu nahi?
108 hai chanel phir dil bahelte kyu nahi?
Internet ki duniya ke to touch me hai,
lekin pados me kon raheta hai jaante tak nahi.
Mobile, Landline sab ki bharmaar hai,
Lekin jigri dost tak pahuche aise taar kaha hai?
Kab dubte hue suraj ko dekha tha yaad hai?
Kab jaana tha shaam ka woh banana kya hai?
To Dosto Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai
Jab yahi jeena hai to phir Marna kya hai?

Mumbai ki bheeed!!!!

Each time any of my friends visit my place in Mumbai…they end up saying…you don’t have the right to say that you stay in Mumbai…reason being my workplace is 5 minutes walk from my home. I don’t have to travel in locals everyday. My only share of local train journeys happen at weekends on my choice…this Saturday too I left for Mumbai Central to go to the Blind School. After the classes I left for Sidhdhi Vinayak…most of the times I visit either Mahalakshmi or Sidhdhi Vinayak Temple whenever I go to the Blind School.

But this time my visit to Sidhdhi Vinayak was a happening one! The moment I stepped out of the temple the eventful evening was waiting for me!! It started with me looking for a cab to the Dadar station for about 25 minutes…finally when I found one, the cab driver was in no mood to pass his time in a jam and asked me get down half way and then I enjoyed my LONG walk to the station in that “OH WOW!!! Whatta rain”!!! though I carried my umbrella but it wasn’t that useful…so I handed it over to an old aunty who needed it more than me and enjoyed the rains on my way to the station. The moment I reached Dadar Station…PHEWWWWWWW…all enjoyment of walking in the rains vanished like…like…how I wish I was good in writing metaphors like Abhinav!! Anyways the scene at the station seemed a bit different from the usual one…seemed like trains were delayed for some reson…at that time I got a call from my roomie saying that some colleague of hers has heard a rumor about a blast in Goregaon…I took a step back dropped the idea of taking a train…later it was announced that due to some technical fault all the trains will go only till Andheri…I somehow managed to get into the next train…the scene inside the Ladies Compartment was…I dunno what to call it…all high pitched sounds coming from everywhere…ladies screaming and shouting, trying to push and failing miserably!! There wasn’t even an IOTA of an inch to move around!! Everyone stood there with their hair pulled!! And WOW these two random firangs taking snaps from their digicam!! Quite an amusing sight for them I guess!! And yes…some of the “camera friendly” females stopped their screaming and gave a smile with their hair pulled…no choice…there wasn’t much space to move their hands and set their hair!!!


The train finally landed in Andheri…and GAWD!!! All I could see around was people, people and people!!!!! They were flooding from all directions…it took me almost 30 minutes to walk to the nearest bridge…I looked down from the bridge…nothing else but PEOPLE!!! Inside the station…outside the station…EAST and WEST…everywhere…seldom do I like to be alone…but this one was an OVERDOSE of having people around…it was getting onto me!!! more so because of the thought that there are hundreds and hundreds of people around you and still you are Alone...all alone...i think thats the best and worst thing about amchi Mumbai!!

Outside the station…buses , rickshaws all jam packed…i had no way but to go back to the station and check for the trains to Borivali…I stood there in between the flooding of people and found that a train is leaving for Borivali every 15 minutes…no scope for me getting into the first train…took a chance and dared to get into the 2nd one…but only my umbrella managed to get in…I was pulled out by some hefty lady who took my place… and there I stood in complete shock and disbelief and also the sorrow of losing my umbrella…the only PINK possession I had…by the time the 3rd train arrived …I was determined to get into it…when it arrived, AHDHERI was written in the front…people said “yeh train me mat chadho…yeh borivali nahi jayegi!!” I felt sad and stepped back…the next moment I heard some random guy shouting…”AREY YEH TRAIN BORIVALI JAYEGIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” all I realized after that was “I was into the train!!”

I met another group of girls in there who were coming from Churchgate….they offered me a seat, water to drink and some snacks! I sat there…tired and exhausted…wondering about the different people you meet in your life, good and bad, happy and sad…some pulling you and taking your place…some giving you a hand and offering you their place…I finally reached Borivali after an hour and a half…took a rick and FINALLY reached home at 11:30…I sat down feeling amused of having a “first hand” experience about Mumbai…its’ BHEED….quite an eventful day!!!

Happy Teacher's Day!!!

Its’ Teacher’s Day today…talked with mom in the morning…Wishing the teacher of my life…I owe my mom everything for what I am today...Thanks Ma for being there…

Today I remember all my teachers…in schools, colleges…and grab a chance to thank them ….on a frank note…I always feel that my school teachers left a greater impact on me as compared to the ones in my college…from Mohatkar ma’am…my first teacher…going onto Meena ma’am…I used to be shit scared for her but only later I realized that things were different…Deshmukh ma’am…one of the simplest beings I could ever remember…Gaikwad ma’am…one of my favourite teachers and one of the most lovable teachers I remember…. Mahurkar ma’am…I owe my decent knowledge of grammar and English Language to her…..Khare ma’am…a teacher for whom the students had no other choice but to respect her…and Shidhore ma’am…the teacher who’s responsible for me leaving my Mathematics Phobia behind and take that as my major subject!!! And a special mention for Upadhyaya Sir whose love for teaching could be seen in all his actions…we used to go to him to learn Physics…in the 2 years I went to him never do I remember a single instance when he asked for his “fees” and even taught students who were not so well off financially without taking any fee…Then there were Sister Secily, Sister Isabella, Sister Francisca and Sister Dalphin ( I studied in Covent School…and we used to call the nuns as “Sisters”….I guess now you got that!!! )who are responsible for teaching me all the discipline, etiquettes and manners after my mom…

Almost all of them are and will always be special to me and will remain close to my heart…

Last but not the least…I remember a couple of teachers who never deserved to be one…the teachers who actually had a complete negative impact not only on me but also on many other students…but then I still owe them a “Thank You” because only their depressing words kept me going whenever I felt like taking a break…


Today…I remember all my teachers…and trying to do my bit by teaching the kids at the Victoria Memorial School…this is my way of saying “Thank You”…and to end it all...to the volunteers of VMS...Happy Teacher's Day!!!

khichdi of thoughts!!

I came back from B’lore on 16th…its’ 23rd today….I had so much to write but the “officewallahs” didn’t give me a single chance…I have been slogging like a “donkey” all these days after coming back. Each and every relaxing moment of my trip was replaced by some really busy moments working in front of the BLACK Screen. I personally am very fond of the color BLACK but when it comes to “mainframe wala BLACK”….my fondness disappears as the discipline from our Parliament!!

I had so many things in my mind that I had to put down in words…but Alas! Some stupid request never permitted me to do so….today that I don’t have that amount of work…I can devote some time in scribbling my blog before a long list of enhancements and design changes are mailed to me from onsite…’coz then I won’t get any time to scribble some stupid thoughts as I would be busy with the “love letter” from onsite!!
B’lore trip was cool!! Met Bhai…with his “naukriwala professional” look….felt good to see him this way….celebrated Rakhi and his Birthday….bhai n’ I roamed across B’lore where I gotto hear all HORROR stories about the B’lore traffic from bhai…he didn’t like the place at all…bhai was treating me for a change and yep! I did receive a Rakhi gift fom him!!! We also went to the Planetarium in B’lore…as we used to go with aai and baba…caught up with some old friends…one of them was Sohini…my batchmate of TCS training days…met her after 1.5 years…but never realized it….thats the best part of friendship I guess….starting off from where you had left…I had gone to her place for dinner….and believe me I was actually very touched with all her gestures…she cooked so many things inspite of working in the office the whole day…ekdum DIL SE!! I felt all the more because this was kind of the first time when I was at the receiving end…all these days it was me who used to cook something when any of my friend came over….it feels good to be on the other side for a while…

The journey while going and coming back was no less fun! At times I wonder how many different characters actually exist on this planet!! This lady in my compartment was exceptionally loud and descriptive about the tiniest miniest thing of her life!! very much unlike her mother....who was a personnification of poise and patience...!!! The lady did irritate me for a while ‘coz everytime I thought of taking a nap or going back with my book…she was all ready with some new story of hers….but at the same time there was something very lovable about her…I had good fun…on my way back…I met this “maharashtrian” couple and thought of them as those typical characters which I am not very fond of…Bhai had a good time teasing me about how much FUN I am going to have with them…but surprisingly they were the “interestingly intelligent” lot…and very helpful too…

I never actually like the return journeys…the beginning of the journey is so full of enthusiasm, a motive, a path to trail, a destination to reach….the return journeys seem to be void…void of a motive, void of a destination…but that’s how journeys are…they start and they end…and u collect memories and experiences…meet people…u like some u dislike some….and then start off with another journey....

The week passed in a fast forward mode with me struggling to write something and failing miserably 'coz of my work….the weekend came…only a Sunday for me….I met Prashant Dhanke…my school friend at the airport…he had a connecting flight to B’lore via Mumbai…I had missed meeting him in B’lore since he was at his rather our hometown then…the meeting was only for half an hour but was a refreshing one…catching up with old friends is always SO good!! Even after they are gone after the meeting…you are so much occupied with the flashback…I met Prashant after almost 7 years!! He has put on weight…from lean Pintu…that’s what we used to call him…to chubby-cheeked Prashant…the transition is a pleasant one…after I met him I had gone to Andheri…after a LONG LONG time…there was a time when I used to be in Andheri every weekend…but then everything changes with passage of time…I had gone to CROSSWORDS in Fun Republic…spent some time there…while I was coming out, the gaming zone caught my attention…most of the times I used to play bowling with Mahandra and Surya…infact these people had taught me bowling…I was really bad at it…suddenly I felt like playing a game…it had been I don’t know how many months I had last played a game…!! So there I went and had a game of bowling….and I realized that I was equally bad at it…!!

On my way back I saw the Ganesh idols…n’ then another flash back!! Every year I and bhai used to decorate the whole “jhanki”….thats the word I remember…I am not remembering the English word for it…bear with my pathetic Vocabulary….and place the Ganesh idol there…from aai, baba, bhai n’ I doing Pooja….the attraction of getting prasad…the competitions held in our colony…the small gifts we received on the last day after winning those competitions…to the time I moved out to Mumbai…making a group of friends that were my family here…and celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi with them at there place…one year has passed…its’ Ganesh Chaturthi again….this time I’ll celebrate it in another new way I guess…’coz my family here has moved out…I don’t know where will I be next year…and how will I celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi then…so live the moment…enjoy to the fullest…and treasure the memories…

Ah…I guess I have remembered the correct word for “Jhanki”…its’ tableau…isn’t it!!??

A lazy day at work...

YAWWWWNNNNN!!! Its’ a very lazy day…I came at 10 a.m. to the office although I was in the Morning Shift…just didn’t feel like coming…and the moment I have come, I am yawning @ 157 yawns per hour!! I got a major request to finish up before I leave for B’lore on 11th …but I don’t want to do it…..another YAWWNN…just woke up from a 10 minute nap!! I had put my head down on the desk and fell asleep…somehow I am just too good at it…when it comes to sleeping…anywhere, anytime!!...still another YAWWWWWWWNNN I still remember I used to sleep in the bus on my way to the college and back…but the special feature of that way of sleeping was, I used to be standing in the bus in absence of a free seat…don’t be surprised….YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNN……and to break the series, my PL pinged me to come over…he’ll eat my precious time with some junk and irrelevant stuff….I better go and meet him…who knows if something interesting comes over…anyways miracles are hard to happen…!!! YAWWWWWWNNNN!!!

Around the corner...

Palak was a close friend…Suddenly I got a call where a common friend of ours told me that Palak got murdered…one of the greatest shocks of my life…thoughts went flashing back with the moments spent with him…we were in school for 14 years…pretty long time…happy moments, sad moments, small fights, birthday parties, Unit Tests in the school when Palak always cheated from my notebook….used to call me up before each exam to check out whether I was thoroughly prepared or not…school picnics…his affairs…I knew about all his girlfriends…his terrific smile…It was more of a Laughter than Smile…Palak always used to call me a month before my actual birthday….this time too he did that…and that was the last time I talked to him…I guess not everything can be put in words…

It was Palak’s birthday on 23rd ….this poem is dedicated to Palak…my school friend…

"Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end.

Yet days go by and weeks pass on,
And before I know a year is gone.

And never I see my friend’s face,
For life is a swift and terrible race.

He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days I rang his bell.

And he rings mine we were younger then,
And now we are a busy tired men.

Tired with playing a foolish game,
Tired with trying to make a name.

Tomorrow, I say, I will call on Jim,
Just to say I am thinking of him.

But tomorrow comes n’ tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows n’ grows.

Around the corner yet miles away,
And here is a telegram sir, Jim died today.

And this is what we deserve in the end,
Around the corner a vanished friend…"

I don't like...

I was tagged a long time back but somehow didn’t get a chance to write about the things that I don’t like…So here goes the list…you have the choice to stop in between ‘coz the list might be really long!!

I don’t like Summers, they irritate me. I find them really depressing…more so because I have this problem of getting blisters on my soles and the blisters are in full BLOOM in summers.

I don’t like pretentions…people pretending to be someone what they aren’t, talking in OH So Sweet tone…why can’t they be “just themselves”!!!

I don’t like Pizzas….I am just too tired of them…had enuff of it!! People who get happy and excited about going to a Pizza Joint astonish me!

I don’t like anything that is shabby…I have a strong dislike of people who keep themselves and their homes shabby…there’s something so negative and repulsive about the very word SHABBY.

I don’t like thin people…especially the ones who can go on and on and on eating like a ********** . How I wish people not putting on weight even after they hog chocolates, ice-creams, burgers, chips, cakes, pastries, and I can keep on listing down all that mouth watering, weight enhancing stuff. Altough now I don't need to mention but FYI, Iam a complete FOODIE!!!

I have a STRONG disliking towards people who think twice before laughing properly…I am still in the process of coming up with a reasonable reason why people get conscious while laughing! Why can’t they just laugh their heart out!


I don’t like people who lie to their parents! I find it completely sick!! The very thought of you lying to ur parents pisses me off….

I dislike people who take too long to take decisions and still remain confused about whatever they have decided.

I don’t like the concepts of Right and Wrong…I don’t relate to these terms…how can one just categorize everything as Right and Wrong. What seems to be right to me may be wrong for someone else…and each one of us have a reason whatever we do…what is the need to place everything in the domains of Right and Wrong…

I dislike people who don’t value Time.

I have a real yuckcky feeling towards insects of all kinds. Don’t actually have a reason for it but somehow they seem to be so eeeeeeekkkkkkkssssssss!!

I hate all Ekta Kapoor serials….they are simply disgusting full of women with their faces painted to scare people off…

I don’t like the idea of settling down abroad… the very thought of living on a land that’s not yours is scary…

I don’t like my friends moving away…I hate bidding Good-Byes to my loved ones…

God!! The list seems to be really long…but there’s lot more to add…anyways I guess this is fine enuff to torture the readers!!!

aging...

I happened to read George Carlin's Views on Aging... found it worth mentioning on my blog...

Here it goes...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!
Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50
and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

These might help...

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Interesting Sunday...

I watched a late night show of MI3 on Saturday night…Sunday morning was so good a time to sleep, when the alarm started making noise, I thought of skipping the meeting I was supposed to attend with the volunteers of “Teaching to visually impaired drive”…but somehow the “sincere and responsible” part in me was strong enough for me to make it in the meeting on time…right on time…Shabbir, I, Piyush and Kasi met at Jogeshwai Station at 10:30. We were supposed to visit Tanya Balsara, a visually challenged girl who teaches computers at one of the places in Jogeshwari. We happened to know about her through one of the acquaintances and thought of meeting her to hone our teaching methods to the kids at VMS (Victoria Memorial School for the Blind).

Shabbir had talked to Tanya regarding the meeting and taken down her address…we came out of the station and the sight was pretty anticipated, people pouring in from all sides, since it had rained sometime back, it wasn’t very clean a sight. Looking for the landmarks, the four of us entered this place that was bang opposite the Jogeshwari station…it was a Parsi Colony…and GOSH what a place that was!!! I could never ever dream of such a place in Mumbai and that too SO close to Jogeshwari station! All greenery around with beautiful bunglows…a school, a fire temple in the campus itself…what a lovely place!! The most ideal place to take a walk or read a book or write something...

We finally reached Tanya’s house…an amazingly beautiful, cosy but not very small bunglow…I wasn’t getting a break from admiring everything around…we met Tanya and her sister…parsi gals are SO pretty…fair n’ flawless skin…lovely eyes…cute smile…any normal guy can fall for them!! And Tanya’s eyes were really beautiful…they seemed to carry the reflection of her clean heart…I was getting so confused about what all to admire at one time…the lovely colony, the beautiful bunglow, Tanya’s innocent smile, or the flawless skin of Tanya and her sis…!!

We were discussing things with Tanya when her friend Vishnu joined in…he introduced himself as a VMS passout and currently working as a programmer in Emphasis…Vishnu gave us really valuable inputs as in making the kids at VMS proficient in English, mathematics and logic right from the start because that is what makes a difference down the line…we happened to talk about the career paths the kids could take in computers once they pass out from the school and stuff…It felt really great to know that Tanya was a Xavier’s graduate while Vishnu pursued programming out of his interest after doing his Bachelor’s in Political Science from Wadia, Pune…we talked about how they went ahead with their interest in computers, what problems they faced and how they managed to overcome…Vishnu talked about his experiences while coding in VB and .NET…Shabbir, I, Kasi and Piyush were listening with questions in between…then we were introduced to Tanya’s dad…when he entered in the room, his face looked so familiar…I was struggling hard to recollect where had I seen this man before…my struggle went on till he introduced himself as, “Hi! I am Sam Balsara…Tanya’s dad.”; and I was like Oh, Sam Balsara…and then SAM BALSARA…(if you people aren’t aware, search for this name on Google and you’ll relate to my reactions…). Anyways we talked to Sam as Tanya’s dad wherein he asked us about our initiative, gave inputs from his side and stuff…finally Tanya gave us a hands on demo on how and what she teaches the kids about computers…

We finally took leave from Tanya and her parents scheduling our next meeting with her at the institute itself. I couldn’t help mentioning to Tanya’s mom how beautiful their bungalow was wherein she told us that it was their ancestral bungalow and was some “100” odd years old…on my way back I was too full of thoughts and emotions to ponder upon…right from admiring the awesome place to Tanya’s and her sis’ flawless skin, Tanya’s graduating from Xavier’s to Vishnu learning programming on his own to his working as a software professional and coding in VB and .NET to acting upon the valuable inputs we got from them to meeting Sam Balsara in person…while I was sitting there in the local train on my way back to Borivali, I patted my back for getting up early on Sunday morning after a late Saturday night…or else I would have missed the whole experience which was unique and special in so many ways…quite an interesting Sunday…

Too Often...

Too often we don't realize
What we have until it is gone
Too often we wait too late to say
"I'm sorry - I was wrong."
Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
We hold dearest to our hearts
And we allow foolish things
To tear our lives apart.
Far too many times we let
Unimportant things into our minds
And then it's usually too late
To see what made us blind.
So be sure that you let people know
How much they mean to you
Take that time to say the words
Before your time is through.
Be sure that you appreciate
Everything you've got
And be thankful for the little things
in life that mean a lot.

Meri Chunnu!!

Sheenu left for USA today…sounds very casual for a software engineer to go “onsite”…but for me, she isn’t a “software engineer”…she never was…I am finding it pretty much difficult to put into words what she means to me…all these days since her going to USA is decided, I had been pushing the thought forward of spending days without her…its’ been more than a year and a half we have been living together…infact “had been” living together…today, when I had no space to push any thought forward…there I was standing and facing it…when she checked in and said “Goodbye”, I simply hugged her tight…words failed to come out…all I could manage to say was “take care”… as she moved away all the moments we spent together…good and bad, happy and sad were dancing in front of my eyes… I felt so helpless and suffocated in the hands of time…a phase of life seemed to come to an end…why can’t everything remain the same?? Why everything has to come to an end?? Why can’t the people whom we love SO much be with us always….Sheenu has been with me day in and day out for the past one and a half years…she has understood me, accepted and respected me for what I am, she has seen me go through the good and bad phases of life, been there for me always, and suddenly I realize that she’s gone…far far away…for the past few months, all my friends had been moving away…each time I went to say “goodbye”, I came home and cried but had a balancing thought of having someone whom I could hug tightly whenever I felt lonely, someone with whom I could quarrel without a reason with the faith that she’ll come back to ask me what happened, someone who understood my silence, someone who never gave a second thought of bashing me up!! Today when she’s gone, I am feeling awful…inspite of knowing “that life doesn’t stop”…”that friends are always there…just a call away”…”that this is the way of life”….”that I’ll be meeting more wonderful people in the days to come”…I am still feeling awful….

At this moment, when I sit down and write all this stuff…I can’t stop the tears rolling down…I am actually tired of bidding Good byes to people…I feel I have developed kind of a fear of getting attached to people ‘coz when they move away, all you are left with is memories and tears…

Chunnu!! I am gonna miss you so much!! Your saying “TUTS tooot jao”…”jasta dista tasta nasta”…”tutu lipstick laga do”…your order and farmayish for “aalloo baingan”…”you not leaving a single chance to embarrass me (calling me MOMMY in the restaurant and the waiter staring at me)”…your taking decades to get ready for the most casual occasion and me shouting at you continuously…you fluttering your eyes every now n’ then…your “maroing adayein” all the time…our zordar quarrels on SAMETIME with those HIGH FUNDU filmi dialogues…irritating you by repeating whatever you said…our CHANGU-MANGU jodi going on date-shate….GAWD the list seems to never end...!!! Sheenu, for me will never be what she is in front of the world, infact I can never ever like her that way…for me Sheenu will always remain my Chunnu…

But at the end of day, this is life…it doesn’t stop…distances don’t rule feelings…emotions can never be controlled on the parameters of time and physical presence…I don’t know when will be the next time I’ll meet Sheenu…may be after one and a half years…or who knows I’ll join her in US of A in few months…even I am a “software engineer” you see!!!

Chunnu, you have made a difference in my life…Thanks for being there…love you INNNNNAA SAAARAAAA!!

humor Vs sentiments

I happened to read Sidin’s interview on one of the sites while browsing; its’ quite interesting to find a guy who is an IIM-A pass out and who left a decent job to take “writing” as a full time profession!! Since then I have been visiting his blog. One fine day I randomly jumped to another blog via Sidin’s blog and have become a big time fan of this chap called Abhinav! I really admire people who have a good sense of humor and my admiration grows all the more when they can map their “sense of humor” into words!! This guy seems to be just too good at it…everytime I am pissed off from this place called “office” or when work stops fascinating me (not that I am fascinated by it at any point of time!), I simply read this blog and end up giggling!!


When I read Abhinav’s blog, I was forced to think about the content on my blog and I was astonished to find out that the whole stuff on my blog was so “senti” and “nostalgic”!!! I had/ have no intentions what so ever to compare any two blogs; only that I was a bit surprised on this discovery! Most of the people who know me are aware about my humorous side, and what surprised me was not even one tiny tweety bit of it was present in my blog!! Somewhere I realized that each time I had scribbled something on my blog was at an instance when I was too full of nostalgia and emotions and found my blog as the best place to vent out those emotions…only on such occasions the “dormant writer” in me wakes up!! I always believe that each one of us has a unique way of letting out our emotions; I happen to pour it out in words too full of sentiments and nostalgia managing with my limited, restricted writing skills and vocabulary…people like Abhinav, on the other hand happen to vent it out in the funniest possible combination of words!!! As far as my sense of humor is concerned, I happen to use it with myself and people around…and most importantly I find myself handicapped in mapping my Sense of Humor with my writing skills…very much unlike Abhinav! Maybe someday, I’ll write something “humorous”…at the end of day your blog is the space to write whatever you feel like, its’ not about writing good or bad; its’ just about putting your thoughts, perceptions, ideas at some place that you own…

My trip to "Dewas"

Its’ been almost three months I had gone home…the office seemed to piss me off completely. I finally took a day’s off and went home…long awaited trip…

Each time I go home and step out of the train, the very sight of aai baba (thats what I call my Mum and Dad) searching for me and change in those facial expressions when they “actually” find me…is priceless….but at the same time I am so filled with the guilt of leaving the two most important people of my life alone…people whose life revolved around their kids…whose thoughts, actions, plans…everything was centered at us…but then the satisfaction on their faces proves all my guilt wrong…strange feelings…aren’t they!?

Dewas, my home town, a "kasba" ("kasba" as in a place just slightly bigger than a village) thats what my friends call Dewas and tease me!!!…but I feel so thrilled whenever I go to that place…a place where almost everyone knows each other…a place where if I walk for even 5 minutes, I meet people who know me since I was a kid…a place where people are more genuine than what I see here…a place with small shops and no "malls"...a place that have small bunglows and colony culture unlike multi-storeyed buidings in townships...a place where I have spent most of my years…

Whenever I go to Dewas, I make it a point to meet a few people for sure…if not in person, I call them up…Khanuja aunty who lives across the lane always asks me to come home…this time I couldn’t go and meet her; when I was finally leaving, she just came out and gave me a box, said, “I had prepared some stuff yesterday…tu aayi hai to leke ja "(now that you have come, take some stuff with you). I opened the box and found “mathri” and sweets…on my way back I wondered that for some 3-4 odd months I didn't even know who my neighbours were when I shifted to my flat in Mumbai...!!! I thought about the difference in the lifestyles of people living in a metro city and the ones living in a small town…not that one is good and the other is bad…but then there so huge a difference in the way people live, people behave, people feel…

Its’ been almost an year and a half I have lived in Mumbai…enjoyed the lifestyle of a “metro”…been to places that I hadn’t even thought of when I was in Dewas…but down in my heart, I still think, feel and behave(most of the times) like a girl from a small town…even today I’ll enjoy sleeping on a terrace in summers than in a closed room with AC…I’ll enjoy dropping in at aunty’s place who lives across the lane without a prior appointment…I’ll enjoy to go to one of the fields in the outskirts of my town with family and friends in one of those winter afternoons with a lunch box than going to a pub or disc…enjoy a glass of "ganne ka ras" (sugarcane juice) than having a glass of COKE in a Pizza Hut joint…somewhere down in my heart I have kept an option open of settling down in a small place rather than a “metro” city…I don’t know how correct and practical it is or what will be the repercussions of the decisions I take…whatever that decision may be....keep waiting;)...even I am waiting....

down the memory lane...

I had started writing something...but then suddenly I was bombarded with "work"...yes..."work"...that I am not used of...So my scribbling was put on hold till now...even now I have "work"...but everyone deserves a break...isn't it...??

I recieved an email from one of my friends today...a forward to be specific...I usually ignore forwards, but happened to check out this one...and That was one of height of coincidence!! It was actually everything I had started scribbling about...

So, here it is...I am sure all of you will go down the memory lane of your childhood...its' really nostalgic...

When gulli-danda and kanche (marbles) were more
popular than cricket…

When we always had friends to play aais-paais (I-Spy), chhepan-chhepai and pitthoo anytime…

When we desperately waited for 'yeh jo hai jindagi'

When chitrahaar, vikram-baitaal, dada daadi ki
kahaniyaan were so
fulfilling…

When there was just one tv in every five houses and
When bisleris were not sold in the trains and
we were worrying if papas will get back into the train in time or not when they were getting down
at stations to fill up the water bottle…

When we were going to bed by 9.00pm sharp except for
the 'yeh jo hai zindagi' day ..

When Holis & Diwalis meant mostly hand-made pakwaans
and sweets and
moms seeking our help while preparing them…

When Maths teachers were not worried of our mummysand papas while slapping/beating us…

When we were exchanging comics and stamps and
chacha-chaudaris and billus were our heroes...

When we were in nanihaals every summer and loved flying kites and plucking and eating unripe mangoes and leechis ..

When one movie every Sunday evening on television
was more than asked
for and 'ek do teen chaar' and 'Rajni' inspired us .

When 50 paisa meant at least 10 toffees ...

When left over pages of the last years notebooks
were used for rough work or even fair work .

When 'chelpark' and 'natraaj' were encouraged
against 'reynolds and family' ..

When the first rain meant getting drenched and
playing in water and mud
and making 'kaagaz ki kashtis' ...

When there were no phones to tell friends that we
will be at their homes at six in the evening .

When we were using our hearts more than our brains,
even for
scientifically brainy activities like 'thinking' and
'deciding'

When we were crying and laughing more often, more
openly and more sincerely…

When we were enjoying our present more than worrying
about our future…
When being emotional was not synonymous to being
weak…

When sharing worries and happinesses didnt mean
getting vulnerable to the listener .

When blacks and whites were the favourite colors
instead of greys…

When journeys also were important and not just the
destinations....

the list can be endless...

for all my friends...

I had composed this poem a couple of years back...when V5(Lulu, Pupu, Tutu, Yaya and Good Boy) were moving ahead taking their own paths in life...I still remember, I scribbled this poem on the tissue papers of Celebrations...our favourite hang out place...and handed it over to all of them...as a sweet Remembrance...

today I dedicate this poem to all the wonderful people I met in these years and who happen to be my friends...moments spent are still fresh in my mind...and the golden memories will be with me forever...

In the silence of the night,
there comes a thought about tomorrow,
Will we be together then, sharing our joys and sorrow?
The thoughts going down an abyss,
the “may be” and “may be not” lurking all around the place,
But in the midst of these uncertainties,
there is a belief, a firm belief in my heart.
No matter where we go,
we’ll take a little of each other everywhere.
No matter what we do,
we’ll be there for each other forever.
The bond of our friendship will always remain,
Radiant as the sunshine,
Fresh as the blossoms,
Soothing as the cool breeze.
I know and I believe,
It’ll always exist with an everlasting ease.

One random piece of text!!!

More than 2 days had passed I had spoken to Lulu…my buddy, quite a long time for me…talking to Lulu has become a habit…that is what friends do to you…I dropped him an email saying “Hi”…I didn’t get any reply, I called him up…still no reply. Something seemed to be wrong, so I messaged him asking to call back ASAP. He called back immediately, that’s typically Lulu!! I was relieved knowing everything was fine. Suddenly Lulu came up with a line…”A piece of news for you…” I asked “What!?”….Lulu replied, “He is in ISB Hyderabad…” for a moment I went silent…don’t know why but words weren’t coming to me…quite anticipated from Lulu’s part…he asked me to talk and not to hang up, I tried hard, spoke to him for sometime, but couldn’t go further…

I always wonder if its’ possible to “completely remove” things that are close to one’s heart …!? In my case I can very well push them at the back, but can’t throw them out...Lulu always thinks of me as a NUT for thinking and holding something that was not there…even I know, there was nothing…but then I have held “that nothing”…I don’t have any regrets for keeping “that nothing”…its’ not only Lulu…most of the people around me take me as a NUT for this!! Quite right from their part too…just because they love me so much that they can’t actually take this way of my behavior or temperament…but then not everything can be explained and understood…not everything can be placed in the boxes of “Right” and “Wrong”…but then again…this is what a NUT thinks!!

Right now, I am just sitting here and typing one of the “most haphazard and vague” chunk of text…remembering a few moments of “nothing”…All I wish is a life full of happiness for everyone I love…I care…I remember…

"When we were little kids,
we couldn't wait to grow up and fall in love...
Now that we are grown up, we realize that,
wounded knees are easier to heal than brokem hearts..."

Winds of Change...

Winds of change…
Taking me along with them…
I don’t want to go…
But I am helpless…
Can’t I stop these winds from blowing?
Why can’t everything remain the same?
Friends and relations,
Thoughts and emotions,
Am I asking for too much…!?
No, I am not…
But I know I can’t get this…
‘coz winds are supposed to blow…
At times fast…at times slow…
I have to take it in my stride…
Can’t avoid the changes even if I hide…
So here I am standing tall…
And facing it all…
All I wish is a smile for everyone who thinks of me…
Is it too much to ask for??
I hope its’ not…

Generation gap!?

Tanvi, one of my cute little cousins turned 5 yesterday…Both of us share an age difference of some 20 odd years!! I made it a point to go and attend her Birthday Party no matter what…and what a wise decision that was!! Tanvi looked amazingly pretty in her birthday dress…her smile made her look all the more charming. She was all busy with her friends…a gang of some 10-12 kids…most of them 5-6 years old. Each one of them was dressed up for the occasion, carrying a gift of course! We all played some games, starting with “passing the parcel”. No Birthday Party can be complete without this game! I actually walked down the memory lane of my birthday parties when I was a kid…and all I felt was “nostalgic”….completely nostalgic. Suddenly it seemed that time had just taken a big leap…felt as if it was just a few days back when I was in my school and had a Birthday party like this…time flies off…seriously…

But the surprise was yet to come! After all the games played: indoor and outdoor, the “kids” decided to dance for sometime…only then I realized there were couples in place, as in “boyfriends” and “girlfriends”!!! And my first reaction turned out to be WOW!! I came to know from my aunt about Tanvi’s boyfriend …and I am still searching for one!!! Ain’t that funny!?? Then started the music and the way these kids danced and jived…I was left speechless!
The ease and perfection with which these chaps were shaking their leg was amazing…in between I happened to overhear the conversations these kids had amongst each other…the gals discussed about the latest trends, placed their comments on each others dress and accessories…the guys talked about the movies…the happenings at school and some random stuff. Listening to all that stuff…and watching the way these kids talked, behaved, their expressions, body language…quite some experience, I must say. All n’ all I had a great time!!

When I came back home and lay on the bed, the party snapshots were fresh in my mind. Suddenly I remembered the term “generation gap”! sounds funny, but somewhere down the line I did feel that. As far as my memories go, the way we used to celebrate our Birthday Parties, our topics of conversation, our definition of enjoyment when we were kids seemed to be a bit too old for today…this is very much close to the sentence my parents say to me at times….and I just laugh it out! One of the reasons of me feeling this way might be the fact that I was bought up in a small town…but now when I have moved out and live in a place like Mumbai, after Tanvi’s Birthday Party I felt that the ways of enjoying that I can relate to now are already a part of the kids of Tanvi’s generation…!!

Life styles, perceptions, behavior patterns, everything changes with each generation, but at the same time, the concepts remain universal…Birthdays were, are and will always be celebrated with balloons and ribbons, cakes and gifts; friends will turn up and have a bash…kids will always enjoy the ice-creams and cold-drinks…and of course…“passing the parcel” will always be a part of every Birthday Party!!!

muse...

Aren’t these amusing…?

Dew drop on a leaf…!!
A sudden call from a friend after many years…
The twinkle in the eyes of a baby…
Your pet wagging its’ tail and following you….
Your first job…
Getting gifts for your parents with your first salary and watch them open the gifts…
Watching a kid learn to ride a bicycle…
Smell of the soil after the rains…
All you friends going out in a group to a crowded place n’ randomly sing a Birthday Song for one of the friends…when its’ not his birthday!!
Searching your mum’s purse for chocolates…of course when your mum’s a School Teacher…!!
Holding your baby Bro/sis in your arms…
Chatting with your roommates all night long and laugh endlessly on some stupid jokes…!!
Attending your friend’s marriage..!


There are just too many to list down…anyways I’ll keep on updating this list…

who am i?

People say I am an extrovert…I don’t actually have been able to understand what an extrovert is like!?...It still remains a question to me…If talking to people without any hassles or being able to strike a conversation easily is what an extrovert is all about…then, maybe yeah I am one. But I personally don’t find myself an extrovert…’coz I know that there is a part of me which belongs only to myself…I haven’t even shared it with the people I am most attached to…my family…some really good friends who are very few…Ironically, I have this HUGE group of friends…in fact they fall into so many different chunks: my school friends, college friends of my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree, friends I made in my TCS Training days, Friends I made here in Mumbai, they are so many!! If being extrovert is decided by the number of friends one has then I will top the list I guess! Somehow I feel that being “social” is mistaken for being “extrovert”…anyways this is the way I feel…completely depends on perception I guess…

People may take me as a chatter box most of the times…but I feel I am really bad in expressing myself…when a time comes where I think of conveying something I feel….I fail miserably…It feels awful when I find myself short of words at the time of expressing myself…unlike all other times when I can go on and on and on talking…and it has happened not once, not twice but so many times! The worst part is I goof up and mess up things beyond my imagination…only when it all has happened I realize how bad I am with words…but that’s the way I am…I hate giving and taking any explanations…even when I realize that I have messed up completely, I don’t explain things…I feel if one’s intentions are clear, there’s no reason to explain things…people close to me know this side of mine…they believe me and my intentions but at all other times the results are misunderstandings…I have this belief that if you intend something good, it’ll be reflected down the line…experiences confuse me so much at times…when I am quiet, I goof up and when I speak out, I am misunderstood!!
But at the end of the day, I know down in my heart that I am right and I intend good…that’s enough to make me happy!!

may be...

Days coming, days passing….life’s just moving on…many a times I end up feeling like this…somewhere down in my heart I have come to realize that this is not I want to do; getting up, coming to the office, tapping the keyboard, chatting, checking mails, having meals and going back home at odd hours…but still I am doing it…’coz there are some things which you have to do. Maybe I am in the process of finding a destination, the journey of which will make me happy…

But in spite of all this I have found a place which brings the “feel good factor” in my life! A place where I go whenever this monotonous and boring life gets onto me! Its’ this school for visually impaired, a bit far from my home…I actually don’t mind travelling to that place…the moment I enter the school; I leave behind everything that bothers me. The very sight of kids is enough to lift up my spirits!! The warmth and affection in the touch of kids makes me feel special…their enthusiasm to learn new things, the confidence they exhibit in all their actions, the amount of talent they possess makes me feel small at times…

I go there and teach them conversational English; but then that’s only one side of the story…whenever I come back from that place I carry an experience worth cherishing…an experience that makes me feel enriched as a human being…maybe I have found a chore that gives me a feeling of contentment of doing something worthwhile….maybe I have found a way to lifts my spirits to face life!!